“Are you sad?”
I nod. “Yeah. A little.”
A lot.
My eyes fill and you wipe my tears away with the tips of your fingers. “We’re gonna have the time of our lives in LA—promise.”
You tell me a bedtime story about late-night taco runs and sunsets on the beach. An apartment with our clothes in the same closet. You say maybe we can get a dog. We’ll wake up next to each other every morning and sometimes you’ll even bring me breakfast in bed.
“It’ll be perfect,” you say.
“Perfect,” I agree. Then I tell myself to believe it.
TWENTY-TWO
I’m having a dream—something involving an otter and my world history test on Monday—when I suddenly come awake. You’re leaning over me, a smile on your face. The room is dark and at first I think you’ve snuck in somehow, but then I see that the bedroom door is open and the hallway light is on.
“What?” is all I can manage.
“Happy birthday,” you say as you pull back the covers.
I sit up, rub my eyes. “What’s going on?”
You point to the clock. “It’s officially your birthday.”
“It is?”
“Yep. You were born at exactly three-twenty a.m. on November fourteenth, eighteen years ago.” You stand and grin. “How much time do you need to get ready?”
“For what?” I ask, immediately suspicious.
“We’re going on an adventure. Top secret.”
“My mom’s okay with this?”
“I got parental clearance, don’t worry.”
You hold out your hands and help me up, then pull me against you for a second before letting go. I’m wide awake now, and smiling.
“What do I need to wear for this adventure?”
“Normal stuff. But bring a coat.”
“You’re being very mysterious.”
You blow me a kiss as you back out of the room. “I’ll wait for you in the dining room.”
Things have been weird between us since the night of the cast party. I’m trying not to resent you for asking me to stay in California. It was my choice, you didn’t force me, and yet it felt like I had no choice at all. But more than going to New York, I don’t want to end up like my mom in failed and loveless relationships. I found you, the One, and I’d be stupid to let you go. But it’s hard, giving New York up. I don’t listen to Rent anymore—can’t. I threw away all the pamphlets from NYU. I tell myself that you’re worth it all.
When I’m finished getting ready, I grab my purse and coat. The door to my mom and The Giant’s room is firmly shut, so I turn off the lights as I go back down the hall.
“How’d you get in?” I ask.
“Your mom left a key under the mat for me.” You grab my hand. “Let’s go.”
There’s coffee for me in the car, with lots of cream and sugar, just how I like it. We seem to be the only people in town awake this early—there isn’t a single car on the road.
“It’s kind of creepy this early in the morning,” I say. “Like, apocalypse creepy.”
You laugh. “Getting up this early is a sign of how much I love you, that’s for sure.”
I take a sip of my coffee. “So … where are we going?”
The only place open is Denny’s, but that doesn’t seem like something worth getting up at three in the morning for. Then we turn on a familiar street and you park in front of Nat’s house.
“Okay, now I’m really curious,” I say.
Nat and Lys come bounding out of the house.
“Happy birthday!” they say in unison as they get into the backseat. Nat holds up a pink pastry box. “I come bearing doughnuts.”
“Okay, what is going on? I’m dying over here,” I say, grinning.
You pull away from Nat’s house and head toward the freeway.
“We’re going north,” you say.
“I need you to narrow it down a little bit more for me.”
“Oh, let’s play twenty questions,” Nat says, clapping her hands. She hands me a tiara covered in pink rhinestones. “Also, you have to wear this, birthday girl.”
I put it on, giggling. “Okay, question number one: is this place far away?”
Lys nods. “Yes and no.”
“More than two hours?” I ask.
“Yes,” you say.
“Is this place near the ocean?”
“Yes,” Nat says.
I start smiling before I even ask my next question. “Does it have a really big bridge?”
“Yes,” they all say.
“Oh my god, are we seriously going to San Francisco?”
“Hell yeah we are,” you say.
“You guys!” I squeal. “Best birthday ever!”
“Well, you only become a legal adult once,” Nat says.
“Your mom made me promise that you wouldn’t get a tattoo,” you say.
“For real?”
You laugh. “For real.”
Lys hands me her phone. “Here. I made you a birthday playlist.”
A playlist from Lys is a serious thing. She spends hours on them, finding the perfect mix of songs that she puts in a very specific order. Sometimes she goes for a theme, but it’s always an eclectic mix. The last one she made had bluegrass, Rihanna, and the Beatles, with a little bit of Radiohead and Yo-Yo Ma thrown in for good measure.
I plug Lys’s phone into your sound system. The first song that comes on is the Beatles “Birthday.” I laugh as you sing along and dance in your seat. We break open the box of doughnuts, and I get first choice: chocolate with sprinkles, of course.
The three-hour drive goes by fast. There’s no traffic this early and we’re fueled by sugar and caffeine. The first thing we do when we get there is grab breakfast at an old-school diner in the Mission. Pancakes, hash browns, bacon, and more coffee. We’re across the street from an entire building covered in street art—swirling flowers, a huge sun, ocean waves. These are my people.
“I cannot tell you how good it feels to be almost two hundred miles away from my family,” I say as I take the last bite of my hash browns.
You wrap an arm around me and pull me closer. “Ditto.”
“Think about it this way,” Lys says. “This time next year, you might be in New York City, drama major extraordinaire.”
I feel you stiffen beside me. I haven’t told Nat and Lys yet. I know they’ll be mad. They’ll think I’m crazy. And maybe I am. But what’s more important: a city or a person? The love of my life or the city that never sleeps? Mostly, I just don’t want them to hate you. They didn’t understand why I never made it to the cast party, why you’d even be cool with me skipping it.
Strike two, Nat said. You definitely lost their vote somewhere between the bowling alley and the cast party. But I think you bringing them to San Fran was a good call. I can see them softening.
“Speaking of drama,” Lys says, looking at you. “Did you tell her yet?”
You shake your head, a small smile playing on your face.
“What? More secrets?” I say, bumping my shoulder against yours.
You reach into your jacket pocket and hand me four tickets—to see Rent today.
“Are you freaking serious? Oh my god!” I throw my arms around you and you laugh, hugging me back, tight. Then I hit you. “You jerk! You told me they’d sold out.”
You laugh. “Well, I didn’t want to ruin the surprise!”