Before I Ever Met You

Alyssa places a hand on my arm and leans in conspiratorially. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed he hangs to the right.”


I don’t have to ask her to clarify what and who we’re talking about. My cheeks flame and I look away. Because, yes, I have noticed. I noticed it at the end of the first day, and I’ve noticed it every time I’ve seen him since. Will doesn’t even wear tight pants, it’s just—that dick print of his is always there. It doesn’t help that he’s apparently hung like a horse, so if your eyes ever travel south of his belt, it’s all you can focus on. It’s like staring at the sun though. If you stare too long, you will get burned.

I glance at her. “Is it wrong that I want to order him some briefs just so I can get some work done?”

The two of them erupt into laughter, giggling like schoolgirls.

“In time you’ll welcome the distraction,” Alyssa says, wiping a tear away. “Especially on the really boring days. Though it’s extra frustrating when you’re single.”

“I’m not even single I still find it frustrating,” Tiffany says with a dreamy look in her eyes. “I love my boyfriend, but damn. That man is packing a lot of heat. If you know what I mean.”

“Yeah we know what you mean,” I tell her. Then I shake my head, trying to get back on track. “It doesn’t matter. He’s my boss. I can’t talk about him this way, and I definitely can’t think about him this way.”

“Why not?” Alyssa says with a shrug. “I’m sure he says the same about us.”

“He thinks we have penises?” Tiffany asks, taking a sip out of a Stranger Things mug.

Alyssa and I give her a dry look in unison. “No,” I tell her and then look to Alyssa. “And I highly doubt that. Will is nothing if not professional.”

And charming. And easy to talk to. And ridiculously handsome.

“You’re right,” she says after a beat. She sighs. “He’s too . . . I don’t know. Old school for that.”

“He’s totally old school,” Tiffany interjects. “Like those classic movie stars. Or George Clooney.”

“Back when men knew how to dress, how to act, and how to treat a lady,” Alyssa adds.

“Bet he’s wild in the bedroom though,” Tiffany says with a faraway look in her eyes. I can practically see her glasses getting steamy. “He cleans up good. He probably gets dirty just as well.”

“Oh god yes. I bet that dick never goes to waste.”

“You guys,” I say quickly, raising my palm. “Please. You’re not his EA. I am. And I have to have dinner with him and my parents tonight, so all talk about his dick needs to stop ASAP.”

“You girls seem up to no good,” Will says from the doorway.

All three of us yelp and jump, turning to see him staring at us with a bemused look on his face.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Please don’t let him have heard what I just said. Please Lord All Mighty!

“We’re always up to no good,” Tiffany says dryly without missing a beat. “It wouldn’t be a very fun office otherwise.”

Will grabs his umbrella from the stand and points it at me. “Keep in mind that Just Jackie is mine. I will not have her corrupted.”

I know he’s just being glib, but holy hell. Just Jackie is mine? That does something to me, something entirely inappropriate. Especially after what we were just discussing. An image of him shedding his suit, getting wild, rough, and dirty enters my mind for long enough to make me blush even more.

And now he’s smiling at me, white teeth against tanned skin, that sexy jaw and stubble, and I can’t think of a single good thing to say in response.

Luckily Alyssa keeps talking. “No promises,” She says in a teasing voice, making gaga eyes at him.

“Right,” he says. He heads toward the door. “I’ll see you ladies on Monday.” Then he glances over his shoulder at me. “And I’ll see you in a few hours, kid.”

Then he’s gone, off strolling down the street.

I can’t even be annoyed at the kid thing. I look at the girls with wide eyes.

“Please tell me he didn’t hear any of that. Any of it.”

Alyssa shrugs. “Well, even if he did you weren’t the one saying anything. And I’m pretty sure he knows by now how Tiffany and I feel.”

“It’s his fault for not wearing underwear,” Tiffany says, starting to shut things down at her computer.

“This is so wrong,” I tell them, heading toward the door. “Any other office and the two of you would be slapped with sexual harassment suits.”

“If he’s doing the slapping with his penis, I honestly don’t care,” Tiffany says.

“Okay, that’s it. I’m going to leave on that note. See you on Monday,” I tell them, needing to get out of there before it gets worse. Will was right, they will corrupt me and I’m easily corruptible.

The truth is, I’ve been fighting all week not to think about Will that way. In any way, really, other than my boss. It’s even been hard to forget that he’s the man who came to visit during the holidays with his wife. Every time I think about the dinner tonight, my mind is brought back to those times.

It’s kind of amazing how the span of one week has shifted things. How a person can exist in your past and your future as two separate people. I feel like there’s the Will I knew when I was younger, my father’s friend, someone I never much thought about. The Will that I know now, older, dashing, somehow even more handsome, is someone else entirely.

I try and push that all aside and out of my brain as I walk up to Granville St. to catch my bus. Vancouver isn’t a huge city, maybe a million or so people in the greater area, but compared to where I was before, a town of less than 20,000, it feels like New York to me. There’s this hustle and flow here, all these people, so many of them my age, trying to make it. Rent is astronomically high, the job market is competitive, and yet every single day people are stubbornly trying to live their dream. The ambition is contagious.

There already seems to be a change within me, at least on a superficial level. I’m feeling reenergized. April is approaching, spring is in the air and in my step, and I’m starting to feel like anything is possible. There’s hope where there wasn’t hope before.

It’s a nice feeling, even if it’s a foreign one. Sometimes hope is like wearing someone else’s coat. You know it can shield and protect you, just as it did them, but it still doesn’t feel right. You’re just not used to it.

Being up north whittled my life down to just one thing: Tyson. I did everything I could to ensure there was enough food on the table, that the rent was paid, that he was happy. Did everything I could to protect him from the horrors that surrounded us.

I did everything I could until I couldn’t anymore.

And when that day happened, we got out of there.

It still feels like yesterday, because it practically was yesterday.