Beast: Learning to Breathe (Devil's Blaze MC #5)

“I was just getting in from the hospital. My church is just up the road from here. I was going to check in. I saw Hayden’s car and wanted to stop and check on her. I know her and Charlie are close. I didn’t realize that she didn’t know,” he finishes and I frown. Fuck, I’m seeing ghosts where there are none.

“I need to go see her, Michael. I want to see her,” Hayden pleads. I flex my hand in her hair, before placing a kiss on her forehead.

“Okay, Beauty. I’ll take you to see her. First you’re going home—”

“I don’t want to wait, Michael. Something could happen. I need to be with her…”

“You need to go home and get dressed,” I tell her, gently but stern enough that she knows that this is the way it’s going down, regardless of her arguments.

She looks down at herself, and I see the bright pink blush that steals over her. It’s clear that until this moment she didn’t remember she was half-naked.

“Okay,” she whispers, looking shyly over her shoulder. “Sorry, Pastor Sturgill, I uh…didn’t realize.”

“You’re upset. I can take you to get changed and on to the hospital if you’d like?” he offers and fucking hell, maybe I’ve misread him. He’s crazy if he thinks he’s getting her away from me.

“I’ve got her,” I growl, before Hayden can respond. “You lock up,” I mumble, intent on getting Hayden away from him. I take her to my truck and help her inside. I’m buckling her in before she says anything.

“What about my car?”

“We’ll get it later,” I tell her, but I wouldn’t mind leaving it here permanently. I don’t like the idea of her and Maggie traveling in that piece of shit. I may have to see about finding her something else to drive. Something more dependable and with a good safety rating…





70





Hayden





“She’s not going to make it, is she, Michael?” I whisper the words, full of sorrow. I feel shame even saying the words aloud. I need him to tell me I’m wrong, but one look at his face and I know that’s not what I’m going to hear. To his credit, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he wraps me in his arms and holds me. For a minute, I rest against him, letting my head fall against his chest and take the strength he gives me. Before Michael came into my life, I had a mantra that I would be stronger…with Michael I’m doing that less and less. I know it’s because when he’s with me, I feel safer. I don’t know if that’s healthy. I suspect it’s not, but I’m not sure I care. I feel his fingers comb gently through my hair, and I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation for a minute before I pull away.

“We need to talk, Beauty,” he says, his grumbly voice vibrating inside of me. How I can be at one of the lowest points in my life and he still manages to make me react to him the way he does is a mystery. Still, the things he wants to talk about don’t seem as significant anymore. Not right now. Not with my friend in the next room, hooked up to machines that are breathing for her, because she can’t do it herself.

“I need a break right now, Michael,” I tell him, resenting it a little that I have to say it. Resenting that he’s pushing anything right now, other than Charlie and what she’s going through and how that makes me feel.

“Hayden—”

“I’m just going to the restroom, Michael,” I tell him, pulling away. I hear his sigh behind me, but he lets me go. Probably because his cellphone rings.

“Just the restroom. I’ll be right here,” he warns me, which pisses me off. I look over my shoulder and his eyes are trained on me as I push through the door. I lock it behind me and think about just hiding in here. It wouldn’t work. Michael would just break in. I splash water on my face and try to get control of my emotions. Charlie looked so…vacant. That’s what she looked like. Her body was almost lifeless. I couldn’t sense her there. There was no emotion on her face, none of her warmth radiating. Her color was gone. Her skin felt cold…it feels like I’ve already lost her. The thought brings the tears back, and I do my best to brush them away and try to stop, before I give into the need to cry. I know once I let the tears freely flow, I may cry for days. I need air. Air that doesn’t include Michael hounding me about my past and how stupid I was. Air that doesn’t feel stale and wrong, reminding me that probably the only friend I have in the world is slipping away from me.

I open the door just a crack. I expect Michael to be standing there. I’m a little shocked he’s not. I look across the open room of the I.C.U. lobby and he’s standing by the window, his back to me, still talking on his phone. I slide out of the door, carefully closing it behind me. My eyes still staying on Michael’s back. Then before he can turn, and I chicken out, I move down the hall toward the elevators. I just want to go outside. There’s a sitting area out there, off from the cafeteria. Maybe if I can sit out there and breathe for a little bit, I’ll feel better. My heart hurts. I’m not ready to say goodbye to Charlie. I don’t know how to let her go. She didn’t have brain activity though. The nurse told me that. They’re waiting on Charlie’s emergency contact to come in and then decisions will be made. Decisions I’m not ready to hear, and decisions I have no control over.

Once outside, I zero in on the round, stone picnic table and benches. There are a few of them placed along a patio area that’s been made with white gravel and red stone pavers. They’re nestled on each side by flowering pear trees and in between a couple of the trees there’s a small pond which has a fountain connected to it. I sit facing it, watching the sun reflect off the water and the change people have been throwing into it…making wishes I suppose. I fish into my pocket and find a penny. I hold it firmly, close my eyes, and wish for a miracle that would bring my friend back to me. I toss it in, watching it slowly sink into the water. It does nothing to make me feel better. In fact, all it does is let the tears come again.

“You always did cry so easily.”

Cold chills rise up my back at the voice. It’s the last voice I expected to hear, the last one I wanted to hear. I finish wiping the tears away, my body tight. Then I manage to look straight into the eyes of the devil…Blade.

“You always had a knack for making me cry,” I tell him, proud of myself for not letting too much of my fear bleed through into my voice. I am scared, but I need to be smart. I can’t let the panic take control. Michael is here. He’s not that far away, and the minute he discovers I’m gone, he’ll come find me. I just need to hold tight. In my pocket is the small canister of pepper spray that I keep with me. It doesn’t make me feel as secure as my gun, and definitely not as secure as Michael, but at least I’m not completely helpless.

“You’ve caused me a lot of problems, Hay. I don’t like problems. You know that.”