“Goddamn it, Hubert you little cocksucker,” I snap as the useless cat grumbles and moves away from his position curled against the back of my neck. As the three ladies moan and snore in their half-sleep, I ease myself up and away from them. It's totally great to have Brooke's hot breath against my dick, but not with the fucking kids on either side of me. That's just goddamn gross.
I tiptoe over to the downstairs bathroom and release the chihuahuas, tripping and stumbling over the panting, hopping little bodies as I struggle over to the back door. As soon as I let them out, Dodger comes ripping down the stairs and explodes out into the yard behind them.
“Useless rats,” I snort as I yawn and scratch at my belly with tired fingers. When I check the bathroom out, I find that the little shits have crapped and pissed all over everything. Great. Perfect way to start the morning.
“Zayden?” Brooke says as she sits up and leaves the two seven year olds sprawled out across the sofa. “What time is it?”
I check the clock and find that it's kind of freakishly early.
“Um, ungodly?” I joke as I peek in the crib and find Sadie wide awake and sitting up all by herself. She has a pink stuffed bear that I grabbed for her at the store, the end of one of its legs shoved into her tiny mouth. I smile and wink at her, reaching in to pinch her cheek as she laughs. “You want some breakfast?”
Brooke shrugs her shoulders, wrapping her arms around herself and looking so fucking ridiculously sexy in my t-shirt that I kind of want to toss her over the kitchen table and screw her right now. Damn. If only we were alone …
I pick up one of the blue sugar cookies we made last night with food coloring and shove it into my mouth.
“I can make pancakes. I think. At least, I once had this ex-girlfriend who was obsessed with them. I used to cook them for her in little heart shapes.” I use both of my pointer fingers to draw a heart in the air as Brooke wrinkles her nose at me. Stupidly, I can't stop thinking about how cute that is, too. Like, I'm completely and utterly obsessed with this girl. I wasn't even this crazy interested in anyone in high school. And that's what I'm acting like right now, like I'm in fucking high school or something.
“Don't talk about your ex-girlfriends,” she says and lifts her palms up. “I'm not trying to get weird or anything, I just … I don't want to talk about them right now, okay?” A strange shadow of emotion flickers across her face and is gone. I try to interpret it, but I'm no good at this stuff, so I just shrug my shoulders and open the cabinet.
I pull out the box of pancake mix and read the instructions carefully. Huh. Easy peasy. I got this shit.
“You want them in heart shapes?” I ask as I waggle my eyebrows and grin at her. Brooke pulls out a chair and sits in it, crossing her legs in a pair of pink cat pj's that kind of make me want to kiss her face off. “Or if that bugs you, I can do … smiley faces? There's bacon in the fridge. We can go classic breakfast cliché and do fried eggs, too, if you want.”
“Do hearts,” Brooke says firmly and then after a long pause, “and fuck your ex-girlfriend.”
I throw my head back and laugh, putting my hands together and touching my fingers to my lips.
“Yeah, yeah, I like that. Let's reclaim the heart pancakes from that bitch.” I grab a rag and wipe off Sadie's high chair before heading to her crib to grab her. “And she was a bitch, that much I can assure you. I felt bad for her because after we slept together, she cried and told me her whole life story, like how she was homeless and everything.”
I snag Sadie's diaper bag with my foot and toss a blanket onto the living room carpet to change her.
“Your white knight disorder again?” Brooke asks from her spot in the kitchen. She sounds bemused, and I wonder what her face looks like, cleaning Sadie up as quick as I can and hefting her against my chest.
“Yup. Exactly. That shit gets me into such serious trouble. The chick ended up stealing like, a thousand in cash from the safe in my closet and bailing after two months.” I park my niece in her chair while I get some music started and make up a bottle. My song pick for the morning is “Queen of Hearts” by We The Kings. Oh, I so totally dig this tune. “To be honest, I never even really liked her that much.”
“You date girls you don't like?” Brooke asks as I let warm water run over the bottle and start prepping the pancake batter, jamming to my groove as I move. “I think there's a few psychological issues hiding in there somewhere.”
I snort and grab a cup and a half of water to toss into the mixing bowl, whisking out the lumps as I bump and grind my hips and Brooke laughs at me. When I look back at her, she slaps a hand across her mouth and shakes her head at me. I just give her a wink and keep movin'.
“For sure. No doubt there. I think I have commitment issues. Like, if I date girls I hate, then I don't have to worry about falling for them, you know?”
“Wow. I mean, you're actually aware of that?”
“Hell yeah. Have been for years. What about you? Do you think dating a guy for three years that won't sleep with you or marry you means anything?”
“You think I have psychological problems?”