“I think so. I really do. The Greyhoof boys aren’t a bad bunch. They can get rowdy and crude, and they have the manners of an ox, but when you get down to it, they’re actually pretty nice. Come on, let’s go.”
“We could go back up to Durholm Hall and look for Rachel.” Sandy looked so serious that I began to sputter, then she laughed. “I’m kidding. We wouldn’t have time today, anyway. So, what do you want to do?”
I thought about it. “I really need to buy furniture. I’ve been saying that for weeks. Come with me while I pick out what I still need for the Bewitching Bedlam?”
We spent the afternoon shopping. Finally, Sandy took me to a boutique store that I hadn’t noticed before and there, I found the perfect furniture for the rest of the mansion. It was a mix of styles—part Mediterranean, part island-style, but by the time I finished, I had new sofas, several new chairs, the nightstands to complement the beds in the guest rooms, and a few other assorted pieces. I also was about fourteen thousand dollars poorer, but my bank account could handle it. Aegis had offered to help defray costs, but I didn’t wanted to be in debt to him. Now, as I flashed my credit card and watched the balance climb, I felt reassured I was doing the right thing.
We arrived back at my place at around four-fifteen. “I have to take off,” Sandy said. “I really need to get some stuff done around my place. Will you be all right?”
“I should be fine. Neither Essie nor Rachel can get in the house. Aegis will be awake soon and I’ve got Bubba here for company. I don’t have to go out anywhere for anything. You run on home and text me when you get there so I know you’re okay.”
I gave her a hug, then dashed inside as the afternoon clouds threatened to sock in again. Bubba was sitting on the table. He knew that I didn’t like him there, but he ignored me as I settled at the table and pulled the bowl of fruit over to nibble on a few grapes.
“You okay, Bub?”
“Mur.” He lazily meandered over to me, rubbing his head against my arm.
I reached up and scratched behind his ears. “Bubba, how long have we been together? Seventy-five years or so?”
“Purp.”
“I thought about that. So tell me, during that time have you ever seen me participate in a functional relationship? Have I ever made the right choice?” I rested my head on his side and his purr threatened to lull me to sleep.
“M-row?” He turned, pressing his nose against mine, looking concerned.
“I’m all right, Bub. I’m just thinking that I found a keeper in Aegis, and I don’t want to screw this up. You know how I am. If there’s a way to sabotage a relationship, I usually manage to find it and exploit it.” As I leaned back, contemplating the fruit bowl, I began to let my mind wander. “Damn Sandy, the woman makes me think. And sometimes, I just don’t want to.”
I pushed to my feet, shoving the chair back under the table. As I stomped upstairs to my room, I realized that I was going to have to have this out with myself. I threw myself across my bed, facedown, burying my face in the covers.
Bubba came running up, landing on the bed beside me. He nudged my arm and finally, I rolled to a sitting position and let him crawl into my lap.
“I know this is wrong. I really do. I know I’m being silly, but here’s the thing, Bubba. I’m afraid…” My throat felt phlegmy and I realized I was tearing up. “I’m afraid that if I love somebody new, it means I’m betraying Tom. It’s so much easier when you know somebody died. At least, died for good. At least then, you can’t think, ‘Maybe they’ll come back. Maybe he’ll return to me someday.’ There’s always been a piece of my heart that’s believed he’ll come back to me. That maybe he’s decided to make amends. That he’s not still out there, hunting down victims. If I give into my love, if I commit to Aegis, it means that I’ve lost my hope for Tom. That I’ve given up on him.”
As I burst into tears, burying my face in Bubba’s fur, there was a soft swish behind me.
“Oh, Maddy. I didn’t know you were struggling that way.” Aegis’s voice was gentle, soft against my ragged nerves.
I turned. “I’m sorry—I’m so sorry. I feel like I’m letting you down and that I’m letting Tom down. I don’t know what to do. I have to let go of the past to embrace my future, but I’m so afraid. I feel like I’m the worst person ever.”
I threw my arms around him as he lowered himself to my side, and he held me, murmuring softly as his lips brushed my ear. Aegis let me cry it out for a while before he grabbed a tissue and began to dry my tears.
“I know you miss him still. I know he was the love of your life, but wherever he is, do you think he’d want you like this? Crying and afraid to love again? Do you think he’d be cruel enough to expect you to pine away for him, forever?” Aegis placed two fingers beneath my chin and tipped my head up so I was looking at him.
“If I love you, will I forget about him?” For all my magic, for all my powers and long life, my heart was like anybody else’s heart—easily broken, and easily scarred.
“Maddy, do you really think you’ll ever forget him? He’s part of you. His love helped make you the person you are. You can no more forget about him than you can about your mother or Sandy or Bubba. Every person we meet who touches our heart stays with us. Do you think I’ll ever forget about Astra? I loved her so much, and I don’t know what happened to her, but even if I never see her again and never find out, I carry that love inside me. Not to blot out new love, but to remind me of the person I was around her.”
He placed his hand on my heart. “You carry Tom’s love inside your heart. And that’s okay. We move on. We love many people in a lifetime. But the ones who truly touch our hearts, we keep them with us forever.”
His fingers were cool against my chest, and I softly reached up to clasp his hand, to press it between my breasts. “I never expected to fall for a vampire.”
“I never expected to fall for a witch, so we’re even.” He leaned forward. “Maddy, when I say I love you, I’m not just spouting off the top of my head. I mean it. I don’t say those words easily, and the few times I’ve fallen in love, it’s been that head-over-heels-meant-to-be-with-each-other type of love. The kind we have.”
I shivered, wanting to be free to love him, wanting to quit carrying around the dying hope that Tom would return to me. My emotions churning, I closed my eyes and found myself standing in a gray mist, and there was my Tom, staring at me from across a chasm.
“TOM, TOM! I miss you.” I wanted to go to him, but the chasm was deep and filled with mist, and I couldn’t see a way across. “Tom, come back to me.”
He reached out, holding out his hands. “There’s only one way for us to be together again, my love. And that’s for you to come to me. For you to become like me.”
“Are you still alive? Are you trapped somewhere?” I hung my head, weeping, but then yanked my gaze back to slake over him hungrily. It had been so long since we had seen one another. So many years since I had felt his touch.
“Yes, I’m trapped, but you can be with me, if you make the choice. You can walk into the chasm and then, when it’s done, we’ll be together.” His voice ached against my ears, and I felt myself moving to the edge of the cliff, stopping only when my toes were against the edge. One step and I’d fall into the crevice. One step and I’d be with my Mad Tom.
“Come to me, love. Maddy, me girl, you take that step and we can be together again. Take one more step and we’ll never be apart.”
But something off-putting about his voice struck me. I opened my eyes. There he was, reaching for me, but there was something wrong. He looked misshapen, oddly bent and twisted. And behind him, I saw another shape rise—this, too, was Tom, but he raced over to shove his broken doppelganger to the side.
“Maddy, don’t. Go back. Don’t—it’s deadly. It’s a trap. There’s no way for us to be together. You go back. I love you, but I’m letting you go because I don’t want you here. Go away and never look for me again.” He was screaming now, waving for me to turn and run.