Be the Girl

“Cassie!”

“Fine!” Spinning on her heels, she stomps up the path, pausing a few times as if reconsidering her compulsion to obey her mother, muttering something about not having to listen to her. Does she realize that she already is?

Heather sighs heavily, then turns her soft gray-blue eyes on me. “Do you know what happened between Emmett and Holly? All he told me is that they broke up.”

“Uh …” What do I say? I know exactly why they broke up, and I can play the reason for you right here, on my phone?

“I know. I’m sorry to corner you like this, but I’m not going to get more out of him, and he made Cassie so upset last night.”

“Yeah, she seemed a bit annoyed with him.” When Cassie and I passed the parking lot after school today, Emmett was pulling out. He waved at us. Cassie lifted her hand partway to respond before abruptly dropping it, as if she had just remembered that she’s still angry with him. And Cassie’s facial expressions are priceless. Her smiles are wide but her frowns are equally deep, and as much as she sometimes has trouble showing the right emotions for the occasion, when she gets it right … boy, does she get it right.

She outright glowered at her brother as he drove by.

“He’s adamant that she stays away from Holly and, well, as you know, Cassie doesn’t have a lot of friends to begin with. I wouldn’t want her to lose a friendship, however shallow it may be, because of her brother’s broken heart.” There’s a flash of raw vulnerability in her eyes. “If someone could help me understand—”

“You shouldn’t. Let Holly near Cassie, I mean.” I swallow. “Holly isn’t as nice as she makes herself out to be. She’s pretty horrible, actually. Some of the things she said recently about Cassie, and other people, were terrible. Or so I’ve heard,” I add quickly, and hope she doesn’t push for details. Though, there’s a chance she and my mother will talk over lunch, and my mother will divulge the bathroom recording fiasco.

Heather sighs, her jaw tightening a touch. “I always did wonder about that girl. She seemed too perfect, but she was always outwardly nice to Cassie so what could I say?”

“She is nice. Outwardly.”

“I’ve spent the last ten years, since Cassie started school, trying to shield her from the kids who might be cruel to her. I can usually see it in their eyes—the way they look at her. Or the way they brush her off. It’s always so nice when she finds someone who’s willing to give her a bit of time and respect. And patience.” I can’t help but notice the way her eyes gloss over and she blinks repeatedly.

“Mom! There’s no clean pants!” Cassie calls from the front door of their house.

Heather seems to search her thoughts. “Oh, that’s right. I haven’t folded them yet.”

“Mom!”

“I’ll be there in a minute!” Heather smiles at me. “Thank you for being a friend to Cassie, and for looking out for her.”

“Mom!”

“As much as she may test you sometimes.” She takes the same path toward the house that her daughter so insolently stomped up not long ago.

“Bye, AJ! See you tomorrow!” Cassie waves wildly at me, the smile on her face infectious.





12





Dear Julia,

I’m conflicted.

I HATE cross-country mornings, because I don’t get to run with Emmett, or drive in to school with him. BUT on the mornings I don’t have practice, I get Emmett all to myself in the morning for a half hour—no Cassie, no McNair—BECAUSE of cross-country.

Deep thoughts at 1:00 a.m. as sleep evades me, yet again.

Tomorrow’s a cross-country morning, and I’m dreading it. Holly missed last Wednesday’s and Friday’s practices. I was hoping she’d dropped out, but I overheard Ms. Moretti telling someone she’d be back tomorrow. Even if she isn’t, I can’t see Moretti kicking her off. We’re already down one runner, now that Emmett’s gone, and Holly’s a decent runner, as much as I hate to admit that.

So, I have to assume she’ll be back tomorrow morning, which means either I run behind her or deal with burning-hot laser beams drilling into the back of my head, and let me tell you, I’m getting tired of feeling those all first period, for just sitting next to Emmett.

And if she’s going to hate on every girl who goes near Emmett, she had better make a long list because, oh my God, Julia … You would not believe how many girls are suddenly lurking around him, batting their eyes and bumping into him in the halls. And they’re ALL pretty.

And every time I see him stop to talk to one of them, I convince myself that she’s the one he’s going to fall for next.

~AJ





I spot Holly warming up when I reach the school the next morning.

I intentionally head for the opposite side of the group to avoid her.

“Hey, AJ. How was your weekend?” Richard bounds back and forth from one leg to the next, lifting his knees with each step. He has swapped his usual yellow sweatband for an orange one.

I stretch out my hamstrings. “Quiet. What about yours?”

“Oh, it was just the best weekend of my entire existence. No big deal.”

I can’t help but chuckle. Richard’s intensity goes beyond his efforts with cross-country. There’s a lot of “extra” with everything he says and does. It’s earned him some uncomplimentary looks along the hallways but, much like Jen with her odd clothing choices, either he doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

I think I respect him for it.

“I’m almost afraid to ask.”

“Me and the guys clocked in an epic twenty-two hours straight of Dungeons and Dragons. We were delirious.”

I frown. “Dungeons and Dragons? What’s that?”

He pauses, his mouth agape. “‘What’s that?’ she asks. It’s only the greatest role-playing game known to mankind.”

“Hey, Aria, can I talk to you for a sec?” Holly’s voice is especially sweet as she cuts into my conversation with Richard.

I stifle my groan. So much for avoiding her. As much as I want to call her out for the crap she said about me, it won’t help matters. It sure as hell won’t help team dynamics. Still, I struggle to keep my own voice light. “What’s up?”

“Katie said your time is really improving.”

Something tells me Holly doesn’t care about my time. “I’ve been training hard.”

“With Emmett?” she asks innocently.

Now I see where this conversation is headed. “Sometimes.” Always. I reach toward the ground, mainly to avoid eye contact.

“How’s he doing?”

She obviously thinks I don’t know about the recording, about how she belittled me. It also means she doesn’t suspect me as being the culprit in the bathroom stall.

I choose my words knowing they’ll strike hard. “He seems fine. Happy.”

Her face pinches, as if she was hoping for a different answer. The front doors slam and we turn to see Ms. Moretti marching toward us. “Hey, so for social studies today, swap seats with me, okay? I really need to talk to him.”

“You want to talk to him during class about why you broke up?”

“Well, that way he can’t walk away when I try to apologize. Again, for like the thousandth time.” She rolls her eyes, as if annoyed. “Let him sit down first, and then, when morning announcements come on, you can get up and—”

“No. I don’t think so.”

Holly’s eyes flash with anger.

“He’ll talk to you when he’s ready, which I’m guessing is going to be long time from now. You really hurt him. And his family,” I throw in for good measure, Heather’s watery eyes flashing through my mind.

Thankfully, I’m saved from whatever response she might have when a sharp blow of Ms. Moretti’s whistle cuts through the air. “Okay, you’ve had time to warm up. Let’s go, ladies and gentleman!” She claps her hands.

I take off down the path, trying to put as much distance as possible between myself and Holly.

My thighs are throbbing by the time I reach the end.