I’ve never heard her sound so strong. I hold the light in for her. I want her to be happy. But then she puts her hands over my nose and my mouth. Our mother does nothing. I can’t breathe, and I think, Yes. Let me die. Callie can finally have our mother back. My bones burn, but the light is stronger than me. It will not let me die. And then I finally understand what I am, and it’s a relief. I give all the light to my sister. I let it pour from my skin to hers.
I watch as she turns pale. Finally, she looks like me. I watch as she turns to ash. My mother is still screaming when I leave the house.
I am on the highway now, and everything turns to ruin. I don’t know how to stop. I no longer want to.
We are born into our natures. It’s not a thing we can help. I know that now but didn’t always.
I am the curse of men.
I am War.
And this world is mine.
STEPH SINCLAIR AND KAT KENNEDY’S VILLAIN CHALLENGE TO NICOLA YOON:
Gender-Flipped God of War
THE BAD GIRLS’ GUIDE TO VILLAINY
BY STEPH SINCLAIR AND KAT KENNEDY
In this male-dominated world, everything is harder as a woman—especially when you’re trying to crush the world under your fine pair of sky-high stilettos, combat boots, 1 or whatever type of footwear you find best for disenfranchising humanity. Struggling to claim dominion over the huddled masses is one thing, but struggling with body image, self-image, interpersonal relationships, and even where you fit in with the world is another. So whether you’re the God of War like Sera, who thrives on chaos, or a morally ambiguous deviant like us, our feel-good guide for villainesses2 is here to help.
Dive in and be ready to answer the question “Who’s the baddest bitch of them all?”
1. Sera found them particularly useful in stomping out opposition. Stomp, stomp, stomp.
2. All references to villainesses are fictional and represent no likenesses to people, animals, aliens, supreme beings, ghosts, zombies, the reincarnated, overlords, underlords, etc., dead or alive.
?The body that’s going to conquer hearts and minds
What do you wear when you’re on your way to inflict panic and fear in the hearts of civilians? A red satin bustier? Standard-issue military fatigues? Guess what? It’s not important! Even if your heart of hearts leads you to wear rhinestone jeans or a fluffy pink unicorn onesie, that’s okay. You be you. You can leave your enemies lying in a pool of their own blood no matter what you’re wearing. Unless you’re planning on wearing a cape. NO CAPES!
Oppress others, not yourself or your body. There is no perfect body or body type. You know what you should spend your time perfecting? Your war strategy.
Your body is a wonderland of terror and fear-inducing proportions. Forget the strictures of the male gaze. Dress to impress or cause extreme distress. If other people’s bodies are temples, yours is a war machine with built-in booby traps, baby.
?You know what’s humble? Pie! YOU ARE NOT A PIE!
Internalizing other people’s expectations leads us to feel like we should be humble, ladylike, and civil. Be the villain you want to be and repent to no one. Not your family, not the neighborhood watch, not the military trying to shut you down.
Can you be too bossy? No, of course you can’t, because you’re The Boss! You’re a leader, who demands the attention and respect of all who lay prone at your feet.
Are you asking too much? Are you giving enough to other people? What kind of guide do you think you’re reading? You’re a villain! Taking and expecting everything is Villainy 101. Live it, breathe it, bask in the bloodlust haze of glory.
Should you be sweet and innocent? Ha. If people are underestimating your feminine power, that’s their mistake and your opportunity to strike. Don’t let it get to you. Their reaction may be initial mockery, because how dare a woman strike fear into the hearts and minds of men who laud themselves as gods? But the end result will always be the same: them begging for mercy and you giving exactly zero fucks. Yes, revenge is indeed sweet . . . and deadly.
?Nobody puts Villainess in a corner.
Everyone internalizes the expectations that their family places upon them. “Be good like your sister, do your homework, walk the dog. Smile and be nice!” What is this smile? You only smile when your plans come to fruition. Listen, what we’re respectfully advising is that you take those expectations and you shove them down the throats of every single muppet who tried to make you be less of what you are.
Parents, family, and friends tell you that you can be whatever you want to be. But what they really mean is whatever you want as long as it fits in their neat, little box. And for a woman exercising her command, that box is restrictive as hell. Destroy that box and the horse it rode in on. Light it on fire for good measure. Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
Forget what the world and society and your family want you to be. You know why? Because you are going to shape and remold that as you exist in your perfect form upon the ruinous remains of the earth.
?I came in like a wrecking ball.
Relationships are totally unnecessary—the only relationships you need are with your minions and your weapons of mass destruction. 3
3. But if, like Sera, you are forced to deal with family and friends, her solution to set them on fire may be the best one. Unless they’re more useful as cannon fodder.
You don’t have room in your heart, because you don’t actually have a heart. What you have is a gaping black chasm in your chest and an insatiable thirst for domination. Tears and nightmares fuel your hate fire.
You may be asking yourself, “Where do I fit in if I have no friends or family?” On top of the world, laughing maniacally. Look, people have spent hundreds of years asking why women are out of the kitchen. Unless you’re making a sandwich bomb, don’t even dignify this with an answer. Not only are you capable of taking the world in your bloody fists, you deserve to, and everything that comes with it.
You’ve earned this. Own it, be it, believe it. Then crush it in a fiery death along with everything else.
So whether your plan is to drill to the center of the earth and unleash hell, or blow up the moon, or just simply walk into the middle of a city and unleash your God of War powers, remember: villains are a dime a dozen. It takes true determination to outshine and outgun the rest. You can either choose to let the world dominate you, or you can dominate the world. And if it were up to us, when we’re looking into the soul-dead, murderous eyes of our foe—we want a powerful, badass woman looking right back at us.
Briefly. Before she slits our throats.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS