“I can’t believe this. Blue balls for this shit? You owe me,” he said, and then he left.
Jennifer sat on her couch, her heart pounding. She couldn’t believe what the biker had been thinking. Even worse, she didn’t know why her loins had begun to stir when he’d kissed her. She wanted him. She always had. But…she wasn’t ready. He was a bad boy. He would be rough with her. She didn’t need that. She needed Ryan.
When she got Jaxson to school, she called Ryan. He agreed to come over on his lunch break. She told him why she had been distant, what had happened. He held her. She kissed him. They made love. Afterward they lay together. He had been gentle, caring, sweet and tender. It had been what she’d needed, but it made her realize Ryan wasn’t the man she needed. Why couldn’t he look and act like Rocky but make love to her like he did? Couldn’t a good guy be a little bad? Or a bad guy be a little tender? Was that too much to ask for?
Ryan went back to work, and Jennifer knew she was going to break up with him. She needed a man who could keep her safe. She knew Ryan couldn’t. Sex had been the furthest thing from her mind as of late, but safety had been forefront in her mind. Somehow the two were mixing.
Jennifer didn’t like confrontation, something she had picked up by dating assholes. They were short tempered, and confrontation always led to fights, so she almost called Ryan when she knew he would be home from work. But she felt as though she owed the man more, so she went to see him after dropping Jaxson off with Barbara.
“Hey, hon,” Ryan said when he opened the door, but he must have seen something in her face, because he sighed. “Uh-oh.”
“How’d you know?”
“Go check in the mirror,” Ryan said glumly.
“Listen, it’s not going to work.”
“This afternoon…” Ryan said, but he trailed off, his words hanging in the air between them.
“I know,” Jennifer said. “You’re the best guy I’ve ever dated,” she added. “That’s no joke. I’m being serious.”
“Then why would it not work?”
“Maybe I’m not good enough,” she said with a shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re too good.”
“I’m too good to date?”
Jennifer sighed. “This is hard, all right, Ryan? Thank you for everything. You’re really something else, in a good way. You’re different than any man I’ve known.”
“I can give you time,” Ryan said. “I know what happened, and this afternoon, maybe we shouldn’t have, but you started it. I would wait; I will wait.”
“I don’t think you could keep me safe from that monster,” Jennifer finally said truthfully. “Maybe I need a monster of my own.”
And with that, she left the man, his mouth hanging open behind her, as though he were about to say something else. She didn’t give him the chance.
5
Finally, almost three weeks after she had been raped on the bar floor, Jennifer returned to Chuck’s. Brittany was behind the bar when she got there, and Andre was in the kitchen. He hugged her when he saw her.
“If I would have been here,” he started, but Jennifer smiled and shook her head.
“I know,” she said. “How’s the baby?”
Andre grinned. His wife had given birth less than two weeks before. “Fit as a fiddle,” he said. “You got to come by and see him, all right?”
“I will,” Jennifer said, and she went out behind the bar. Brittany gave her a hug too, but the younger woman didn’t know what to say, so she stayed quiet. Rose was at the bar, and she slid a shot across to Jennifer.
“On me, kiddo,” she said, and Jennifer took it, slamming the empty glass down on the bar when she was done. Her throat burned, but she started to laugh.
That night Rocky came in with a couple of his biker club pals. He paid Jennifer no mind, and she thought it would stay that way, but just after midnight he approached the bar and leaned against it.
“Can I talk to you?” he said.
“I’m a little busy.”
“No you ain’t. Come talk to me,” he said, and he reached for her hand.
“Out back,” she said with a sigh, not taking his hand, and then she disappeared into the kitchen, heading for the back door. Rocky went out the front and walked around the building.
“What?” Jennifer asked when she saw him. She was leaning against the wall next to the back door.
“I wanted to say sorry,” the biker said. “I was being an asshole.”
“You think?”
“I’m trying to apologize,” Rocky said, and she softened.
“All right,” Jennifer said. “I do appreciate what you did for me.”
“I would do anything for you,” Rocky said, and then he laughed. “Good lord, I sound like that dork you’re dating.”
Jennifer laughed and shook her head. “I broke up with him a couple of days ago.”
“How come?”
Jennifer paused for a moment, and then she shrugged. “He wasn’t you.”
Rocky tilted his head to the side and raised a brow. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m an all right guy, you know,” he said. Jennifer laughed.