Or this afraid.
Because I’d been here before, taking the call that she’d woken up. Getting special dispensation to leave the Citadel for the weekend. Rushing to her side to realize that while she’d opened her eyes, she was still comatose.
That was the last time I ever gave a thought to the hope that Grace would return to me.
I took a shuddering breath and entered the lobby, waving at the desk clerk. The elevator dinged, and I stepped inside, and then waited the torturous hours to reach the eighth floor. The doors opened, and I prepped myself to hear that this was a mistake. She wasn’t awake, they’d misinterpreted a blink.
Or hell, maybe I’d wake the fuck up.
“Gray!” Parker ran toward me, her arms outstretched.
I caught her easily, but her show of affection only cemented that I was in a dream. This wasn’t real. “Hey, Parker.”
She grinned, lighting her face in a way I hadn’t seen in years. “It’s a miracle. Just…a miracle.”
“Right,” I answered.
They were all gathered outside her hospital room—Constance, Joey, Mom, Dad, the Bowdens. Everyone was smiling, slapping me on the back as I walked through the crowd like I’d scored a touchdown at the homecoming game. They all spoke, but only certain words registered.
“Trial program.”
“Stem cells.”
“Miracle.”
“Are you okay?” Mia broke through the haze, standing directly between Grace’s door and me.
“Sure.” Because this wasn’t real.
“Gray.” She snapped her fingers in front of my face, and I looked down at her.
“What?”
“Listen. She’s awake, for now. She’s been sleeping a lot, but the doctors say it’s part of the progress. So if she falls asleep on you, don’t panic.”
“She’s been sleeping a lot… But I got the call eight hours ago, Mia. How do they know what is normal?” The fog in my brain started to lift. She’d been awake long enough to establish a normal.
“She wanted us to wait until she was strong enough to see you.”
My eyes narrowed. “How long has she been awake?”
Mia swallowed. “I didn’t want to keep it from you, but Parker said—”
I wanted the numbness back. Anything was better than the volcano of rage building in my stomach warring for control with the nausea that warned this was too good to be true, which had its own fight with the tiny sliver of hope that this was real. Yeah, numb was a hell of a lot better. “How long?” I shouted.
She flinched.
“Almost three weeks,” Mrs. Bowden answered.
I turned to face the crowd, whose smiles had all disappeared. They weren’t here to see Grace, they were here to watch me see Grace. They all knew. They knew and had only gathered here to witness this moment like we were some circus show.
The door creaked behind me as Mia pushed it open.
“Three weeks,” I growled.
“It was what she wanted,” Parker whispered. “To be strong when she saw you for the first time.”
I looked each of them in the eye. One by one their gazes dropped.
I’d fantasized this moment so many times that I’d lost count. Picturing the joy, the wonder, the amazement of her waking, calling my name. But to have them all know, and keep it from me?
This was some fucked-up dream.
“Gray?” Her voice rang out behind me, punching me in the stomach and nearly dropping me to my knees. My breath left in a rush. Five years I’d been dreaming of that voice, clear as a bell, sweet as honey, everything that defined Grace.
I turned slowly, not ready for the dream to end.
Mia patted me on the shoulder, and I stepped into the room, shutting the door behind me. I cleared the four feet of hall and she came into view.
Grace sat up in her hospital bed, her blond hair falling in perfect waves around her. Her hands fidgeted, her nervous tell. Her mouth formed a shaky smile, and her eyes… Holy shit. Her eyes weren’t just open, but bright and focused…on me.