I’d seen it more than once. Victims of trauma, especially rape, who were faced with another traumatic experience often regressed dramatically due to flashbacks. Valentina wasn’t just battling the situation we’d pulled her out of. She was battling herself. And in her case, it was the strongest enemy she had.
Dried blood marred her arms, legs, and face. I wanted to clean her up, but that could wait until she was in the ER. Her safety—not her appearance—was all that mattered.
Her sobs had subsided, but I didn’t take that as a good sign. Tears still streamed down her cheeks.
“Honey, you just hold on. We’re gonna get you all fixed up again, and the last few hours will be like they never happened.”
She didn’t respond for several minutes, and when she did, her voice was quiet and shaky. “You can’t change the fact that I love him, and all he’s ever done is lie to me.” Her breaths came out ragged and harsh.
Fuck. How did I deal with this?
She kept going, and her words lit a fire of guilt inside me. “I guess I should’ve picked you. At least you never lied to me.”
Maybe not outright, but I’d known exactly what she’d been facing with Rix. How did I tell her that? I couldn’t push her further over the edge. Not right now.
“Things aren’t always what they seem, but that doesn’t make them bad.”
When she laughed, it was edged with hysteria. “I thought he was bad. I was okay with bad.” Valentina shook her head. “What the hell was I thinking? I can’t even trust myself.”
And that was why she was breaking. She’d lost the confidence in herself she’d clawed back.
“You’re going to be just fine. Keep trusting your gut and you’ll be okay. You trusted yourself with him before. Do you really think you would’ve fallen for a criminal, Valentina? You’re not that woman. Whether you realize it or not, your judgment is better than ever.”
Her gaze cut to me, sharpening, and some of the brokenness faded away.
“You knew.” Betrayal laced her tone. “You knew I was seeing him, didn’t you?”
Fuck.
We were only minutes away from the hospital, and I’d hoped it would take her longer to put the pieces together in her state, but Valentina had never been stupid.
“You’re a cop. He’s an undercover cop. You had to know.” When her voice shook this time, it was with anger. The truth must have been written on my face, because she spoke again, the words coming out even harsher. “Let me out of this car. I can’t—”
Fuck it. I kept driving, but I didn’t hold back.
“Yeah, I knew. And you can be really fucking certain that if I hadn’t known he was on the right side of the line, I would’ve locked you down and kept you away from him. I get that you’re feeling raw and betrayed, but over what? The fact that the guy you fell for isn’t going to end up in prison someday because he’s a gangbanger? You should be happy as hell right now to find out that he’s on the right side of the line.”
Her head jerked back with surprise that I’d dropped the kid gloves I’d worn with her so many times before. But this was what she needed. A dose of reality to drag her back together and get her head straight.
“But—”
“No fucking buts. Maybe you didn’t see it, but when you turned from him, he was gutted. The man is head over ass in love with you, and he’s been doing his job this whole time. And guess what? Part of his job was not being able to tell you what his job was. And you know what else he made part of his job? Keeping you safe from everything that came along with it.”
“But—”
“Dammit, Valentina. He’s exactly the same guy you’ve always thought he was. He just happens to be on the right side of the law. Doesn’t change anything about him. Since day one at the academy, he’s never played by the rules. He’s always been on the edge. You think he’s dangerous? That’s because he is. But he’s dangerous in a way that helps people—including you.”
The sign for the ER came into view, and I glanced at her as I turned the corner, wondering if my words were sinking in. The frown on Valentina’s face told me they were.
Silence filled the car, and neither of us spoke as I parked and helped her out and up to the door of the emergency room. She had plenty to think about now, and I hope it helped. Maybe I could fix this for Rix, because there was no way in fuck anyone could fix my own life.
My brother would be vindicated. And the world would know my father was a dirty cop. My life as I knew it might be fucked, but maybe the one good deed I could do was help Valentina find her way back to Rix.
MY BRAIN WAS SLIPPING CLOSE to shutdown territory again. That stage where all you wanted was an empty room, a bottle of wine, and to be left alone to come to grips with whatever was consuming you.
Instead, I was in the ER, and my mother burst through the door.