It was fucking intense. It was fucking everything.
I’m a fucking drunk-ass mess. I duck my head so she can’t see my face as I squeeze back the moisture in my eyes. I’m on top of her. My dick is still inside her and all I can think about is doing it again. I shouldn’t want that. I shouldn’t want to finish taking off her clothes to take my time to fuck her properly. I shouldn’t be thinking about anything but the feel of her under me and her breasts pressing against my chest. And I definitely shouldn’t feel guilty.
I can’t move. I don’t want to. I can’t face what she might be thinking and feeling about what we just did. What if she regrets it? What if she thinks I regret it? I didn’t mean for it to happen. This wasn’t why I came over here tonight. Oh, God, what if she hates me.
Oh, shit.
Oh, fucking shit.
No condom. Fuuuucckkk. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I try to pull out of her, but she’s got her hands clamped to my ass.
“Vera, let me go.”
“No regrets.”
I shake my head. I still can’t look at her.
“I mean it, Beau. Don’t you fucking regret this or feel guilty about it.”
“I don’t.”
“Look at me when you say that.”
I raise my head and blink down at her. “We didn’t use a condom.”
“Oh, shit. It’s okay.”
“No. It really isn’t.”
“I’m clean and I can’t get pregnant, if that’s what this is all about.”
She releases her grip on me and I slide out of her and move to the side so I’m not crushing her.
“Well, yeah,” I tell her. “It’s pretty much all it’s about.”
“I thought you might be wishing it didn’t happen.”
I can’t honestly say I don’t.
She sighs and pushes at me to get me off her. Rolling onto my back, I throw my arm across my eyes. I can’t face her yet. I’m a fucking coward, I know. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to crawl in bed and sleep off my drunk. In the morning I’ll figure everything out.
She slaps my bare leg. “Get out.”
It takes me a moment to get my elbows under me so I can sit up. “What?”
“You heard me.” She points at the door. “Get out.”
Somewhere along the way she stripped off the rest of her clothing and she’s standing in front of me totally naked. If I had any leftover drunken thoughts about regret, they strolled straight out of my head.
“What? Why?”
“I don’t want you here.”
I manage to get into a sitting position and stare down at myself. My shirt is hooked around my arms across my back and my jeans hang around my ankles. I wiggle out of my shirt and push my shoes and jeans off with my feet.
“What are you doing?” She stands over me with her hands on her hips.
I hold my arms out to her. “Come here.”
“No.” She’s eyeing me like that no might turn into a yes.
“Come sleep with me.”
“I told you to get the fuck out.”
“I know you did. Please. Come here.”
She moves forward until her knees hit mine. I wrap my arms around her, pressing my face against her breasts. She smells better naked. Her skin is soft. She’s soft. Her breasts are full and round, and they mash my nose as she holds my head against her.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I’m shit at this. I don’t…It’s been a long time for me.”
She strokes my hair. “It’s been a long time for me too. Pretty much never.”
I don’t know what she means by that.
She pulls away and grips my face so I have to look at her. “You can’t do that avoidance shit with me. Got it? You don’t have a single fucking clue how this was for me. Don’t take it away from me with your guilt and regret. Let me have this. Okay?”
I don’t know what she means by that either. I can’t read the expression on her face. It’s kind of like the look she got that night at the diner, only not so hard and angry. Whatever she’s thinking about is not in this room. It’s somewhere else.
“Yeah. Okay,” I agree.
Her kiss has me reaching for her and bringing her down on top of me. God, the feel of her. She straddles my hips, her pussy pressing against my dick. I’m already getting hard again. Her breasts bounce as she leverages herself over me. I take one in each hand, running my thumbs over her nipples, marveling at how they stiffen and the little sound she makes in the back of her throat.
“It’s just you and me here tonight. Promise me.”
I nod. “Just you and me.”
“We don’t have a past or a future. Only now.”
“Only now.”