Daddy was out at the stable with his newest purchase, a pretty quarter horse that Mom had seen and wanted when they’d gone to the sale, initially to buy some cattle. Mom had married Daddy when I was little. She was a wonderful woman who made him happy. She loved me and we loved her. My family was perfect to me.
Having that ruined in any way wasn’t easy. The one thing I always had to hold onto in my life and depend on felt like it was teetering on the brink of falling apart. Maybe another person wouldn’t be so determined to know the truth no holding onto the love and security I had would be simpler, but I needed to face the past. I had to ask daddy why he’d loved me anyway, raised me as his own, how he could even stand to look at me when I was a constant reminder of his wife’s betrayal.
As a kid, whenever I thought there was a monster under my bed, I would grab a baseball bat and immediately search for it, instead of hiding under the covers. I never backed down and hid. I faced my fears. This was no different. It was the biggest fear I’d ever faced but I was ready.
“Hey, buttercup,” Daddy called, stepping from the stables. He’d seen me headed his way.
“Hey,” I replied, my voice cracking, tears quickly filling my eyes. Apparently, this wasn’t like fighting the monsters under my bed. This was scarier. I loved this man, trusted him with my life. I knew he’d be there no matter what. But I knew my questions would hurt him.
His smile sagged. “Who the hell do I need to beat up? Why’re there tears in my girl’s eyes?” He took three long strides, grabbed both my arms, and looked down at me with sad eyes. “Is this another Sutton boy’s doing? Cause if it is, I’m gonna go burn that place down. I swear to God, I’m sick of those boys hurting you. What else have they done?”
The fact that he didn’t know the truth was even more apparent as he spoke. I had to tell him. I was going to destroy the love this man always had for me. Could I do that? I felt my knees go weak. I couldn’t lose my daddy.
“Alright, buttercup, you’re scaring me. Is your momma okay?” he asked, glancing back at the house.
I nodded. “It’s not about her,” I managed to say without sobbing.
“Talk, darling, I can’t fix this if I don’t know what I need to fix.”
My daddy always tried to fix my problems. But he hadn’t been able to mend my broken heart when Asher had turned away from me. And now, he would not be able to fix what I had to tell him, either. The problem was standing right before him. I was the unfixable mistake.
“I heard Asher Sutton was home. Is this about him?” Daddy asked, his voice laced with anger. “He’s a man now and I don’t have a problem beating the hell outta him.”
“Daddy,” I said, interrupting his angry tirade about Asher. “Did you know . . . did you . . . I . . .” How did I ask my father whether he knew his wife was unfaithful? I couldn’t do this. Could I do this? God, this was too much.
“Did I know what, baby? What’s bothering you?” he replied. His words were gentler as he pulled me closer to his chest like he was protecting me. And he didn’t even know from what.
“My . . . mother . . . did she . . .” I stopped, swallowed hard, because I felt sick. Hearing this was one thing, but repeating it was another thing altogether.
“You said this wasn’t about Mom,” he whispered with concern, gazing again at the house. He didn’t understand.
I shook my head. “No, the woman . . . my real mother,” I replied, his body immediately tensing. We never talked about her, ever, not once. I didn’t know why she had left. Had she left because of an affair? Did he not know that I was the product of that affair?
“Has someone contacted you?” he asked, his voice strained and quavering.
I shook my head. I’d once planned on finding her. Now, I never wanted to see her. She’d ruined my life, leaving lies behind that destroyed everything. “Did you know she had an affair with Vance Sutton?” I asked before I could stop myself. Closing my eyes tightly, I immediately wanted to take those words back. I did not want him to know this. I loved him. He was my daddy. I couldn’t lose that. Ever.
“Honey, mentally, she wasn’t well. But yes, I knew. How did you find out about this?” His words surprised me. I hadn’t expected him to know that much, if anything. “Do the Sutton boys know?”
I nodded. “Yes, Asher found letters that Millie wrote to Vance. They said some things . . .” tears were now spilling free down my face. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I’d faced this fear and now I had to wait, see what happened next.
Daddy stared down at me frowning with worry on his face and then slowly understanding lit his eyes. He closed them tightly, muttering a curse, before pulling me against him and squeezing. “Oh, no, baby, I know what Asher must have read. It’s not what you think, buttercup. You’re my princess. You hear me? You’re mine. I got proof of that. Those letters were from a mentally unstable woman. A woman who hurt others as if life was a game. Millie’s beauty was something she used as a weapon against people.”
I pulled away from him to search his face. “I’m not Vance Sutton’s daughter?” I repeated it, said it again, making sure I wasn’t hearing him wrong.
“No!” Daddy yelled angrily. “Hell no! You’re all mine! Although Millie tried to destroy me and Vance Sutton with her lie. I had a paternity test done when you were born because Vance demanded it. He wanted proof you weren’t his. But understand this, from the moment they handed you to me, minutes after you were born, you became mine, right then and there. You stole my heart, a heart I didn’t think could heal, but you healed it the moment I looked into your eyes and no piece of paper could have taken that away from me. I wouldn’t have cared what that paper said, you were my baby girl. I was willing to fight for you. I wanted you. Yes, Millie had broken me, but you, Dixie Monroe, you saved me from the darkness. You were my miracle. You lit my life.”
I let my Daddy hold me and cried.