Beast: Learning to Breathe (Devil's Blaze MC #5)

"I told you, I'm trouble. I don't want you to get hurt because of me."

"You want to protect me?" he asks softly, and when his voice drops down this quiet, it calls to every feminine thing inside of me, sending a million butterfly wings fluttering in my stomach.

"Michael," I sigh, not sure how to continue, or even why.

"Answer me, Beauty," he says in that same tone, but the added nickname makes my heart stutter with happiness while the rest of me drowns in sadness. I can't have Michael. Yesterday made it abundantly clear that my past will prevent me from having anything or anyone. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I've even begun making a contingency plan that chills me to the bone. It will destroy me, but it will be what is best for Maggie and that's all that matters.

"I need to protect you and Maggie…or at least try," I tell him honestly, hating the distress I hear in my voice.

"Sweet Hayden, you are a mystery," he says, confusing me further. I have no idea what he means and I'm too confused to try and sort it out. He takes one of his hands and moves it up my stomach. That should bother me. It doesn't, and instead, I look down and watch as he stretches his hand out so the palm is flat as he caresses my stomach.

For some reason, I can feel moisture gather in my eyes. The sight of this scarred hand with ink covering it completely, gently moving against my stomach so tenderly, triggers every emotion I have inside me. I'd like to say it was sexual, that would be easier to dismiss, but it's not true. Right now, as I watch the way his hand is gently moving, and feel Maggie moving inside of me against it…It feels almost like he's loving on her. Like he's showing her that somewhere out in this cold world there's another person besides her mother that cares for her, that could love her.

Oh God! Just the thought of that makes me feel raw inside. I don't know how to deal with it. I look back to his face, needing to break the spell, needing to not read too much into his touch, and most of all, needing to get back into reality. The only problem is that when I look in his eyes, that doesn't happen. Because, before he even speaks, I see it. I see it as clearly as if he spoke it aloud.

When he opens his mouth, I push my fingers against those tempting lips to stop the words. I need to stop them, because this man may just be the one person in the world who can completely destroy me. Others have tried it, and though they've made me damaged, they haven't been able to break me. Michael could do it easily, and that knowledge is chilling. I press my fingers harder against his lips, his beard tickling against the skin goes unnoticed.

"It's not your job to protect me, sweet Hayden. It's mine to protect you and Maggie, and I will. I'll always protect you," he vows.

It is a vow. A vow that kills me, because I can't let him take on that responsibility. A vow that destroys me, because I wish I could turn back time and fix my past so that Michael could be my future. I wish I could go back and give Maggie this man as a father. This is the kind of man she should know exists in the world. I can't do any of that. I've made so many mistakes, and I thought I had paid enough for them, but it's clear that I haven't, because right now, I'm caught in Hell on earth. I am a woman who has everything she has always wanted standing in front of her, and I can't keep it. With that thought, I can feel the salty wetness hit my lips as the tears run from my eyes.





58





Beast





I look at Hayden and the sadness I see on her face hurts me. I move my fingers over her cheeks, trying to wipe the tears and stop them from falling.

"Don't cry, Beauty," I softly tell her, bending down to kiss the tears away.

"Michael, you need to leave me alone," she responds.

"Do you like my touch, Hayden? Do you like my kisses?" I question, needing to hear her admit it. I've not let my guard down around a woman since the explosion. Hayden makes me want to, and I'm tired of fighting her pull. What's the harm in enjoying her? Maybe she can stop some of this loneliness inside of me that seems to torment me with every breath. Some days I fear it might completely take me over. I wanted it to until Hayden tempted me. Until she gave me purpose.

"Too much, but I shouldn't," she answers, her eyes still closed.

"I like that you want my touch," I assure her. I don't add that she doesn't seem to let the scars bother her either. Of course, she hasn’t really seen them; not fully. She's seen glimpses of the ones on my neck and arms. I couldn't keep the ones on my face and hands from her, but they don't seem to disturb her.

"You need to leave," she says, weakly pushing me away. She doesn't want me to go. Everything about her in this moment tells me she wants more of what I'm giving her. Is it fear? Is she afraid of what will happen if she lets herself go with me?

“Turn around and look in the mirror,” I order her, already moving her body so she does that exact thing. I move my hand over the condensation on the mirror, revealing us together. It’s a full-length mirror, but I only clear off the top half. Wanting her to see her face and mine together. We look wrong.

Her light to my dark.

My ink to her soft flesh.

My scars to her almost virginal appearance.

She might be pregnant, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize she’s not the normal type of girl I’ve dealt with. Everything about her, other than Blade having touched her, screams differently.

“I shouldn’t touch you. You should be scared of me,” I say the words aloud, though they’re more just my thoughts at the moment. I drop a kiss on her shoulder, the part where it meets the bend of her neck. It calls to me and I can’t stop my tongue from running over it. I feel the shudder that rocks her body as I look up to watch her eyes. They’re glued to mine through the mirror. The gray color in them is almost silver in this light and desire shines in them.

“I’m not scared of you,” she whispers, a pale pink blush spreading over her face.

“You should be. There’s a reason they call me Beast,” I warn her, as my hand moves to her breast, palming her tit, squeezing it gently. “A reason they compare me to an animal,” I continue, regretfully letting go of her breast to let my fingers trail along her sides. I kiss against the inside of her neck, tasting her skin. My cock is pulsating like a beating drum. I can feel my balls tighten with cum. I want inside her more than I can remember ever wanting in a woman before. I could scream, because I know that’s not happening right now. I need to make Hayden comfortable with losing herself with me—which should be what I concentrate on, instead of warning her away. How the hell I’ve developed a conscious with the one woman I’ve wanted in years, is beyond me.