“You sure?”
“I need to give Susan the carrots before she eats all the onions.” She squeezed my forearm. “Please.”
She pushed me out. Literally pushed me.
I took the hint and ran outside.
CHAPTER 53
CARA
The last wedge of sun had slipped below the horizon five minutes earlier, and the sky darkened to teal on the east and glowed orange on the western horizon. Margie rumbled between my legs and my arms wrapped around the hard tight shape of Brad’s waist.
He hadn’t been wearing a helmet, and hadn’t offered me one. The safe cocoon of his family must have already formed around me, because I thought nothing of it. Rounding a highway, through a wooded area, down a main street, I was lost in five minutes. I pressed my cheek to his back, smelling the leather and the wind, and let him take me wherever he wanted to go.
He turned at a wooded road and stopped where the road ended. When the engine cut I could hear the trickle of a creek and the click of the kickstand going down.
The headlight flickered out. When the bike was stable I got off.
“How you feeling, teacup?” He swung a leg over the bike.
“Fine. That was a nice ride.”
“I was worried you’d toss your cookies.”
“Take me for a ride on the teacups again. You’ll see some cookie-tossing.”
He took my hand. I hesitated. It was too dark. I couldn’t see a foot in front of me.
“I have you.” He pulled me forward, telling me to watch my step when a root jutted up, until the trees cleared and I could see the edge of the starry sky above and hear the rustle of the brush and trickle of a creek.
Brad pulled off his jacket and laid it on a boulder on the bank, then took my hand again. He helped me to the ground and sat behind me, legs around mine, arms around my waist, chin on my shoulder.
Words to describe how that felt. None in English. Best thing ever with a shade of this-is-wrong. Comforting and disconcerting.
“Your family’s very nice.”
“I feel like I live on another planet,” he said. “They don’t know why I can’t clean my own house as it is. They don’t understand why I brought you.”
“I don’t blame them.”
“And there’s something else. It’s about Paula. Buddy clued me in.”
“Okay?”
“Paula’s from around here. She’s been in the habit of suggesting I was just having my fun until I settled down and married her.”
“Really?” I said sarcastically. “She’s open-minded. If you were promised to me, I would have put a cowbell on your dick.”
He laughed. I heard some relief in it, as if he expected me to be mad.
“Word got around and, well, people don’t take to being lied to. She’s gonna be embarrassed. No telling what she’ll do.”
“Are you going to ask her about it?”
“Nope. Doin’ it the southern way. Keeping it courteous. No fuss. But I thought you oughta know in case someone brought it up.”
“Noted. I’ll zip it.”
“Lock it.”
We said together: “Put it in your pocket.”
He kissed me in the dying light of the day. I felt nothing, heard nothing, tasted nothing but his lips.
“We needed to get away from everything. Just change geography. Go where no matter what, I’m me and even if they don’t get it, they love me. I think this trip was right. I’ve done everything wrong, and this feels right.”
“What have you done wrong? You conquered Hollywood. Five years ago you were nobody.”
He didn’t reply right away.
“There’s a lot you don’t know.”
I shrugged. Of course there was.
“Well, I know you like to peek into a girl’s shower.”
“True.”
“And you like to show off your ass when you’re losing an argument.”
He laughed and squeezed me.
“You’re a voyeur and an exhibitionist already. How bad could the rest be?”
“Well, now you know where I’m from. I should have warned you first, but I was afraid if I did, I’d chicken out. It’s rednecks and old Harleys. My house ain’t much, but I paid off the mortgage. Dad hasn’t mowed the lawn, and it looks like a weed farm. My sister’s got four kids from three guys. I guess that’s the worst of it.”
“I think that’s the best of it. You’re so real, Brad. I think you’re better equipped to handle fame than most people. You’re whole.”
He tucked a bit of hair that the wind had taken on a ride. The wind immediately reclaimed it.
“I’m not,” I continued, “I wanted you to know. I was meant to have children and I can’t because I rejected the first one.”
I’d never said that out loud. I had to turn away.
“Seeing your family . . .” I continued. “Even for a few hours . . . I like you even more, but I know this isn’t a permanent thing we have, and I’m okay with it. I can’t offer you what you need. So you don’t have to try and impress me or prove anything to me. You need to have a full life, and I’ll keep you from that.”
Maybe most women would have been afraid he would have agreed and reiterated that temporary was the best kind of relationship. But not me. I was afraid that he’d deny it. He’d either say I was whole and fine because he didn’t want to think of us as temporary, or because he was lying just to make me feel better.
He did neither.
“A full life’s not just for people who don’t have problems, teacup.” His phone buzzed against me and plinked a banjo tune. “That’s Mom,” he said. “We’d better go.”
He stood and pulled me up. It was night already, and the crickets squeaked loudly, competing with the ringing phone. We kissed for a moment, softly before I pushed him.
“Answer when your mother calls.”
He took the call.
“We’re coming back now,” he said without preamble.
He listened, rubbing his eyes. His body went slack. “Okay, I’ll take care of it when we get in. Bye, Mom. I love you too.” He tapped off. “Gotta get back.”
“Is Nicole all right?”
“Yeah. She’s fine.” He sounded distracted and unsure. “It was something else. Come on. Let’s go.”
CHAPTER 54
BRAD
“I had to go. I had no choice. No. Fuck this. I had a choice. Stay and wear you down until you were nothing but a fucking piece of a woman or . . .”
I stopped. Mom had texted that Paula had been calling. We’d had a session I’d forgotten about. I couldn’t keep putting the script off.
“What?” Paula said from the screen. The Skype from my parent’s old computer was delayed and grainy, and I could hear dinner happening through the door, but I had to take an hour out to review the script or I was going to make a fool of myself on set. Too bad my brain was everywhere it shouldn’t be. I was out of my element. I was distracted. I wanted to be at the dining room table more than I wanted to be working.
“I forgot it,” I said. “Can you—?”
Nicole burst in with a paper crown and a donut.
“Daddy, I brought you a dessert.”
She jumped on my lap and stuck the donut in my mouth. I took a bite and gave it back.