I realized I'd been clutching the letter.
My heart was in my throat, swelling beyond belief as the rest of me struggled to figure out how to feel. The letters had always been intense, clearly private, but this... this was straight up obscene!
Shifting on the couch, I shivered at the movement. Reading his words had called up vivid images, setting my skin aflame even under my boring jeans and t-shirt.
Okay. Just take a breath and relax. Setting the letter down, I glanced immediately at the lingerie. I'd gotten the impression from his writing that S had met Pet, but maybe I was wrong. They had to be in contact somehow though, right?
He said she doesn't have his number.
Too much of this was still a mystery.
Part of me was glad he hadn't handed over his phone number. It meant I wasn't tempted to do what he'd said; take a photo in the outfit and—Stop, I chastised myself. You know that's wrong, plus you wouldn't have the guts. Besides, if you had his number, you could finally explain the mix up.
Yes. Of course.
Then everything would go back to normal.
Smoothing my hair back, I sighed. Boring, but normal. Why did that feel so depressing suddenly? I wanted to stop the packages, or...
I thought I did.
Peering at the lingerie, I chewed my lip. This is a dangerous game. S could be anybody, Pet could be anybody. I was getting too deep into their little world, it wasn't meant for me. I should have thrown everything in the trash, or at least never opened the boxes.
Why was resisting so hard?
My heart thumped, and finally, I reached for the bustier.
Under my palms, it was cool and luxurious. Helplessly, I rubbed it on my cheek. How much did this cost? I'd never gone inside a fancy lingerie store, just seen the occasional expensive bra while browsing the sale items at my local outlet mall.
As I breathed in the clean scent of the material, I pictured—or tried to picture—this S as he shopped. Had he gone past the display window, then turned back for a closer look? Had he been out deliberately looking for lingerie?
And... and what would it feel like, wearing this? Having him see me in it, aching to touch me while I longed to be touched? A shudder rolled down to my toes.
Standing, I hurried to my bedroom.
Don't do this, I told myself. It was futile; I already had my jeans around my ankles. Tossing my plain clothes aside, I eagerly slid the bustier over my head. Every place it touched brought bliss. My cells woke with excitement.
Whatever resistance I had vanished. It was as if the lingerie was pouring over my skin, milk into a glass, a thick coating that made my tongue tingle and my eyes flutter. It drifted over my hips, tickling my flesh.
It took me a second or two to figure out the garters, but when I did, I was delighted. They held the lace-topped leggings in place, the silk encasing my thighs tightly. It was an intimate embrace, stroking my arousal.
Peeling the panties upwards, I couldn't help but imagine they were being tugged onto me by someone else. Someone with calm, controlling muscles... someone who knew what he wanted and was determined to show me.
When the panties cupped my *, I breathed out sharply. My pulse went into overdrive. I was doing exactly what he'd said. That thrilled me in a way I couldn't describe. I was peering into a perverse new world.
Catching a glimpse of myself in my full-length mirror, I froze.
The person looking back wasn't me. She was elegant, flaring with heat and eager to be touched. This was no shrinking, mousy girl, this...
This is wrong.
Blushing, I hurried to take everything off. I fumbled with the garters, toppling onto my bed in my panic. Get it all off! The backs of my eyes throbbed. Why did I think this was okay?
Every piece of clothing crumpled to the rug. Breathing heavily, I let the clean air rake over my naked skin. I'd been sweating, hot from the inside of my core.
In the mirror, I saw the confusion in my wide eyes. Yes. This girl looked more like me.
Baffled, lost.
Pathetic.
Ruffling my hair, I eyed the outfit as if it was made of acid. It had felt so good to wear it, but the fantasy wasn't meant for me. Dipping into this private world that existed between two strangers, it was horrible.
As I hugged myself tight, flooding with shame over my actions, I couldn't deny the other feeling inside of me. Something crisp and wild that grew day by day.
Even if I knew this was wrong, and even if I admonished myself for going so far...
I anticipated the next gift more than ever.
- Chapter Three -
Alexis
“Those are lovely earrings.”
My head snapped up, fingers touching my ears reflexively. Against the soft pads of my fingertips, the silver edges felt like barbed wire.
I knew I shouldn't have worn them, I just... I couldn't resist. I'd gotten so bad at controlling my impulses these days.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, forcing a smile.