It was just…habit.
In her experience, once men got what they wanted—aka sex—they were done with you. She’d given him that, so it was only a matter of time till he left, or did something drastically horrible to ruin everything.
It’s what men did.
Especially the ones she dated.
“I’m sorry,” she said. It wasn’t enough, but it was true. “I didn’t mean to do that. To hurt you.”
He didn’t reply, just rolled his hands into tight fists. She knew she’d messed up everything with her knee jerk reaction to the way he made her feel, so she swallowed hard and stared at the fan again. It was safer than looking at him. It didn’t offer much distraction, but she did notice she needed to dust it. And—
He let out an irritated sound. “Look at me.”
She fisted the comforter underneath of her and slowly turned to him, as he’d requested. He wasn’t naked anymore, while she was, and it felt weird.
Sitting up, she hugged her knees, trying to shield herself in more ways than one. “What do you want from me, Benjamin?”
“You. Just you.” He must’ve read something in her expression, because he picked up her robe and tossed it at her. She caught it easily. “You say one thing, and then do another, and I have no damn clue what you want from me. You’ve been hurt before, and you’re scared to risk letting another man in. But you’ve got to try, or we don’t stand a chance in hell of making it outside this room. Can you do that? Can you let me in?”
Her throat throbbed, and she could feel tears looming. Not because she was upset or in pain, but because he got her. Like, really got her, and that was both frightening and enlightening all at once. She shrugged into her robe and hugged it closed. “You’re right. I am scared. But that’s because I see how—”
“How this ends,” he finished.
She swallowed hard. “Yeah.”
“Bullshit.” He dragged his hand through his hair and sat beside her. Reaching out, he caught both her hands in his. “You can’t know how something is going to end before it even begins. It’s not humanly possible.”
“I think it began a while ago, so it’s not too hard to understand what comes next.”
“So what happens now?” He squeezed her fingers. “Go on. Tell me.”
She lifted a shoulder. “You got what you wanted, so you leave.”
He let her go. “Excuse me?”
“Sex.” She bit her tongue. “You got it, and now you’ll move on.”
“Is that really what you think of me?” he asked quietly. He sounded…hurt. She turned to him. His blue eyes were dark and haunted. “Do you think I fucked you, and now I’m finished with you? Just like that?”
“Not to hurt me, or anything. It’s not anything personal. It’s just…” She bit her lip. “It’s how guys are. I get it.”
“Jesus, Maggie.” His jaw tightened and he shook his head, picking up his shirt angrily. The muscles in his arm were hard and the veins stuck out. “I had no idea you had such a poor opinion of me.”
“It’s not you,” she said quickly. Tightening her fingers on her knees, she tried to think how best to get him to understand what she meant. “It’s me.”
He laughed. “Wow. I’ve never had that used on me before.”
“N-No. I’m not breaking it off with you. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“What the fuck do you want, Maggie?” He held his arms out. “You want me to stay, or to go? Care, or not care? Tell me what you want, and it’s yours.”
She wrung her hands. It was all or nothing. She had to open up, and let him in, and hope he didn’t make her regret it. “I want you to stay, to care, but that scares me. It scares me a lot.”
“Why?” He white-knuckled his shirt. “Because I’m such an uncaring beast?”
“You’re right. Because every time I’ve let someone into my heart, all it’s done is given him a weapon to use against me. And nine times out of ten? He used that weapon.”
“Who used the weapon on you, Maggie?”
“Who didn’t?” She lifted a shoulder. It wasn’t easy to talk about this, but he deserved the truth. “I told you about one of my exes, but what you don’t realize is they’ve all hurt me. They’ve all done horrible things. The one before the last one not only broke my heart, he tore it to shreds. Slept with my best friend back home, right in front of me, but I was too stupid to notice. And when I finally did see it? He didn’t even stop. Just invited me to join. She laughed at me. So did he. The guy before him literally stole from me. My wallet. My TV. All of it.”