“Shane,” I whisper, and not because he wants me to, but rather because it’s there on my lips, the way I wish his tongue was on my lips now. “Shane, I—”
Seeming to know what I need, he cups my head and kisses me, long, slow, sensual strokes of his tongue that somehow make every touch of his fingers more intense. “Come for me,” he murmurs, and this time when he kisses me, I start climbing that wall to release, and I’m there at the top in an instant. I stiffen while his fingers and tongue tease, please, and then I jerk, I’m over it, tumbling in an instant into shudders and shakes. Shane’s lips lift from mine as he breathes with me. His fingers slow as he eases me through the waves until I collapse against his chest.
He tangles his fingers in my hair and drags my mouth back to his. “And no one but me will ever make you come like that again,” he declares, the waves of his emotions beating down any embarrassment I might feel over having had an orgasm on his father’s desk.
“No one has ever made me feel what you make me feel, Shane.”
“I love you,” he declares. “You know that, right? With everything I am or will ever be.”
Shock radiates through me at the declaration he’s never spoken until now. “You do?”
“Yes. I do.”
And I love him too, but I’m tormented by the timing of the confession. “I love you too, Shane, but last night confuses me. Why didn’t you take my calls?”
He leans back and looks at me, shards of emotions I cannot name in his eyes. “I told you—”
“Tell me again.”
He sucks in air, stepping back and sliding my knees together, gently pulling down my dress before grabbing the chair and pulling it forward. He sits in it, his hands settling on the desk on either side of me, his head lowering. My hands go to him, fingers sliding into the long dark strands of his hair, a hint of dampness telling me that his shower wasn’t very long ago. I don’t press him. I wait. I give him room to breathe, just happy he’s doing it here with me.
Finally, his head lifts and he looks at me. “You are everything that is right in my world right now, Emily. Everything good.”
“But you shut me out.”
“Because I don’t want the bad in my life, in me, to destroy you and us.”
“In you? There is no bad in you, Shane.”
“I don’t win like I win and have no bad in me, sweetheart. I have a ruthless side. You don’t see it because you love me. And I don’t want that to change.”
“I was going to law school. I like to win too. I know it takes being ruthless. I’m not naive. I can handle whatever you need me to handle.”
“I don’t need you to handle any of this. That’s the point. And no matter where this takes me, if I have you to come back to, I will come back.”
“That statement was spoken like you’ve put a divide between us now.”
“A divide between you and the situation, not me and you.”
“They’re the same.”
“No. I’m still with you, sweetheart, like I have never been with anyone.”
“Shane—”
“The situation is bad, Emily. Really fucking bad.”
“I know, but—”
“One of the men guarding us disappeared last night. A family man with two kids.”
“Oh God.” My hand goes to my neck. “Tell me he’s not dead.”
“I don’t know the answer to that, but I told Martina that if Ted is dead, then there will be no drug study. And don’t tell me I can’t do business with him. You have to see this is not cut-and-dried.”
“I spent a lot of time researching the Martina cartel and the family last night,” I say, “looking for any weakness I could give you to use against them. I know it’s not cut-and-dried.”
“And what did you discover?”
“That if you find their weakness, they cut your head off, which is why I’m terrified over your involvement with Adrian.”
“And that information is exactly why I don’t want you involved.”
“He has people following me around, Shane. I’m involved, but believe me, I’m not dangling a cookie out there and asking for attention. I just want to get it off of you. What did he say about Ted?”
“He denied being involved but said he’d look for him as a favor to a friend.”
“The game you mentioned.”
“Yes. The game.”
I study him, those shards in his eyes cutting, the emotions they represent unfamiliar to me, and frightening, and with them, a realization comes to me. “You asked me who spanked me. You really needed to know.”
“Yes. I did.”
“Why?”
“I just did, Emily.”
“And I just keep thinking about him.”
His spine straightens. “What the hell does that even mean?”
“Not in a good way. He is not a good memory.”
“Did I do that to you? Did I trigger bad memories? I would never—”
“I know.”
“Did I hurt you?”
“No. No, it was intimate and sexy and—” I press my hand to my face. “I’m blushing thinking about it.”
He pulls my hand from my face. “It was intimate and sexy and I liked it.”
“I did too, but I don’t know what came over me. I all but told you to do it.”
“You did tell me to do it.”
“Okay, I did.”
“What are you telling me, Emily?”
“That spanking and me thinking about him wasn’t about him or me. It was about you. When I was with him, I was hiding from me. I didn’t like what I’d become and I wanted an escape. All I was doing was hiding. Don’t hide from yourself by hiding from me.”
“I don’t hide. Ever. I’m protecting you.”
“And now it’s my turn to say—it’s not that simple. And you know it.”
The phone on the desk buzzes, and I jolt while Shane simply frowns, pushing to his feet and moving to the other side of the desk. He punches the lit-up button, and Jessica immediately says, “Senior is here.”
My heart leaps to my throat and I jump to the ground. “Oh God. This is bad.”
“Try to hold him off,” Shane orders.
“He’s already rounding the corner,” Jessica replies.
“Try anyway,” Shane snaps, letting go of the button and facing me.
“This is bad,” I say.
“This is us talking, and he of all people knows we have plenty to talk about.”
“Does he know about Ted?”
“He knows nothing but what happened at the dinner, and keep it that way. Now, let’s go face the angry king.”
I nod and we round the desk, but just as we reach the door, he snags my waist and turns me to him. “If ever I’m not home,” he says, “I’m wishing I was there.”
My thundering heart falls. He’s just prepared me for more lonely nights, and I can’t even find the words to reply. Not that I have a chance. He kisses me. A long drugging kiss that leaves me breathless but still sad. There is something missing in that kiss, like a piece of him he’s holding back. He begins to release me and I catch his arm, my fingers going to his lips. “Still not your shade,” I say, wiping away my lipstick.