I heard his words, but they seemed distant. Against all reason, I wanted to kiss his fingers. Despite the horribly inappropriate time and place, I wanted to slide my hands into his hair and press my lips against his.
I stared at him. Gábor fell silent, his eyes fixed on mine. They were dark and warm, like buckwheat honey. Something flickered in them, and he looked away, dropping his fingers from my mouth. My lips felt chilled and exposed.
Gripping my arms for balance, he pulled himself upright. “Thank you.” As soon as he was stable, he released me. He glanced down the street, where the last of the Romanies straggled past. “You should go.”
No. He was pushing me away again. I could see it in the tight set of his lips, the way his eyes refused to meet mine, the darkening flush high in his cheeks. “I want to be here. With you. I want to know you will be all right.”
“I am fine. I must see to my family.”
“I’ll come with you,” I said. “Perhaps I can help.”
He shook his head. “It’s better if you don’t. They would be embarrassed for you to see them like this.”
I moved in front of him so he was forced to look at me, and set my bare hands to his cheeks. My stomach trembled, but my fingers were steady. “I will not think less of your family for what happened to them. That’s what friendship is—what love is. People who love you will not think less of you for grieving. I do not think less of you.”
Gábor set his hands over mine and drew them away from his face. He stared down at me. “What is it you want from me?”
I want you to forgive me for what I’ve done. Heat scalded my cheeks and washed down my throat. I willed myself to return his gaze. I want you to love me. “I wish you would let me be your friend. Let me help you.”
I took a deep breath, my heart hammering. Well-bred girls did not say what I was about to say. I thought ruefully of my escape from Grandmama’s house. Perhaps I was not so well-bred either. “I know this is neither the time nor the place for this discussion, but you seem determined to say nothing, so I must. I care about you. I might even love you. But I won’t know unless you allow me closer—and you are always so careful, so guarded.”
His beautiful dark eyes clouded. “Anna. You are a lovely young woman: pretty, witty, strong-hearted, brave.” His fingers tightened around mine.
I heard the unspoken “but” and turned my face away, tugging my hand free from his. My face burned with mortification. I had misread everything. Gábor did not care for me in that fashion. His silence now was only because he searched for the right words to let me down gently.
“You’ve said enough. I understand.” I whirled around, my eyes already filling with tears.
And then Gábor stood before me, blocking my path. He put his hands on my shoulders and drew me to him, bringing his lips down firmly on mine.
His lips were warm and surprisingly soft. I leaned into the kiss, desire and relief and hope surging through me. And then the kiss was no longer gentle, but something powerful—shot through with longing and a dark thread of sorrow. I didn’t know if it was love or fear or desperation or all three that drove us together, but I welcomed it. I slid my fingers behind his head to stroke the soft, fine curls at the nape of his neck. He released my shoulders, his hands moving in slow circles down my spine. Energy fizzed through my body, filling me until I thought I should burst with it.
He pulled back to rain kisses on my face: along my brow line, down the curve of my cheek, the corner of my mouth, before finding my lips again. My skin flared beneath his touch. I kissed him back, marveling at my temerity, thrilling that I could. He was here, he wanted me like I wanted him, and the miracle of this fact transcended any magic I knew.
Gábor pulled away first. I blinked at him, unsteady on my feet, shocked to find myself still standing in a muddy street in Tabán.
“How could I not love you?” he asked, his eyes fierce but his voice tender. “You are the bravest, kindest, most infuriating woman I’ve ever met.”
My heart expanded. He loves me.
Gábor continued, releasing my hand and stepping back a pace. “But try as I might, I cannot see a future for us. I see a lovely Luminate lady who will return to England and marry one of her own—and I see a Romani man who hopes at best to aspire to a small clerical or scientific position. There is nothing for you in this.”
“Must we have a future to be together now?” My voice sounded wistful, even to my ears.
Gábor’s gaze was steady. “You are not that kind of woman.”
A wind kicked up, whistling down the alley. I rubbed my arms, chilled in the weak sunlight. My mind understood his words, but my heart protested. I remembered Jane Eyre, the book James had sent me. Sometimes love can’t be had even when both lovers want it. I had adored Jane’s dark, bittersweet story, but I did not want it for mine.
“I am, and always will be, your friend. But I do not see how we can be more than this.” He held his arm out to me. I took it, his warmth and nearness firing electricity up my side. “Let me take you home. I’ll see to my family when you are safe.”
“I could try to break the spell on them,” I said, though I was fairly certain the ring would stop me if I made the attempt. But I had to offer.
Gábor stopped moving. “That is kind of you. But I don’t think it’s a good idea. You might free them—but in breaking the spell, you might cause other damage.”
His words stung, though he had not said anything I did not already know. The specter of his niece hung between us.
We walked down the hillside to the Duna and crossed the pontoon bridge. We followed the Korzó until we reached Rákóczy Street, and then turned into the heart of Pest. At Grandmama’s doorstep, I emptied my reticule and gave him all the money I could find inside it.
“It’s not enough,” I said. The infant’s thin wail against the sudden silence of the Romanies still rang in my ears. Money couldn’t atone for that. “But please, see that your family has everything they need.”
Gábor hesitated. “Thank you.”
Then it was my turn to hesitate. “You should know, I mean to try to break the Binding tomorrow night, with Lady Berri. I believe William intends to launch a revolution against the Hapsburgs after the spell is broken. Possibly I will fail. Perhaps we all will. And maybe the monsters we release will be dangerous. Maybe the magic released will be destructive.”
I took a breath. I could not unsend my letters to James. I was not even certain I could undo Pál’s spell, since, as Gábor charged, my control was unpredictable. “But I must do something. The Circle is as dangerous and destructive as anything in the Binding. I cannot let people like my uncle and Herr Steinberg use the power of that spell to abuse and control others.”
Gábor went very still.
“Will you try to stop us?” I knew that Gábor resisted the idea of a violent uprising.