He blew out a breath. “The scariest shit I’ve ever experienced in my whole life, bar none. Even Stas and his thugs don’t compare to that.”
“I’m sorry, Cormac. How awful to have gone through that all alone.”
“I’ll never forget seeing myself in a mirror after that first shift. Jesus…” he muttered.
She couldn’t even imagine it. It had been hard enough as a cub with plenty of parental support, but all alone? It had to be terrifying. “The shift is a big deal in our circles, just so you know. Had anyone known, there would have been a ceremony, blessings, all sorts of good things.”
“Kind of like a Bar Mitzvah only with honey and salmon?”
“And a big disco ball for dancing after all the rituals are complete.”
Cormac laughed again. “I’m damned put out that I missed doing the Chicken Dance. But somehow I managed. It turned out all right.”
Cormac had to have some kind of will to survive, doing that all on his own. His determination spoke to his character and it made her toes tingle.
“But to not understand what was happening to your body, to wonder if you’d always be like this? Not knowing any of the things involved with a shift—not to mention our lifestyles, what we need to survive. That we don’t hibernate like non-shifter bears. The details of being a shifter that you have no idea about. That sucks. On behalf of all of my fellow bear shifters, I apologize.”
“I will say this, once I got past the whole similarities to Teen Wolf, it was a little cool. But there was a long period of time where I went through the ‘I’m a freak’ stage.”
Her heart clenched in sympathy, making her hands tighten around the sheets. “So how did you end up at that cabin? It’s so far out of the way of everything. Like really deep into the forest.”
“I got damn lucky. I don’t know who it belonged to before me or how long it’s been there, but it was there like a mirage in a sandy desert. I watched for days before I got up the guts to move in. After that, I pieced the kitchen and bedroom together by Dumpster diving at night in the nearest town.”
“And Lenny? I love Lenny Kravitz. So he was a stray?”
Cormac’s voice warmed the darkness surrounding them. “I found him half frozen on one of my treks around the perimeter of the cabin. Poor little guy, I didn’t think he’d make it. But I wasn’t giving up. He was the first contact I had with anything other than the typical animals in the forest.”
“And his name—how’d that happen?”
“Have you seen my cat’s swagger? He’s the epitome of cool. Just like Lenny. But now look at him. One can of salmon from Nina and he’s sleeping with her on her California king. Traitor.”
Teddy chuckled, closing her eyes. “She does have an uncanny way with animals, and situations like Carl’s, where her need to nurture is probably some of the best mothering I’ve ever seen.”
“Did you catch her reading to him? It was pretty great. I’d have never guessed she was as patient as she was until she and Carl sat down before dinner to read, of all things, Jane Austen. It’s incredible.”
“They’re all pretty incredible.” Every last one of them. She liked them far more than she’d ever liked anyone in just a couple of days’ worth of time spent together. She liked their vibe, their interaction, their loyalty and even their bickering.
“I’m coming to see that. I think they’re the most selfless people I’ve ever met. They’re balls to the wall, all in. I’m beyond grateful Toni had them.”
Something she’d wondered about since she found out everything began in Jersey made her ask, “How did you get to Colorado all the way from Jersey? Especially after being bitten?”
“This will sound weird, but after I was bitten, I staggered around for probably a week, sleeping in rest areas and trying to conserve the cash I still had on me.”
Teddy gasped, fighting a yawn. “Stas didn’t rob you blind? What kind of murderer is he anyway?”
“Apparently the kind who only likes removing body parts. But I wondered about that, too. I couldn’t believe my wallet was still in my back pocket; everything exactly like it was when they knocked me out and took me. I just knew I had to get somewhere safer than Jersey. I must’ve called Toni a million times from various burner cells, only to fill up her voice mail with messages. I swear, I thought she was dead. I was convinced she was dead.”
The anguish in his voice forced her to ask, “Why didn’t you go just to the police when you got away, Cormac? Report Toni missing? Surely they would have at least investigated. Tell them about how they held you hostage and chopped off your finger?”
“Because when they thought I was unconscious, I listened to them joke about all the cops and the city administrators on their payroll. I knew damn well they couldn’t be trusted.”
“Just like what Toni experienced,” Teddy whispered. Christ, what a rock and a hard place for him to land between.