“It was mostly about survival,” he said quietly. “At the time Damian didn’t know if his parents were dead or alive—they’d been traveling—and Em and I knew ours were dead. During the day we were just trying to stay alive. But at night … night was bad sometimes. Night is when you have time to think.”
“Did you ever consider coming north to Olso? Looking for me or other families you knew?”
“I suggested it, actually. But then the hunters came in force and no one showed up to help. We figured the warriors decided we were on our own.” He didn’t try to keep the bitterness from his voice.
Her dark eyes held his, full of sadness and regret. “I’m sorry, Aren. I’m so sorry. I should have fought harder. My parents should have fought harder. We should have tried to help in any way we could.”
He hadn’t realized he wanted an apology, but as soon as she said it, something inside him sighed in relief. “Thanks, Iria,” he said softly. His hand brushed against her fingers. He didn’t move. “Did you fight? You didn’t tell me that.”
She nodded. “We tried talking to the king and his advisers so many times. We got a group of warriors together to back us up. But we could have done more. I convinced myself it wasn’t actually that bad, that you could defend yourselves.”
“You’re here now. Most of us really appreciate it.” He paused. “I really appreciate it.”
A small smile crossed her lips. She had pretty, full lips, and if he leaned forward a little, he could kiss her. It had been too long since he’d kissed a girl.
He quickly closed his eyes. Even if he was going to throw caution to the wind and make out with a warrior, this was certainly not the time or place. He could feel the man next to him breathing. Clara and Santino were probably watching the warriors instead of sleeping.
Iria’s heartbeat slowed a little as she fell asleep. Hers was stronger than anyone’s. He rolled onto his back, trying to let it lull him into sleep.
Something brushed against his arm, and he looked over to see her curled up right next him, so close her forehead tickled his skin. Her breath warmed his skin through his clothes.
He scooted a tiny bit closer to her. For warmth, he told himself.
He closed his eyes and sleep came almost immediately.
TWENTY-SEVEN
EM LIFTED HER hand to wave at the newly arrived warriors. August had requested a hundred, but only fifty arrived, with a note from the king about more joining later. Fifty was enough, for now. Aren would probably return from the north with more.
“It’s a good group they sent,” August said as the warriors spread out to erect more tents. “I think you’ll be pleased.”
Pleased wasn’t the word she would have used, but she nodded anyway.
“It’ll be good to have them since Aren left,” August said. He obviously wanted her to gush about how wonderful his warriors were.
“It will,” she said.
“Not that I mind Aren protecting my warriors during the journey. How did you convince him?”
“I didn’t. He volunteered.”
“I’ll have to thank him when he returns.”
“Sure.” Whatever Aren’s reasons for going, she knew it was not to make August happy. In fact, she suspected it was more about him getting away from Olivia.
“Are you hungry? I think our dinner is ready.”
She nodded, trying not to let out a huge sigh. August had killed a deer during the morning hunt, and he’d excitedly invited himself over to dinner. Just the two of us, he’d said. She couldn’t think of a good reason to say no.
She wasn’t ready to say anything at all to August yet. She desperately wanted to take the conversation with Ivanna as an excuse to decline his proposal immediately, but she feared he would take all of his warriors and leave. She wasn’t sure the Ruined were strong enough to stand on their own yet.
She also wasn’t sure it was smart to decline his proposal at all. Even if he did plan to dispose of her after a few years, that was a few years the Ruined could use to get back on their feet. Besides, she’d like to see him try to harm her. She’d seen him fight. He was no match for her.
Em and August walked to her apartment and found it empty except for one warrior in the kitchen. Olivia had made herself scarce, as Em had requested.
The warrior placed their plates on the table and August dismissed him. The meat and beans were better food than she’d had in weeks, and she tried not to look too enthusiastic as she ate it.
She sat back in her chair as she finished chewing the last bite. August had his head rested against his fist, a little smile on his face as he watched her. The knife she’d used to cut her meat sat on the edge of her plate. She rested one finger on the handle. She’d never been very good at knife-throwing, but August was close enough to be an easy target.
“Tell me what you want,” he said.
I want you to leave? She took a sip of water. “What do you mean?”
“What do you want for the Ruined? What do you want to accomplish? What had you originally planned to do after you left Lera and rescued Olivia?”
“I planned to go back to Ruina and rebuild our life. I wanted the Ruined to be able to live in peace, without being hunted and killed.”
“And after that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did you have plans to marry? Do you want children?”
“I’m well aware we’ll be expected to produce children,” she said, her chest tightening. She wished she’d been able to finish what she started with Cas. She could still feel his hands on her, his breath on her skin.
“That’s not what I asked. Do you want children?”
“Yes,” she said. “Not immediately, but I would very much like children.” Even little warrior children would be nice. A family.
Of course, August would be part of it. She tried not to wince.
“You?” she asked, only to be polite.
He shrugged. “Always expected of me, so I figured I would.” He screwed up his face. “They’re a bit gross when they’re young, though. I think I’ll like them better when they can talk and swing a sword.”
He sounded like he’d be the sort of parent Em’s father was. He’d been nice enough, but always seemed confused as to what to do with his children. Em could barely remember any conversations of importance with her father, because he so often avoided being alone with her and Olivia.
“Who were you going to marry if I didn’t show up?” August asked suddenly.
She looked at him in confusion. “What?”
“As the eldest queen, you must have been expected to marry soon. Did you have anyone in mind?”
“No. Marriage wasn’t the highest priority. We’re in the middle of a war.”
“I was just wondering …” He turned his water glass around in his hands. “You and Aren are like brother and sister. There aren’t that many other eligible Ruined men. Maybe it’s good I showed up.” He chuckled like he was joking, but Em caught his meaning. She was supposed to be grateful he was willing to marry her.
She was feeling a strong emotion at the moment, but she was pretty sure it wasn’t gratitude.
The door banged open and Olivia jumped inside, spreading her arms wide. “I’m here! Run for your lives!”