He snorted at her. “That’s not balance. That’s inequality. Like a twelve-year-old girl trying to defend herself against a nineteen-year-old man. It’s not physically possible and she’s at the mercy of his morality. It works, provided he has morality. When he doesn’t … she’s his victim.” He sighed. “Moderation and balance. Do no harm. Respect all life. That’s what my father taught me. Damn shame Barnabas didn’t learn that.”
Bastien frowned as he met her gaze. “But then I can’t reconcile how my father treated Jullien … or Xander. I mean, really. He harmed them both. Greatly. Badger was as much his son as I am. As Quin was. And Badger needed our sa a lot more than we did.”
“People aren’t perfect.”
“I know. It’s what I keep telling myself. But I just wish I understood.”
Now that they were launched, Ember went over to hold him. “I’m glad you don’t. It’s what makes you different.”
Bastien closed his eyes as her hand brushed against his scalp. Double-checking the comm, he made sure no one could see or hear them and turned on the autopilot.
“What are you doing?”
He pulled her into his lap to hold her close. “Right now, holding you. In the next few minutes, I plan to be inside you.”
She sucked her breath in sharply. “You’re incorrigible.”
“But you’re not saying no.”
“I know.” It’d been too long for her too. She needed him as much as he needed her.
She kissed his lips.
When she lifted her head, she saw the dark look in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just thinking of what you asked. If we lose this war, we’ll all be put to death.”
“I won’t let them have you.”
“And I won’t let them take you or Florian.”
“Then don’t look so sad.” She reached down between their bodies to undo his pants. The moment she touched him, he let out a deep hiss.
Ember smiled. This was what she’d always loved most. The power she had over him whenever he was like this. He might be stronger and much larger, but he was hers to command at will.
And they both knew it.
He was hers. He’d always been hers.
Every day they were together, it was getting harder to think of not having him around. Harder to remember how she’d made it without him.
Smiling, she watched him undo her shirt before he slid his hot hand over her flesh. There was magic in his touch. How a man so brutal could be so tender, she’d never understand. And yet he had patience and kindness in a way few did.
Her thoughts wandered as he slowly tongued her breasts, and she remembered finding her picture among his meager gear. It and a photo of his parents and siblings had been the only personal items he’d kept during his exile. When she’d asked him about it, he’d been completely unapologetic.
It’s what got me through.
And he was what currently saved her sanity. His son had been what had kept her going through everything else.
She owed him her life. Rian had given her focus. He’d given her purpose.
Most of all, he’d given her unconditional love.
“Don’t ever leave me again, Bas.”
He pulled back to gently cup her breast. “I’m not going anywhere, Elskamun. I’m right here.”
Nodding, she slid herself onto him. They both moaned in pleasure.
Bastien watched as she rode him slowly. He still couldn’t believe that she was back in his life. Every day he woke up, he expected her to leave again. Every minute, he held his breath, expecting her to banish him back to the darkness without her.
It was why he tried to cherish every heartbeat he had with her and Florian. He was tired of fate or whatever ripping him out of their lives. Jullien had said the same thing to him about Ushara and his kids when he’d lived on Oksana.
He’d been unable to relate to his cousin at the time. But he fully understood now.
That was the hardest thing about loving. That fear of loss. Especially after she’d already cut his heart out once and fed it to him. Trusting her again was so much harder than he’d ever imagined.
And yet he couldn’t stay away. No matter how hard he tried to protect himself.
He loved her. Against all common sense and self-preservation. Really, it wasn’t fair.
But then, nothing in life was. And right now, he didn’t want to be anywhere else except inside her. Staring into her beautiful eyes while she made love to him.
And when she came in his arms, he smiled, then joined her there.
With a contented sigh, she collapsed against him and laid her head on his shoulder. That action stunned him, as she’d never done such before.
“You okay, Elskamun?”
“Petrified.”
The fact that she’d admit it … “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
“I wish you’d say the same about yourself, Bas. That’s what scares me. I have a bad feeling that won’t go away. Every day it grows worse.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “I was holding my mother when she died. She looked at me, choked, and was gone.” A sob racked her. “I don’t ever want to live through that again, Bas. I couldn’t take it if I lost you again.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why does it have to be so hard?”
“I don’t know, Em. My father used to say that life tries us all without prejudice or mercy.”
“But why?”