How stupid of me. Why did I always end up loving the person who hurt me the most? Why was love so cruel?
I wanted to banish and forget the moments we spent together, I needed to erase him from my mind and heart. But the harder I tried, the more I thought about him. His image had been engraved into my mind, invading every fiber of my being like poison. I couldn’t tell Sylvie how much his actions had hurt me, so I kept my head high in the hope she wouldn’t guess how broken I felt inside. I smiled at my best friend, telling her that I’d find a way to hurt him; that the world didn’t end with him...but the truth was, I wasn’t okay.
I couldn’t see him without feeling the magnitude of his betrayal.
I couldn’t speak to him without thinking of the way he kissed me. And how little it meant now.
Our past together was nothing more than a bottle tossed out into the ocean, its message never reaching the owner.
Although Sylvie had put things into perspective, I had recognized the kind of man he was the moment I met him. I should have trusted my instincts rather than listen to his sweet words. It had all been too good to be true. I should have known the moment he lavished me with attention, the way he cooked for me, and swept me off my feet. I should have known deep in my heart it wasn’t real.
He was nothing but a lie.
A terrible, hurtful lie.
But the heart is foolish, and I had been a fool to let it lead the way. It had made me blind, leaving me with no option to get out before I got too involved. Surrendering to love was a mistake, just like letting Jenna visit Danny, even though I knew it wasn’t right.
“Brooke? Are you okay?” Sylvie’s hushed voice carried through the quiet room a moment before she peered through the door, hesitating. “Can I come in?”
I barely managed a choked “Yeah”.
“Oh, sweetie,” Sylvie said, grabbing me in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry.”
I melted into her motherly embrace, my face turned away from her, hiding the tears I had thought depleted.
***
Nearly twelve hours later, I stepped into the elevator riding up to the Mayfield Properties head office, knowing it’d be a brief visit. I had risen at four a.m., unable to sleep, and spring-cleaned the apartment to keep my mind from venturing onto dangerous terrain. By six I had finished and drove through the pre-rush hour traffic to reach the office as early as possible. My back pressed against the smooth metal wall, I forced conditioned air into my lungs to calm my racing heart. Less than three weeks into the job, and I was already searching the classified ads for another position. But this time it wasn’t the prospect of unemployment that sent hot and cold shivers down my spine.
I tilted my chin up to inspect myself in the narrow mirror strip on the left side of the elevator. My navy skirt and the white ruffle top that emphasized my narrow waist looked presentable enough, and certainly didn’t reflect the way I felt inside. Soft ringlets of dark hair cascaded down my shoulders. My lips were painted a sheer red tint, and my cheeks were dusted with just a hint of bronzing powder to highlight my new tan, courtesy of the lovely Italian weather. Come to think of it, I had paid way more attention to my outfit and hair than I should have. I didn’t want to be pretty for him. I wanted him to look at me and acknowledge what he couldn’t have anymore, what he was losing out on. That was how I want him to remember me...composed and poised, as though his actions never hurt me.
Deep down I knew I had to get him out of my system as fast as I could, but the thing with love is, you cannot choose who you fall for. Falling in love often happens at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong person. Just as much as you cannot stop growing feelings for a certain man, there’s no switch to turn off your heart. And even though my mind knew better, it was powerless against the weak, sappy fool I called my heart. To me, love was a drug. Jett was my drug. It kept me addicted to him, making my thoughts circle back to him and him alone. The best way to escape was to get away, which was the plan, right after breaking up with Jett.