“Then what do you need?” He stared at me. “Because I’ll give whatever you want. I would give my life if you asked it of me.”
I stepped away. “No. Don’t say that, Les. I have so much blood on my hands, and I don’t want yours added to it.”
He reached through the bars and captured my fingers, though I tried to pull free. “They look clean to me. You take too much on yourself. Your Family’s death is not your fault. My injury is not your fault. The way I live my life is not your responsibility. Killing the Da Vias, you don’t have to be responsible for that either. You can let it all go, Lea.”
“Let it go? After all I’ve been through?”
“Because of all you’ve been through! Don’t you think you’ve suffered enough? Whatever debt you feel you owe, it’s been repaid. Leave the rest for the gods to sort out.”
“But that’s just it,” I said quietly. “I am Safraella’s mortal hands in this world. If I don’t do this, no one else will.”
He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the bars, pulling my hands to his lips. He kissed them, and everything in my body coiled and curled until I felt dizzy, until I felt like I’d never find my breath again.
“Then I will come with you,” he said. “And you can’t stop me. I will follow you no matter where you go.”
Maybe it really was that easy. Maybe it simply came down to accepting his help, truly accepting it and not just deciding to use him for my own ends. Accepting him. If he could allow me to make my own decisions regarding my life, to take on the Da Vias even if it led to my death, then I had to let him do with his as he wished. I had no right to stop him, just as he had no right to stop me.
I nodded and leaned my head on the bars below his, clutching his hands tightly. “All right.”
All my worry and stress melted out of me. Whatever happened, happened. I didn’t have to keep Les safe. I simply had to deal with the Da Vias. Everything else was out of my hands. And it would be nice to have someone firmly on my side again. With Les, the loneliness that had plagued me since my Family’s murder drifted away, set free on the night air.
From down the hall the gate unlocked, a familiar whistle echoing through the stone cells.
“It’s Lefevre,” I whispered. “You have to go!”
“I won’t leave you here.”
“Then don’t. Just hide outside until he’s gone. I don’t plan on staying, but there’s no sense in you fighting him.”
He looked about to argue.
“Les,” I hissed, jerking my hands away. “If you’re going to help me with the Da Vias, then you have to defer to my expertise. Starting with this.”
He frowned, but nodded. He jumped and grabbed onto the windowsill and pulled himself through the window, closing it behind him as the gate opened.
I ran to my bed and lay down.
Lefevre stopped outside my cell and knocked on the bars. “Lea. It seems you have yourself a visitor.”
A visitor. Who would visit me? I sat up and peered out of my cell.
A shiver ran up my spine, and I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped my lips.
Val.
thirty-one
HE WORE HIS FAVORITE GRAY LEATHER VEST AND matching boots. His shirt and pants were navy blue with gold trim. His smile, when he saw me, rivaled the diamonds that sparkled in his ears.
“Lea,” he breathed. His voice made me tremble. “I knew it.”
I’d forgotten how beautiful Val was. I’d forgotten the richness of his cologne and the thrill that ran through me when his eyes reached mine.
But I hadn’t forgotten my Family. And I hadn’t forgotten Rafeo, dead in the tunnel.
I turned my back on him and sat on my bed. My hands shook. I clasped them together. Why was he here? And why did my traitorous heart skip when I remembered his low, throaty chuckle and the feel of his lips on mine? There couldn’t be room left in my heart for Val. There just couldn’t. Not after everything.
Val gestured for Lefevre to open my cell and let him in. Lefevre complied, locking it again before he left us alone.
“You cut your hair.” Val examined my face. “It looks nice.”
“It wasn’t meant to look nice,” I snapped to hide the quaver in my voice. “It was meant to remind me I would never be the same.” Tears welled in my eyes. I rubbed my face, trying to hide them from Val. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I didn’t want him to think he had any effect on me, even though I could almost taste him on the air, feel his hands on my skin again. “Why are you here?”
“I came looking for you. Well, Rafeo, actually. Me and some others. But then I found that flower in the monastery, the one I’d left for you to find later, and I . . . I hoped it meant it was you who had survived. That the Addamos had gotten it wrong. Did you get my letter? I sent you a letter. You probably didn’t get it.”