I scanned the crowd. I could lie and tell myself I wasn’t looking for Asher, but I was. I craved to see him and I had to get a handle on this. I was happy he was fine with me dating Steel, and it bothered me, too.
Brent’s laughter caught my attention and I knew Scarlet was probably with him. But my eyes didn’t seek Brent or Scarlet. They sought Asher who was sitting on a bar stool, holding a cue, watching Brent taunt Bray. The smile on Asher’s face wasn’t the heart-stopping one I’d once loved so much. Instead, it was a sad one. Did coming home make him sad? Once, I would’ve been able to wrap my arms around him and ask him what was bothering him. He would’ve told me and we could’ve worked right through it together.
“Want a Coke?” Steel asked as he pulled me in his brother’s direction.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted.
I shook my head and Steel bent his to kiss the top of mine. “I swear, babe, it’s okay,” he whispered in my ear.
He thought I was worried about Asher being upset about us. But what really worried me was how I would react to being near Asher again, after all this time. Would I be able to breathe? Would my heart hurt too much?
I looked for Scarlet, but I only saw Brent. He looked up from the pool table where he was watching Bray sink a ball, his smile wavering. He wasn’t sure about this. Great. Had Steel been wrong? “Guess we’re all together again. About damn time. Scarlet’s on her way,” Brent said with a genuine smile, before he winked at me and collected his stick, then walked over to the table.
Bray straightened and glanced back at me. His frown told me he wasn’t on board. That this was a bad idea. I couldn’t help but agree with Bray. But this was something Steel wanted for us.
“Hey, Em, why don’t you come entertain Asher while I take his place in this game,” Bray called to Emily James. Damn him. Was he doing this on purpose? I’d watched Emily paw all over Asher after he dumped me. I hated it then and it still made my skin crawl just thinking about it.
“What the hell ever,” Steel said grinning. “If Asher is out, then I’m in. You had your turn. I’m up.” Steel left me to walk over to the pool table.
I refused to glance over at Asher and Emily freakin’ James. I knew she was tall with long legs. She had big fake boobs her momma bought her when she was eighteen years old. I also knew she’d spread her legs for Asher more than once. Word had gotten around. It didn’t hurt any less now than it did back then. Emily of all people. Asher knew how she’d once treated me. And he’d done it anyway.
“He’s not paying Em any mind. Stop tensing up or Steel’s gonna notice,” Dallas whispered in my ear. The youngest Sutton boy was the largest and the most perceptive by far. He studied crowds and body language like it was his chosen profession. “Ash ain’t into fake titties anyway,” he added, smirking all amused.
I glanced up at him and he shrugged as if to say, “what? You know I’m right.”
“Nothing’s fake about her legs,” I replied in a bitter tone that I hated myself for. Dallas’s gaze flicked over my shoulder in the direction of Emily’s lone voice. It came from where Asher was seated. “Yeah, true,” Dallas replied, “but once a pair of legs have been wrapped around the hips of every male in the county, what’s between them ain’t the glory land that it was before all the wrappings.”
I couldn’t stop the laugh that burst forth. Dallas’s eyes met mine and he grinned, obviously pleased with himself for his comment. “That’s more like it,” he said. “Don’t none of us want to see you all frowning. We love Ash and we’re thrilled he’s home, but we want the whole group to be alright again. To lay all the bullshit to the side.”
In other words, I had to get over Asher.
I nodded and immediately replied. “Yes, we do.” Because there was nothing I wanted more in the world than not to feel the pain slicing through me every time I thought of Asher. For three long years, I’d been heartbroken. When would it end? Would it ever?
“Come here, baby,” Steel said, drawing my attention over to him. He was holding out his pool stick. “Show this smartass how it’s done. I’m sick of watching Bray beat the shit outta everyone at this table.”
Steel. I was here with Steel. He loved me. That was a truth I could count on.
I walked to him, his hand sliding around my waist, pulling me close. We were always like this, but having Asher a few feet away from us, made it feel like I was on a stage, being watched, judged and accused. I hated that feeling.
“I’m gonna head out. I’ll see y’all at the house,” Asher said, standing up, before walking away without another word. The silence that fell as he left made it all even more awkward. He hadn’t wanted me here. He never wanted me around.
“Guess I was pushing it. My bad. I shoulda eased him into this.” Steel spoke, looking over at Bray. When Asher wasn’t around, it was Bray that the rest of the Sutton boys looked to, him being the second oldest, even if by only five minutes.
“Yeah, dipshit,” Brent said. “Probably shoulda not called her baby.” He then slapped the back of Steel’s head and reached for his drink on the table. “He was just starting to relax.”
Steel groaned and ran his hand through his hair: “I’ll talk to him. Damn, this is fucked up. He shouldn’t care anymore.”
I didn’t want to be standing here listening to this conversation. I was the problem and I felt even more out of place and in the way than ever before. “Maybe I should go home,” I finally said, speaking up and reminding Steel that I was here, listening to it all.
He looked up at me and grimaced. “Sorry about this, but yeah, I need to go and talk to Ash. I don’t want him running off again. Momma would be heartbroken if he didn’t stick around for a while. And we all miss him.”
I nodded. I understood. I just wished it wasn’t this way. But then again, I’d been wishing for a lot of things for as long as I’d known Asher Sutton. Repeated wishes wear you thin. Especially when they don’t come true.
I said yes to Sellers for one reason. And that reason wasn’t fair. Sellers was being nice, he was just flirting, but my using him to show Asher I was more than a little girl to protect had been wrong. Yet, I said yes knowing it was wrong. Now I needed to tell him no. Maybe even tell him the truth, as embarrassing as the truth was to admit.