“I think I cheated on Dean tonight...I haven’t kissed anyone else since the summer we got together. That’s not what I came here for.”
“Was it that forgettable? Jesus, Allie.” How could she forget the night before California? She had kissed someone else. She’d kissed me. That night...it meant everything, and apparently, it also meant nothing.
She gasped. “No, I...I don’t know. I try not to think about that night, to be honest.”
Was she trying to gut me? “No?” I cleared my throat. “Did you feel guilty then?”
“No,” she whispered. “No, I didn’t...”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. We laid in silence for a few minutes before I could hear her softly snoring. What a disaster our first day together had been.
ALEXIS
I FELT A HAND on my shoulder shaking me awake. “Stop it, Dean,” I mumbled, swatting it way.
“Sorry to disappoint...it’s just me,” Colton replied.
It took a moment in my sleepy state to remember where I was, and when I did, I wanted to die of mortification at the huge puddle of drool that I was laying in. I sat up quickly, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “Hey, you, time for practice already?” I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. It couldn’t have been much past 6:00 a.m.
Colt smiled at my disheveled state. “Yeah. I just wanted to tell you bye before I left. Didn’t want to sleep with you and run,” he joked.
“Ha-ha. What time will you be home?” I asked, missing him already.
Colton reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “A little after noon. You wanna go out for lunch when I get back? I can show you around a little if you’re up for it.”
God, he was beautiful as ever in his muscle shirt and mesh shorts. I had a strong urge to push him down on the bed and—
I heard a low, throaty chuckle at the same time that I felt his finger tipping my chin up. “Do I have something on my shorts? You’re, uh...staring pretty hard there, Allie...”
Shit. “No...” I said, feeling myself blush from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. “Just spaced out for a sec. I think maybe I’m still drunk.” The drunken part wasn’t a lie. I felt like death, and I didn’t even want to know what I looked like at that moment.
“Uh-huh, sure,” he said with a wink as he rose to his feet and retrieved his keys and phone from the nightstand.
“Ugh,” I groaned when my stomach revolted with the shifting of the mattress. I couldn’t believe they’d let me get so drunk on my first night in LA. “Food isn’t sounding so great at the moment,” I said, clutching my abdomen and rolling over.
“You need to eat. Trust me, you’ll feel so much better. I’ll see you in a couple hours.”
I groaned my approval, giving him the thumbs up as I shoved my face down into his pillow. I heard the sound of his laughter followed by the door opening and closing. Why’d it feel like he was leaving me all over again? I mean, he was going to practice, but that didn’t account for the level of sadness I felt. It was like I’d been swallowed by a black cloud the moment he exited the room.
As soon as I’d finally fallen back asleep, my phone started to ring. Without checking the name, I grabbed it from the bedside table and answered.
“Alexis?” Dean. “Are you okay, baby? You sound sick.”
A pit formed in my stomach at the concern in his voice. Dean was the perfect guy. I knew that I didn’t deserve him, and he certainly didn’t deserve what I was doing to him. “Hey, yeah...rough night,” I croaked, feeling tears pool in my eyes.
The warm sound of his laugh made my throat burn with guilt. “Party girl,” he teased. And the worst part was that it was genuine. There wasn’t an ounce of jealousy or judgment.
I had to tell him what happened. We’d left things so up in the air, but there wasn’t a clear break up. I wasn’t sure where we stood anymore, but it felt wrong. I let out a loud sob as I tried to find the words to tell him.
“Shit. Are you okay? I was just teasing. Where’s Fowls?” I didn’t cry often, and the sound of my hysterical sobbing was really freaking him out.
“Dean,” I crooned. “I, umm. I did something last night.”
The other side of the line went quiet as he waited for me to finish. I heard his throat clear, but I guessed he wasn’t going to say anything, so I continued. “I-I kissed someone.”
“Fuck. I fucking knew it!” he shouted. I heard a loud thumping like he was kicking or punching something.
“Huh? You knew what?”
The sound of his angry breathing was scaring me. Dean didn’t get mad...maybe a little annoyed from time to time, but he’d never lost his cool with me. Not that I didn’t expect him to be upset, but I guess I just really didn’t understand his reaction. “I need to know one thing...” There was a desperation in his tone that made me feel sick to my stomach. “Was it him? Was it Fowler?”
I wanted to be angry that he automatically assumed it was Colt, but what a hypocrite that would have made me. I had kissed Colton while we were together, and without a doubt, I’d do it again. Still, I was unjustly perturbed. “What fucking difference does it make who it was, Dean?”
“I just...I need to know. Please answer the question. It matters.” His voice broke, causing my heart to tighten in my chest. “It fucking matters to me.”
“No,” I whispered. “No...it wasn’t Colton.”
Dean released a loud sigh of relief, followed by a terse laugh. “Okay. Okay. That’s good.”
“What’s good, Dean? You aren’t making any sense. You think it’s good that I kissed someone else?” What was even happening?
“You’re confused...” he started in a much calmer voice. “You need to be sure. I get that. It’s okay. We can...we can work through this.”
“And what if I’d told you it was Colton? What then?”
“Then...” He let out a humorless laugh. “Well, then I’d know I didn’t stand a chance.” It felt like someone had just knocked the wind from my sails as my traitorous heart crumbled into a million tiny pieces.
“Dean...I’m so sorry,” I muttered through a steady stream of tears because I was. I didn’t know what else to say. I couldn’t sit there and deny my feelings for Colton, knowing full and well that he was the reason I couldn’t say yes. That if I was honest with myself, I needed this summer, not to see how I felt about Dean, but to find out once and for all how Colton felt about me. Because, in all actuality, Dean would always be the consolation prize. I just never knew that he’d realized it too.
“Don’t cry, baby. It’s going to be okay.” How’d we get from me cheating on him to him consoling me?
“Dean, I think we need a break...” I blurted out, feeling overwhelmed by his willingness to forgive so easily. I didn’t deserve his forgiveness, and selfishly I didn’t want it. This would all be so much easier if he were anything but absolutely perfect.
His nervous laughter filled the line. “I thought that’s what this was?”
“Not just time apart...I think we need to break up.”