Our rhythm changed now, slowing. Savoring. Her panties were instantly slick, and as I ran a finger against them she lost her breath, broke the kiss. I kept my mouth close and said, “You’re so fucking wet. I want to taste you.”
Her thighs spread for me. I left her dress on, and her underwear. Knelt between her legs as she combed her hands through my hair. With one finger I pulled her panties lower. Exhaled, my breath hot on her wetness. Too dark to see clearly but that only made it more sensual. All scent, heat, damp, my tongue delving in to touch her clit, her thighs tensing against my face. The way she responded drove me wild. Yielding to me, bringing herself against my mouth. Gasping at the grittiness of my face on her skin. This felt nothing like it had with Inge, years ago. This wasn’t closed eyes and make-believe. This was raw, real.
I took my mouth away. Stood to kiss her, and when she kissed back eagerly and sucked my tongue, tasting herself, I couldn’t bear it. I pulled her toward the bed. My shirt came undone in her hands. We undressed each other, to panties and boxer briefs. This was the part I’d never known how to imagine. How to deal with the fact that my dick was hard and I was wet at the same time. No silicone cock, no devices. Just me. However she saw me.
Tamsin pushed me to the bed beneath her. Our legs tangled, her breasts flattening against my chest. She kissed me, braced my wrists to the mattress, and I knew: my turn. She wanted to touch me the way I touched her.
It took all the willpower I could muster to relax.
To let her.
Her mouth moved down the ridges of my chest. This body I’d carved from nothing, from the wrong default template. Over the tattoos Vada had inked, the boy standing against Poseidon’s rage. Along scars faded to ghostly lines, small male nipples, washboard abs, the dark trail of hair disappearing into my waistband. Tamsin looked at me across my body and I looked back. Everything between us felt balanced on the paper-thin edge of this moment. She held my gaze a beat longer, then traced the V lines leading into my underwear and slid the boxer-briefs off. Kissed the tight flat muscle of my lower belly. Pushed my legs apart. Her thick curls tickled my skin.
“Tam,” I whispered. “You don’t have to.”
“Ren,” she whispered back. “I want to suck your cock. Objections?”
I stared at her. Bit my lip. Shook my head.
“Good lad. Lie back.”
I did.
Slowly, softly, she took me in her mouth, and it felt like lightning bursting in my belly, my spine plugging into an electric socket. I gripped the sheet, twisted. Groaned through my teeth. Felt her chuckle, her breath on my wet cock like a current surge. For a while it was pure euphoria, no nuance in sensation. Then it shifted and I felt my hardness in her mouth, fucking it gently, the way she ran her tongue up the shaft and circled the head. Every motion sent a shock of ecstasy through me. Intensity built endlessly on itself, rising and rising. I’d never done this with anyone after transition. Hadn’t known how it would feel. When I looked down at Tamsin with her eyes closed and my dick in her mouth, I felt like a fucking god. Not half anything. Full man. My cock was iron hard, huge, and she looked so pretty as she sucked it. I was not going to last. Tried to stop her but she glanced up and the lust-drunk look in her eyes was too much. I thrust a hand in her hair, rocked into her mouth, all of my tension and strength radiating inward to one explosive moment of utter bliss, and when my mind drifted back down from the ceiling I stroked her hair, soft, slow, the way she’d started.
Tamsin climbed up to my chest, nestled against it. I cradled her face in my hands.
“Ms. Baylor,” I said.
“Mr. Grant.”
“You’re fucking amazing.”
She rose over me, her hair tickling my face. I took her breasts in my palms. Even though I’d just come I felt that rev of desire deep in my core.
“Your turn,” I said.
“No.” She kissed me. Firm, but she stopped before it became ardent. “Tonight is yours. You don’t owe me anything.”
“I want to make you come.”
“You will.” Her grin shone in the darkness. “But I’m giving you this. This is how it feels when a girl wants you so badly she’ll suck your cock and not ask a thing in return.”
My eyes shut. “You’re killing me.”
“You’re killing me a bit, too. But I like it. So don’t stop.”
I wrapped my arms around her, and together we stared through the muslin curtains at the broken, falling sky.
———
In the morning light she was unreal. Dark legs sprawling, draped in the cream silk sheet. Curls spread on the pillow in a thousand spirals of ink. I propped myself on an elbow, admiring. My own body intertwined with hers seemed impossible. This whole life seemed impossible. When she shifted I pulled her closer, her skin cool on mine, and she turned in my arms. Fingers ran over my lips, my jaw. I let her touch. Then she pressed my hand between her breasts, to the soft thrash of her heart.
“This is how I feel,” she said, “when I look at your face.”