He leaned forward, pressing his lips firmly to my forehead. “This is not your fault. You didn’t know he was married. You are not responsible for his sin. He, and he alone is.”
The pit in my stomach widened, threatening to suck me in. “You don’t understand. There was this moment, when I held his wedding ring in my hand…I thought—just for a second—about simply putting it back and not saying anything. I’d been so happy, and I didn’t want it to end. I wanted him to choose me. I’d finally realized why Mom had stayed all those years, waiting for a man who would never keep his promise, and I hated myself for being weak enough—selfish enough—to even contemplate the same.”
“But you ended it.”
“Sure, before Harrison could. Before he could make the promises that he’d leave his wife, or say that I was his world, only to eventually walk away.”
“Like your father.”
I nodded, unable to really voice what Grayson knew.
“I wigged out in the middle of the quad when he came running after me, and slapped him so hard he wore my handprint on his face to his next class.”
A corner of his mouth tilted up. “I bet you did.”
“Another professor saw it and reported it. Harrison didn’t…press charges, but I didn’t exactly show up for the disciplinary hearing, either.” I shook my head and dropped my gaze. “His family is an institution there. His mother is on the board, and his sister works there, too. No one was going to believe me, and even if they did, I still struck a professor.”
“Classes?” He ran his hands down my arms, warming my chilled skin, until he clasped my hands in his.
How long until he saw me for what I really was and pulled away? “I quit going. I tried…once. I made it all the way to the parking lot, but when I saw the other students, I couldn’t do it. By then there was a video posted online someone had taken. Harrison had it removed, mostly for his dignity, but everyone saw that I hit him. I couldn’t sit in his class, hell, any class where the teacher had been warned about me. That was November. December I missed finals, and my expulsion letter came before Christmas.”
“You were scared.”
“Terrified.” Paralyzed with it and unable to say how much until this moment. “Telling my mother meant she’d know, but I haven’t told her the whole truth. I can’t stand the thought of her looking at me any differently, or seeing her bad choices echoed in me.”
“You are not the villain here.”
“Being a villain and being guilty are two different things. I still could have ripped apart that marriage. Maybe it’s my mother’s karma biting me in the ass, or maybe it’s because I’m incredibly selfish, but I will screw this up somehow if we try.”
“Let me make that call.” His chair squeaked against the hardwood as he pushed back from the table, but he didn’t drop my hands. Instead, he tugged, pulling me to my feet and then into his lap. His strong arms surrounded me, and my head fit perfectly against his neck. “I’m so sorry for what happened.”
“What?” I asked. “Why on earth would you be sorry? You’ve been through hell. I’m an adulterer. There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. If anything, you should be tossing me off your lap and heading for the nearest exit, not pulling me closer.” He did just that, one of his hands dwarfing the side of my face as he stroked my cheek with his thumb. “I don’t even know what we’re thinking. You only have six months before you graduate.”
“Yes, and we’ll handle that when it comes.” He gently lifted my face. “Samantha, take the chance. No matter what’s happening between us, whether we’re friends—or more—whatever we decide, I will be here for you. I will not abandon you, no matter what you’ve done, or what you do. If you can still trust me, take a chance on me, and I’ll prove it.”
“Why? I slept with my professor, dance on bars, and apply at strip clubs. I’m not the kind of girl you need.” I wasn’t Grace and never would be.