I let out a little sigh as I looked out the window, my mood sinking – but this time it had nothing to do with the Shifter Royale, and everything to do with the way Lakin had reacted to my magic. Over the last few months, I’d come to realize that magic was just as much a part of me as my beast, and that in order to have control of myself I had to accept both sides. Which meant that whoever I chose to let into my life had to be okay with both sides too.
Lakin had been nothing but kind and helpful to me – a refreshing change from the way the rest of the Jaguar Clan treated me. But I couldn’t ignore how he instinctively recoiled from magic, just like almost every other full-blooded shifter. There was no way that I could be with Lakin, not beyond a one-night stand, and I didn’t do one-night stands with people I worked with. Not unless he outgrew his fear of magic, and at his age that was highly unlikely.
So I couldn’t have Lakin, and I couldn’t have Iannis. Who did that leave me with? I’d yet to come across any other mage I could tolerate, and Lakin’s fear of magic was the same reason I’d never gotten seriously involved with other shifters – there was no way to have a long-term relationship with a shifter and keep my magic a secret. Probably my best chance at finding a mate would be if I ran into another shifter-mage hybrid like myself… and seeing how rare we were, I doubted that was ever going to happen.
Yup. I definitely didn’t have to worry about Melantha cursing my progeny, because I was never going to have any.
“So,” Annia said as she turned onto the main road leading to Turain. “When were you going to tell us that you spent part of the other day hanging on the underside of Firegate Bridge and defusing a bomb?”
“Huh?” I jerked myself out of my melancholy thoughts to stare at Annia.
She regarded me with a dry look. “A couple of Enforcers saw a black panther clinging to one of the beams beneath the bridge. We all heard about the attack on the Bridge and how the Chief Mage stopped it, but nobody in the news mentioned that you were involved. And neither did you.”
“You helped the Chief Mage defuse the bomb beneath the Bridge?” Lakin’s voice was incredulous. “How did you manage that in beast form?”
“Teamwork.” I kept it at that, remembering my promise to Iannis that I wouldn’t talk about the strange magic he’d used to temporarily merge our souls together. “I didn’t think to mention it because I was distracted by the case.”
“But Naya, you’re a hero,” Lakin protested. “Don’t you think you deserve some recognition for stopping a Resistance attack?”
“Honestly Lakin, that’s the last thing I need. The Resistance, according to my cousin Rylan, is already unhappy that I got involved in the first place. If the papers make a thing about it, I’m sure they would feel obligated to retaliate against me publicly somehow.”
“Hmph.” Annia scowled at that. “I never liked the Resistance’s methods. The more I hear about them, the more they sound like power-hungry terrorists. I’m not convinced we’d be better off with them at the helm than the mages.”
My eyebrows flew up at the vehemence in Annia’s voice. “I didn’t realize you’d taken such a hard stance against the Resistance.” Most humans were fans of the movement – they were better off than shifters, but they still didn’t like the fact that mages held most of the power.
“Yeah, well I started looking into them a bit more ever since Noria declared that she wants to run off and join up with the local Resistance army.” Annia tightened her grip on the steering wheel. “I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she doesn’t listen. I may have to have Mom chain her up at night to keep her from leaving.”
“I’m honestly not sure even that would work.” Shaking my head, I glanced out the window at the mountains flanking the road on either side of us, which looked like they’d caught fire in the light of the dying sun. Guilt squirmed in my chest – Noria had initially wanted to be an Enforcer, and Annia and I had both tried to dissuade her from that path because it was a dangerous line of work, and also because as a talented techno-geek we knew Noria was capable of so much more. But when I’d been arrested and nearly executed for possessing illegal magic, Noria had been exposed to the corruption in the Enforcer’s Guild, and decided the Resistance was the only group that had the power to right the scales. I couldn’t help but feel that it was my fault Noria wanted to join the Resistance – if I hadn’t fucked up and exposed my magic to everyone, she might still want to be an Enforcer. As much as the job sucked sometimes, it was better than joining a terrorist rebel army. At least being an Enforcer didn’t make you an enemy of the state, and though the system was flawed you still had the potential to do a lot of good.
“Yeah, well I’m planning on talking to her about the attack on the bridge the next time I see her,” Annia declared. “Maybe that will knock some sense into her.”