“I know that, sweetheart.” He touched her face. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”
That made the tears fall faster. “It’s … hard. I didn’t realize I’ve been in mourning for so long. When I saw Molly two months ago, saw you rock her, when you smiled down at that beautiful baby … my heart swelled because you will make an amazing dad. You glowed with her, Sean. I’d never seen you like that before. And I … I can’t give you that. We can’t have a half Lucy, half Sean. It … it hurts so much. M-m-more than I ever thought it would.”
He held her tightly, so tightly she almost couldn’t breathe. He didn’t say it would be okay, because they both knew it wouldn’t. She would survive, because that was what she did. But the pain of a loss—the grief for something she could never have—would haunt her. And because Sean loved her, it would haunt him, too. And she hated that. She didn’t want him to feel this same loss. But she held on tighter because he gave her the strength, and the will, to love.
“I love you, Lucy,” he whispered. “Forever.”
*
Sean had bought the engagement ring months ago, before they’d moved in together. He’d planned on proposing over Christmas, but so much had been going on, the time didn’t seem right. Then he thought of proposing over Lucy’s birthday, but Jack and his wife, Megan, had made a surprise trip to San Antonio.
But Sean should have done it long ago.
The pain on Lucy’s face when she looked at John Patrick had nearly broken Sean. He didn’t know how to make her feel better. He didn’t know how to make her feel whole again. Because to him, Lucy was exactly who she was supposed to be. He would have done anything to turn back time and stop the brutality of what had happened to her, but he didn’t understand why she thought he’d love her any less. Because whether or not she could conceive a child played no part in the enormity of his feelings. It was Lucy and him. It had to be Lucy and him, forever.
He would spend his entire life making sure she knew she was well loved.
Though originally they were supposed to stay with Connor, one of Lucy’s brothers, and his wife, Julia, Sean had told Connor they wouldn’t be coming. Instead, Sean called in a favor from a friend and took Lucy to a beach house up the coast in Mission Beach. She slept in the car and didn’t even notice that they missed the turnoff to Connor’s place.
It was late, and Sean managed to get Lucy inside without a lot of questions. It helped that she was exhausted.
“Is Connor already in bed? Should we say hello?” she asked.
“We’ll talk to him tomorrow,” Sean said, and ushered her into the master suite.
Lucy yawned. “I haven’t been here in so long I don’t even remember this. Wait—they must have moved. They weren’t this close to the beach before.”
Sean kissed her and helped her undress. He put her in bed and covered her up. “Sleep, princess.”
“I guess I’m tired.”
He kissed her.
“I love you, Sean.”
She was asleep before he could get the words out.
“I love you, too, Lucy,” he whispered and held her close to his chest. It was a long time before he, too, slept.
*
Lucy woke up to the sound of ocean waves. The bed was soft, with a thick down comforter. Sun streamed through high windows over the bed, but when she opened her eyes, she saw a wall of windows overlooking the ocean.
This was not her brother’s house.
She sat up and stared. The view was spectacular. It made her realize how much she missed living near the ocean. She liked San Antonio, but her heart belonged to the Pacific Ocean.
She looked around, but Sean wasn’t there. Their overnight bags were on the floor by the door. She got up, grabbed a thin bathrobe, and went to find Sean.
The smell of breakfast filled the air. Not only bacon and eggs and fresh coffee and orange juice, but more. She followed her nose to the kitchen, where Sean had a huge buffet of food lined up. He was wearing a chef’s apron.
“Is my whole family coming here? How long do I have to get ready?” She looked around. “Where are we?”
Sean smiled and kissed her as he put a plate of fresh fruit and a pitcher of orange juice on the buffet. “Just us.”
She stared at the feast, dumbfounded. “We can’t eat all this.”
“Who cares? I didn’t know what you’d want to eat, so I made a little of everything.”
“So my family isn’t coming?”
“Nope.”
“Why aren’t we at Connor’s?”
“I wanted you all to myself. At least for today.”
“Where are we?”
“My friend Hank—you haven’t met him, but we were roommates before I was expelled from Stanford. He owns this house. He lives in Seattle, owns a major computer gaming company, comes here only a couple times a year. I traded for this weekend.”
“Traded what?” she asked warily.