“Excuse me,” I muttered, brushing past him.
I pushed my way out the big metal door at the end of the hall, gulping down deep lungfuls of the fresh air outside. The smells were only slightly improved out here, since I was standing next to the dog run.
I thought about calling Brynn for advice. But what would she tell me that I didn’t already know? That I was being an idiot? That a relationship built on deceit was doomed to fail?
Hearing those things out loud would make them more real, so I left my phone in my pocket. Brynn had always been pragmatic and straitlaced, every bit a daddy’s girl. The last thing I needed to hear was the bitter disappointment in my sister’s voice. I was disgusted enough with myself already. Thank you very much.
As I sank down into the dirt, I tried to remember that there was a method to my madness.
But once I’d actually met Nolan and stared up into his handsome blue eyes, it wasn’t hard to feel something stir inside me. He was a protector, through and through. It didn’t hurt how attractive he was with that strong, angular jawline, full lips, rugged muscles, and a filthy mouth too. I’d fallen hard and fast.
Even on that first night we talked, I knew this wasn’t going to be cut and dried. I’d worn a polite smile and nodded along to his stories about leaving the Navy, moving back home to Texas to be near his mom, and working at a private security firm.
But when the conversation had turned to his fallen friend, the look in his eyes had darkened, and a knot of unease had settled in my stomach. What had started as a game or a silly dare had become very real.
In my mind, Nolan Maxwell had been a one-dimensional ex-Navy SEAL badass who could offer me the protection I needed. The reality was that he was a real human being with battle wounds, hidden depths, and a soft side for women. He had invited me into his life, a life he already shared with another. And now I wanted more.
He’d been nothing but forthcoming, all while I dodged questions about my past and hid the truth from him.
So here I was, sitting in the dirt, fearful of what was to come. Once he knew my secret, that would be the end of it. He’d go back to his quiet, happy life with Daniella. But didn’t he deserve more? And didn’t I?
Thinking about the times we’d spent together, gazing into his handsome face, his eyes as deep and blue as the ocean . . . God, it was all burned into my brain. Every erotic moment replayed like an old movie I’d memorized from watching too many times.
It seemed that massaging Nolan’s tight, weary muscles had made all my feelings rush to the surface. He’d seemed in awe of me, as if he’d never had a woman care for him that way. And the tender way we’d touched and caressed each other’s flesh until we came together . . . it was indescribable. The most sensual thing I’d ever done by far. I had no regrets about that.
I wanted to care for this man, including all his broken bits. Nurse his wounded heart back to life. It had lain dormant for so long.
Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but I had the inkling that Daniella’s presence in his life was a Band-Aid, a sorry excuse for the real thing. She didn’t love him. Not if she was okay sharing him. If Daniella truly cared for him the way he deserved, she’d never be okay with my presence in his life, another woman’s perfume on his skin or name on his lips.
I sure as hell wasn’t—and I’d known him mere weeks, not years like her.
“Lacey?” Horace poked his head out the door to peer down on me. “You okay?”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. Stupid tears.
“Just a sec,” I called. It wasn’t fair to hide out here.
Horace nodded once. A moment later, the big door thudded shut.
I pushed my hands into my hair and hung my head between my knees. Fuck. What was I thinking?
I knew exactly what I’d been thinking. That I was in trouble back home, and Nolan was the man who could keep me safe.
If I’d known then just how dangerous this whole thing would become, I might have gotten into my car and driven straight back to Oklahoma. Instead, I picked myself up from the ground, dusted off my jeans, and headed back inside to finish my shift with the nosy but well-meaning Horace.
Chapter Thirteen
Nolan
Things were beginning to feel more strained than ever between Daniella and me, and I was no closer to figuring out what was going on with Lacey and me. Getting shit-faced with Grey hadn’t helped, either. I just wasn’t ready to think about changing my future. Every scenario twisted my stomach with unease.
And then I’d spent that incredible evening with Lacey. Watching her attempt to waltz, feeling her warm mouth on me . . .