I shrugged. “Not really, but it does mean she’s focused. Mature. Has a plan for her life.”
Ashley snorted lightly. “Just ’cause someone is a medical doctor doesn’t mean they’re mature.”
Bumping her shoulder with mine I gave her a little grin. “You know what I mean.”
She grumbled something I didn’t catch, then asked, “What’s her specialty? Or has she chosen one?”
“She’s applied for a program in anesthesiology.”
My sister’s reaction to this news was to stare forward with her lips rolled between her teeth. She did this when she was struggling against an unkind impulse.
After a moment, she asked in a meticulously even tone. “Okay, she’s smart. What else do you like?”
I shrugged, realizing I hadn’t given the subject much thought before now. “I’ve known her for a long time, and she likes me. She asked me out a few times this last year, whenever she visited her folks in town.”
“So, you like that she likes you?”
“I guess so.”
Ashley’s eyebrows did a weird thing on her forehead. “But what do you have in common?”
I struggled with that one, lamely saying, “She likes my car,” and then I winced because that sounded even worse out loud than it had in my head.
Damn.
“Beau.”
Taking a deep breath, I turned a rueful smile on my sister. “Ashley.”
She mimicked my grin, cupping my jaw and shaking her head at me like she thought I was cute. “Do you really like this woman? Really?”
“She’s . . . fine.”
My sister sputtered a laugh. “What is going on? As far as I’m aware, this would be the first time you’ve wanted to be exclusive with anyone, right?”
I nodded, turning my attention to my hands. “If you don’t count my ten or so girlfriends in middle and high school, then yes. That is correct.”
Contrary to popular belief around town, I wasn’t one to sleep around. At all.
Yeah, I flirted. I always had a date when I needed one. But other than my last two girlfriends in high school, I hadn’t had sex with anyone.
Darlene and I had messed around on our dates in Green Valley and when I visited her in Nashville, but I’d been holding out on moving to the next step until she gave me assurances.
Andrea Poole was the last, and for good reason.
Duane and Billy were the only ones who knew the story about Andrea, about what had happened between us, and I wasn’t of a mind to discuss the details with Ash.
“I’m not counting your girlfriends in high school, because you were just a kid and were never serious about those girls. Then why, as a man, are you settling for someone who is merely fine? You should be with someone amazing.”
When I said nothing, she added, “You know you can have your pick of anybody.”
I rolled my eyes at my sister’s statement, sighing, which just caused her to shove my shoulder. “Don’t huff at me, Beau. You know it’s true. Everywhere we go in this town—and out of it for that matter—all the ladies swoon over your smiles.” Tucking her folded hands under her chin, she batted her long, dark eyelashes at me.
“Quit it, Ash.” Duane and Hank’s teasing was one thing, but coming from my sister those statements made me tetchy.
Girls liked me, this was true. But I didn’t want a girl, I wanted a woman. I wanted what Jethro had, what Duane had, and what Drew had with my sister.
She laughed at my expression, shoving my shoulder again. “Why Darlene?”
Out of nowhere, and before I knew what I was saying, I blurted, “What if there is no one else?”
“What?”
“I’m stuck.” I swallowed on the last word, my neck hot with the admission.
Ashley flinched. “You’re stuck?”
“Jethro has Sienna. They’re perfect together, getting married, have a baby on the way. He’s moved out to the carriage house. Things are happening. And then there’s Billy. He’s been promoted twice this last year and people are talking about a run for state senate. We hardly see him because he’s too busy. And then you and Drew have each other, and it’s like you were made for each other. You moving back here last year, living together, you’ll probably get married next year.” This last part came out sounding like an accusation and I didn’t know why.
And I didn’t know why my heart was beating fast, or why the rubber band around my chest had tightened, making breathing difficult.
“Honey—”
“Duane has Jess, and she’s all he ever wanted. They’re leaving—he’s leaving—before Thanksgiving.” I needed to clear my throat before I could continue and I shifted my attention to my hands. “His entire world has changed, opened up, and he has what he’s always wanted. I want to be happy for him. And then Roscoe,” I gestured to the house behind us, “graduated college. He’s going to vet school. He’s grown up, moving on with his life.”
Ashley covered my hands with hers. “Oh, Beau.”
I cleared my throat again and reminded myself I wasn’t angry with Ashley. I wasn’t angry with the rest of my family either, for living life, for finding their soulmates, for moving forward.
When I spoke next, I made sure to keep my voice even and returned my eyes to Ashley. “Cletus is the only one—other than me—who hasn’t changed. Except, you’ve noticed, right? He’s been different. He’s fixating on something. Jethro thinks it’s a woman. Sure, he’s being sneaky, playing the banjo Friday nights at the jam session and shuffleboard on Sunday, same as before. But how long is that going to last?”
A kind smile stole over her lips and behind her eyes. “Keep in mind, Cletus doesn’t much like change. When he changes, it’ll be kicking and screaming the whole way.”
“I suppose I shouldn’t be happy to hear that, but I am.” I huffed a laugh, shaking my head and giving my gaze back to the sky. “I’m not opposed to change. I’m ready for things to change. I guess I hate being the only one stuck.”
“But settling for someone, or pushing for more with a person you don’t have strong feelings for, isn’t the way to go about getting a jump-start on living life.”
“It’s like y’all are . . .” leaving me behind.
“What?”
I turned my palm up, captured my sister’s hand in mine and swallowed, unable to complete the thought. Ashley slowly sucked in a breath—the way she did when she was preparing to lecture me about something—but footsteps approaching from the side of the house derailed her.
We both turned, squinting at the darkness just beyond the ring of light provided by the porch lights. Our youngest sibling emerged. His attention was on the ground and he was wearing a distracted scowl.
“Roscoe?”
He stopped short at the sound of his name, wide eyes meeting Ashley’s, and then mine.
“Oh. Hey. Didn’t know y’all were out here.” He took a half-step back.
Ashley and I swapped a quick glance. She looked as suspicious and curious as I was.
“Where were you?”
“Huh?”
“Huh?” Ashley echoed, teasing him. This was classic Roscoe, pretending he didn’t hear or understand a question in order to delay answering it.