‘Of course I do, more than anything. But, ultimately, it’s your decision.’
‘Then let’s get married. It’s what Millie would want,’ I lied, because I knew Millie wouldn’t understand why we had gone ahead and got married without her. The feeling that I was betraying her made fresh tears well in my eyes and I blinked them away quickly so that Jack wouldn’t see, hoping I’d never have to choose between him and Millie again.
Everyone was delighted that we were getting married after all and when Mum phoned a couple of hours later to tell us that Millie was fine apart from a broken leg, I felt weak with relief. I wanted to cut the reception short and go to see her that evening, but Mum said that she was sleeping soundly and, with the painkillers the doctor had given her, she wasn’t expected to wake until the following morning anyway. She added that she intended to stay at the hospital overnight, so I told her that Jack and I would stop off to see Millie the next morning, on the way to the airport.
Although I managed to enjoy myself for the rest of the evening, I was glad when the last of our guests had left and Jack and I were finally on our way to our hotel. Because Jack’s car was still in London, Moira and Giles had lent us one of theirs so that we could get to the airport the next day and back to Spring Eaton when we returned from Thailand. With a garage full of cars, they insisted that they didn’t need it and said we could drop it back whenever we had time.
When we arrived at the hotel where we were to spend our wedding night, I went straight to the bathroom and ran myself a hot bath, leaving Jack to pour himself a whisky while he waited for me. As I lay in the bath, my mind turned again and again to Millie, and I couldn’t help being glad that the day was finally over. With the water beginning to get cold, I got out and dried myself hurriedly, eager to see Jack’s face when he saw me in the cream silk camisole and knickers I’d bought specially for our wedding night. I slipped them on and, with a shiver of anticipation, opened the door and walked into the bedroom.
PRESENT
On the way home in the car from seeing Millie, I mention to Jack that I’m going to have to phone Diane sometime before Friday to tell her that I can’t make lunch with her and Esther.
‘On the contrary, I think you should go,’ he says. Because he’s said the same thing many times before I know it doesn’t mean anything. ‘After all, you’ve already cancelled twice.’ Even those words aren’t enough to get my hopes up. But on Friday morning, when he tells me to put on my prettiest dress, I can’t help wondering if the moment I’ve been waiting for has finally come. My mind races so far ahead that I have to remind myself firmly of all the other times I’ve ended up disappointed. Even when I get into the car beside Jack, I still don’t let myself believe that it might happen. But when we drive all the way into town I can’t help but believe it, and I begin to plot feverishly, terrified that I’ll let the moment slip through my fingers. It’s only when Jack parks the car in the road outside the restaurant and gets out that I realise how deluded I’ve been.
Diane and Esther are already seated. Diane waves and I make my way over, a smile hiding my bitter disappointment, conscious of Jack’s hand on my back.
‘I’m so glad you could make it,’ she says, giving me a quick hug. ‘Jack, how nice of you to come and say hello. Is it your lunch hour?’
‘I worked from home this morning,’ he says. ‘And, as I don’t have to be in the office until later this afternoon, I was hoping you’d let me gatecrash your lunch—in exchange for me treating you, of course.’
‘In that case, you can join us with pleasure,’ she laughs. ‘I’m sure it won’t be any trouble to add an extra place, especially as it’s a table for four.’
‘Except that we won’t be able to talk about you now,’ Esther jokes. As Jack purloins a chair from another table, it occurs to me that had she wanted to say anything more damaging, she wouldn’t have been able to. Not that it really matters any more.
‘I’m sure you’ve got far more interesting things to talk about than me,’ Jack smiles, placing me opposite Esther and signalling to the waitress to bring another place setting.
‘And Grace would only have nice things to say about you anyway, so it wouldn’t be much fun,’ Diane sighs.
‘Oh, I’m sure she’d be able to find a few little imperfections.’ Esther looks at me challengingly. ‘Wouldn’t you, Grace?’
‘I doubt it,’ I say. ‘As you can see, Jack is pretty perfect.’
‘Oh come on, he can’t be that perfect! There must be something!’