“You talked to Steel?” he asked, and my knees went weak. Why were my knees going weak? Why was being close to him like this as insanely all-consuming as it had been three long years ago? Before he tossed me out like trash.
“Not exactly. We’re meeting up later to talk. Before I talked to him, I wanted to talk to you.” It had taken all my strength to speak calmly. I wanted to scream at Asher. Demand to know why he hated me.
“You need to talk to Steel, not me,” he replied, then he turned to walk away.
Just like before, he was blocking me out. Refusing to acknowledge me. I hated him again, how he used me, and then could so easily forget me. I hated that I still loved him. A scream tore loose and I lunged, grabbing Asher’s arm to stop him. He wouldn’t leave me again.
This time I wouldn’t stand here and take it. I would tell him what a horrible person he was. I roared “no!” as my hands wrapped around his bicep, which once used to curl around my shoulder back when I was something precious to him. Pushing those memories aside, I squeezed his arm and jerked him toward me, as hard as I could.
Asher stopped. His body tensed. Asher Sutton was not a small guy. He was all hard lines and muscles. Broad shoulders with a narrow waist. Thighs that made women drool. Yet, here I was screaming at him, and yanking on his arm like a kid, throwing a temper tantrum.
“Not this time! You won’t walk away from me again!” I tried to fill my voice with determination but I was fighting back tears inside.
Asher slowly turned. I let his arm go, suddenly realizing I was touching him. When his eyes met mine, I was unprepared for the pain I saw in them. It took my breath away and I had to take a step back to recover.
“Haven’t I done enough?” he replied. “Can’t this be all I have to endure? Do you want me to continue killing us both? Reduce us both to nothing?”
He didn’t try to hide his pain, that hateful mask of relaxed indifference he’d used with me for so long now replaced by unchecked, raw anguish. It took all I had in me to stop myself from taking him into my arms, to make that look in his eyes go away.
“Why? I need to know why,” I spoke softly. I stood where I was because I knew Asher would push me away if I went to him. He wouldn’t let me touch him. There was too much emotion running through him.
“I can’t be who you need me to be. I can’t be who you deserve me to be. I thought once that I could, but I found out that I made a terrible mistake. One I can’t take back.” He tightly closed his eyes, muttered a curse, before opening them again and leveling them on me. “If I could erase the past, our time together, I would take it all back. Every single moment, Dixie. I would wipe out every goddamn moment. Then you could move on and forget me. You were never meant to belong to a Sutton boy.”
A week had passed since he first kissed me. Walking out my front door every single morning to find Asher Sutton standing at his truck, with his arms crossed and that smile on his face, still seemed unreal to me. Like I was living in a dream. But it wasn’t a dream. This was real. I was Asher Sutton’s . . . girlfriend? I then realized I wasn’t sure I should call myself that. We hadn’t discussed it yet.
He kissed me. He walked me to my classes. Had me wait on him until practice was over so he could drive me home. But we didn’t go anywhere together. He wasn’t asking me out on dates. Maybe I was making more of this than was actually there. My heart sank at the mere thought I’d been imaging all this.
“Mornin’,” Asher said as I reached him. He always waited leaning back against the passenger side of the truck.
“Good morning,” I replied, trying to smile. The joy I’d felt at stepping outside and seeing Asher was quickly fading. Maybe I was misunderstanding this thing between us.
Asher took a step closer. His hand cupped my face. “What’s wrong? I’m used to seeing a smile. Not a big fan of that frown.”
I tried harder to force a smile.
“Dix, that ain’t a real smile,” was his response.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Guess I’m not awake yet. Stayed up too late reading.”
He didn’t look convinced, but he bent his head and pressed a kiss to my temple, looking behind me before moving back. “Not brave enough to kiss you the way I like with your daddy watching us. I can see his figure in the window.”
That did make me smile a little. I knew Asher was being funny because Daddy wouldn’t be standing in the window. Then again, he was probably watching from somewhere.
Asher opened the truck door and held out his hand. Like I always did, I slipped my hand in his and climbed into the truck. This part was real. He was here taking me to school. I should be happy about this. I was being greedy wanting more.
When he was inside, he patted the seat right next to him. “Why don’t you slide over here?”
I moved my book bag to the floorboard and slid over a little. This was a first.
“You know I don’t bite, Dix. Come on, get closer, up against me.”
I continued to slide over until Asher’s hand rested on my left knee. “There. That’s better. I like that.”
I agreed, it was better. Much better.
“I got my smile back,” he said, sounding pleased with himself. “Tell me what you were reading last night.”
I didn’t imagine that Asher was a reader. “Lord of the Flies for literature class. I have to write a report on it.”
Asher nodded. “I remember that. My favorite book we read that year was The Old Man and the Sea.”
“That’s next month’s required reading.”
“You’ll have to tell me what you think of it.”
This conversation wasn’t one that people in a relationship had. Or was it? I had no idea. But I was sitting beside him with his hand on my knee, which was making my heart beat faster. I knew that had to mean something.
“After the game tonight, will you go with me to Jack’s? The team will be there because the food is free. I’d like to have you with me.”
That was a date. He was asking me on a date. Daddy wouldn’t let me go inside Jack’s. But I wasn’t going to worry about that. I would do it anyway and hope Jack didn’t tell, which was obviously a friggin’ long shot.
“Okay,” I agreed.
He squeezed my knee. “Good. I’m glad.”
To me, it was more than good. It was wonderful. Stupendous. Groundbreaking. Even though I could end up being grounded for the rest of my life. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
When he pulled into his parking spot at school, I could see people, mainly girls, turning to watch his truck approach. They saw me sitting there close to him. Not a single female looked happy. It wasn’t my first day arriving in his truck, but it was the first time I ever rode right beside him.