I headed out, this time grabbing my keys, and nearly ran into Josh as he opened the door. “Hey!”
“Hey, Sam.” He assessed me, no doubt looking for the tell-tale signs of heartache like puffy eyes, dark circles, generally unkempt hair. I was rocking all three. “You been okay?”
I nodded. No. “Yeah, of course. Morgan is actually a ton of fun. Thank you for getting me out of there so quickly the other day. I didn’t know you could move furniture that fast.”
“I’m a man of many talents.”
“So I’ve heard.” I smacked myself in the forehead. “That was so wildly inappropriate. I’m sorry.”
He laughed. “I’ll be sure to tell Ember.” His smile fell. “Seriously though. You’re okay?”
My smile fell. “How is he?”
“He’s got a wall up.”
“Go figure. It’s not like I expected him to break out the ice cream and pour his heart out to you guys.”
“Yeah, I don’t see that happening. Ever.”
“He hasn’t guessed I’m at Paisley’s, so there’s that. Not that I’m hiding from him, but I don’t think I could handle seeing him. Not yet.”
Josh rubbed his hand along my arm. “Sam, he knows. Jagger told him. It was in the same conversation that he called him an idiot, stubborn, stupid, and an asshole.”
“Oh. He knows? But he hasn’t…” Tried to see me.
Josh swallowed. “Yeah. He said something about no fight without faith, and then went for a run. A ten-mile run. In the rain.”
I forced a smile to keep from crying. “Well, I guess that settles that.”
“Sam—”
I stepped around him, craving the solitude of my car. “Don’t worry, Josh. It’s what I wanted. What I asked for.” It just feels like shit. “I’ll catch you later.”
I didn’t break down until I was behind the wheel.
Have a little faith in me. That hurt. How could he think I didn’t?
I had ultimate faith in him. That was the problem. He’d commit to me, and mean it. He’d stay by my side with unwavering loyalty…while his heart died a slow, painful death pining for his miracle.
I’d never stand by and watch that happen.
He deserved better. So did I.
The ocean breeze ruffled the spiral curls I’d worn my hair in today as I leaned against my car, staring at the pier I needed to be on in exactly ten minutes.
He said yes! I held onto that last text Avery sent me yesterday as my happy thought. Now I just needed some fairy dust, and maybe a new heart. Yeah, that might help.
“You going to be okay?” Ember asked as she leaned next to me.
“Yeah. I mean, we’re here for Jagger, right? This isn’t about me.” Or my stupid broken heart.
She looped her arm around my shoulder and rested her head against mine. “I think you’re really amazing, do you know that?”
“You’re my best friend. You’re morally obligated to say crap like that.” But it still felt good to hear.
“No, I’m not. Have you seen him yet?”
I shook my head. It had been two weeks, two days, and—I checked my watch—twenty-three hours. Eleven weeks until he would graduate. “I feel numb inside. Do you think that’s going to go away?”
“Yes,” she answered as we watched Josh carry the last of the giant boxes up onto the pier. “And I think when it does, you’ll want it back.”
“I miss everything about him.”
“He misses you. I’ve seen him, Sam. He’s the most stoic train wreck ever. Like…a statue of a train wreck? It’s really sad to watch.”
“It’s really sad to live. When you pushed Josh away, I thought you were quite possibly the stupidest girl I’ve ever known. He so obviously loved you, and you him. Am I being stupid? Should I have stayed?”
She sighed. “I don’t know. Our situations are completely different. If Josh had loved someone like that before me, and then she came back into his life?”
“I’d cut her down for you,” I promised.