He nodded. “Cori sends me pictures.”
I turned to my side and faced him, shivering as he pulled the covers aside and slipped back into bed. “Have you ever asked to see her?”
“No. Seems like a dick move when I’m a stranger to her.”
“That’s because you couldn’t have seen her from inside a prison.”
He sighed heavily. “Yeah, but that’s no fuckin’ excuse, Viv. You think a kid gets that her dad’s never been around because he was in prison? She just knows I’ve never been around.”
I leaned up on my elbow. “So try. If you’re able to talk to Cori, ask. It’s clear you love Brooklyn and want to be in her life.”
“I haven’t talked to Cori in ten years.” Kane was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling, his voice hard and cold. “I send her money and she mails pictures back to the address I sent the money from. That’s it.”
“I know it would be hard to ask,” I said, reaching out and laying a hand on his chest. “But you can—”
“You don’t know.” His bitter tone made me withdraw my hand. “You don’t have a fucking clue what it’s like to let your own flesh and blood down on a level like this. It feels so simple to you because you’re good. Who have you ever disappointed?”
He turned and gave me an accusatory scowl. I pulled the covers up over my chest.
“I’m far from perfect,” I said. “And I see cases like this in my job. I don’t think you’d ever be sorry you tried, even if it doesn’t work. When you come face to face with Brooklyn one day, don’t you want to be able to at least say you tried?”
His expression darkened with an anger I hadn’t seen since the first night I met him, when he confronted Eric in the alley.
“She doesn’t need a fuckup like me in her life. What the hell kind of father would I be?”
“It’s not a hypothetical. You are a father, Kane. And I think you’d be a lot better than you think, if you’d just try. All children should know their parents want to be with them.”
He shot out of the bed and I drew back with surprise.
“Stop fucking pushing me,” he said in a raised voice. “I never asked you to save me. That’s not why I told you about her.”
“You told me because you thought I’d push you away when I knew. You tend to assume the worst about people.”
“Yeah, well, live and learn.” He picked his jeans up from the floor and stepped into them.
“You’re leaving? Over this?”
“I need to go anyway. I’ve got shit to do.”
“Kane.”
He glared at me. “What?”
“I said it because I care. Not to piss you off.”
He sighed with exasperation. “I know. But thinking about calling Cori up gives me serious heartburn, Viv. What the fuck would I say? Hey, I know I’ve been absent for ten years, but can I pick Brooklyn up this weekend? She’ll tell me to fuck off.”
“She doesn’t have to give permission. If she refuses to let you see your daughter, you can take her to court to exercise your rights. You’re her father, and you have rights.”
He shook his head and pulled his t-shirt on over his head. “I wouldn’t know the first thing about any of that.”
“I do. Perks of sleeping with a family law attorney.”
“Drop it, Viv.” He wouldn’t look at me as he sat down and laced up his boots. “I don’t deserve to be part of her life.”
“She deserves it, though.” I said it so softly I wasn’t even sure he heard me.
“I have to go.” He slid into his leather jacket, still not looking at me.
I laid back down and pulled the covers up to my chest. “I’m not saying goodbye to you like it’s okay for you to go. It’s not. You can’t keep walking out on me when things are emotionally tough.”
“It’s almost ten. We’ve been in bed since three. I’ve got shit to do.”
“Guess I’ll see you when your mood clears,” I said in a clipped tone.