“Sam, Grayson loves you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, the way he talks to you, or about you.”
“He cares a lot about me, Ember, but love… I don’t know how you can love someone if you never get your heart back from the person who took it in the first place. He loves Grace. He’s always loved Grace. It was one thing to compete against a ghost, to make peace with that, but the real flesh-and-blood Grace? This was over before it began.”
“You’re not giving yourself enough credit. Or him.” She stood to make another cup of coffee. Our shared caffeine addiction was as strong as our friendship. “What happened when he came home last night?”
Warmth rushed to my cheeks. “We didn’t exactly talk. I…slept with him and woke up in his bed this morning.”
She leaned back against the counter as the machine hissed out another dose of energy. “So he came home off the late flight, and the first thing he did was move you to his room, his bed, and make you come.”
I almost spit out my coffee. “Holy shit, Josh is rubbing off on you.”
She shrugged. “I’m just saying that doesn’t sound like a guy who thinks you’ve been lapped by another girl.”
“He didn’t so much as call.”
“Okay, well, that doesn’t really help his case, true. But give the guy a break; I’m sure he was in a little shock.”
“What if he slept with her?” The agony that ripped through my chest at the thought was nearly paralyzing.
She tilted her head at me. “The girl was in a coma for five years. I hardly think she woke up like, ‘let me get some of that.’”
“But what if he wanted to?” I hated this, the insecurities that had reared their ugly head and were currently choking the hope out of my soul. “Last night was different. It felt like he was saying good-bye.” My face twisted, and I rubbed my hand over my forehead. “I’m going to have to let him go, aren’t I?”
The front door opened, and I sucked in my breath, composing myself as Jagger and Josh came into the kitchen, both sweating like pigs. Attractive pigs, but yeah.
“What? No smoothie?” Josh teased me and then kissed Ember lightly. “Good morning.”
Jagger grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and tossed one at Josh.
“Where’s Grayson?” I asked, trying and failing to keep nonchalant. I didn’t miss the look that passed between the guys.
“He’s on the phone,” Jagger said and then drained his bottle.
I took a deep swallow of coffee, wishing I’d poured liquor into it.
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Grayson’s voice reached me at the same moment the door shut. “I know, I do, too, but I can’t. Looking at the schedule, we won’t have another four-day until the middle of October.” There was a pause, and everyone in the kitchen looked anywhere but at me. “I know,” his voice softened in a way I thought was only reserved for me, and I knew. He was talking to her. “It doesn’t work like that, and I can’t miss days, or they’ll set me back a class. I’ll try in a few weeks, but I can’t promise anything. Why don’t you have Miranda set you up with Skype and I can see you later?”
My heart crumpled, and it felt like a sucking wound, a black hole pulling everything in around it. This hurt so fucking much. Worse than being left behind when my friends went to college. Worse than being left when Ember took off for Nashville. Worse than Mom leaving for Afghanistan. Worse than Harrison walking away after I discovered his wedding ring.
Grayson might be here, but he’d already left, too.
Somehow I’d done it again—become the other woman, the one left behind and forgotten.
I felt it happen—the bricks of my defenses started to click back into place. It was like a tiny army invaded my heart and tried to slow the hemorrhage by shutting off every feeling.
“I’m so sorry I’ll miss it, Starboard, but I can’t leave.”