“Yeah,” She reached for her cigarette and took a drag, then placed it back down. “It was a way for me to get a little extra cash. One night, there was a robbery. It was just me and Big. You probably don’t remember Big. He was a bartender there, had been there for years. Big guy, a teddy bear. Anyway, these fuckers came in and they asked me to open the safe. I freaked out. I started screaming. I told them I didn’t have the combination to the safe, and I didn’t. Why would I?” She shrugged. “They didn’t believe me. One of the guys pistol slapped me because he said I was screaming so much. He then jammed the pistol in my mouth and threatened to shoot. He made like he was going to pull the trigger.” Mom’s leg swung harder and faster and her eyes glossed over. “Big jumped up to help me and they shot him in the head, right in front of me.” Perry and Aiden locked eyes. “I lay there, with Big dyin’ in my arms while they ransacked the place. One of ’em kept a gun to my head.
“By the time they left, I knew Big was dead. I closed his eyes; his blood was all over me… he had a pregnant wife and kids. I wasn’t the same after that. A few years before that, your grandmother died. You know how close she and I were. I have had a string of bad luck, boys… But you’re not boys, you’re men. You grew up without me.” She sniffed and ran the back of her hand across her wet eyes. “A lot of things have happened in my life, some I have no plans of telling. It wouldn’t serve any purpose, but I chose to tell you about the robbery because that’s when I hit my lowest low. They never caught the guys and I always felt like his family blamed me. I blamed me, too. I felt like it was my fault that Big was dead.”
“But that wasn’t your fault, Mom,” Perry spoke softly.
“It sure seemed like it though. I carried that guilt for a long, long time. Maybe if I could have just stopped screaming… maybe if I had known the safe combination… maybe if as soon as I saw them I got us both outta there instead of waiting for them to get closer to see who they were. Well, that’s when my drinking went from casual to habitual. I needed that alcohol. I needed it like we need air to breathe. I couldn’t function without it. I was having nightmares. I kept seeing him being shot in the head over and over again. I wasn’t a perfect mom, but I had tried my best up until that point. After that, I ain’t even feel like trying anymore.” Aiden reached for his mother’s hand and squeezed it. Perry grabbed the other and did the same. The three of them sat there, quiet, while Mom shed silent tears. “My bad choices showed in men, too. I was tryna fill a void all my life. My daddy died when I was just a little baby. I think I was always looking for someone to take care of me… someone to be human in a world filled with cruelty.”
“Mom, you actually hit on something I’ve been wondering.” She turned in his direction, her cheeks stained with black mascara streaks.
“What?”
“Remember our fight outside my job? I brought up Perry and my father. Let’s settle this. I want you to tell us all you know about our fathers, even if you think it’s something small or not important.”
She looked at him long and hard, then got up from her seat and disappeared into what he presumed was her bedroom. She returned with a large photo album and set it down on the table.
“Aiden, your father, Gregory, is right here.”
She turned the book in his direction and his heart thumped hard in his chest. All of these years he’d asked if she had any photos of the man, and she’d always said ‘no.’ He wanted to throw those lies in her face, make her answer ‘Why?’ but he swallowed the anger and simply listened.
Mom smiled as she looked down at the faded picture of the man in a black leather vest, resting against a big Harley Davidson. His long hair flowed over his shoulders and he had a thick mustache and a sneaky smirk. “This is us when I was pregnant with you.” He couldn’t help but smile at the photo of Mom’s rounded belly in a red dress. The man had his hand affectionately placed on her stomach. They looked happy… They looked in love.
“What happened between the two of you? The real story.”
“I guess he just didn’t want to be tied down any longer, Aiden. One day I came back to our apartment and all his shit was gone. I finally tracked him down, but he treated me like some girl he barely knew. Just like I told you before, I told him when I had you. He saw you one time, held you, then that was it.” She slammed the photo album shut, a special pain bleeding in her tone and the way she closed that book.
“What about me?” Perry’s voice broke through like one of the tiny fractures on the wall. “What about my father?” Mom turned and looked at him, then shook her head. He turned away, and his little brother’s pain instantaneously filled the room. Mom didn’t know who Perry’s father was. She’d told them that many times, but as she sat here stone sober, Aiden supposed that maybe, just maybe, she’d have something new to say.
“Perry, I’m sorry. I was dating a lot when I got pregnant with you… sleepin’ around.” She swallowed. “I have no idea who your father is. I meant that when I’d said it. Some of the guys I didn’t even know.”
Perry nodded in understanding, but he knew his brother didn’t actually understand. For a moment, he’d probably entertained a sliver of hope, but that flame died out as quickly as it was lit.
“Mom, I want to try and find my biological father, Greg. I looked him up online, but I have no idea if any of the profiles I saw were him or not. Do you know anything about where he might be?” After a long hesitation, she opened the photo album back up, pulled out the picture of the man on the motorcycle, and handed to him. A dark, rectangular frame remained on the album in its stead.
“There you go. I think I told you everything I could… I have no idea where he is, Aiden. He could be living right under our noses, clear across the world, or dead. Use this picture. Maybe it will help you.”
He looked at the photo, blinked a few times, and swallowed his anguish as he put it in his jacket pocket. Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his again. Perry wiped his eye, and took her other hand, too.
“We’re proud of you, Mom,” Perry uttered. His voice was choppy, wrought with agony. “Get healthy so we can be a family again.” Mom began to cry loud this time, nodding and breaking down, letting all the pain out.
For the first time in a long time, Aiden believed his mother was embarrassed of some of the things she’d done… downright ashamed.
“Mom, I don’t have a father and I accept that that’ll never change, but I have you, my girlfriend, my friends and Aiden,” Perry said. “I’ll be all right… Isn’t that right, Aiden? It’s only been us three since day one. We’re a strong bunch. Some things I may just never know. And you know what? Maybe it was just meant to be…”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
A Wedding, A Honeymoon, A Buffoon and A Monsoon
Three and a half months later…
The Hyatt Regency Lake Washington proved to be the perfect venue for their wedding and reception. The elegant waterfront view was simply breathtaking. They had the place decorated in ivory and gold, with no detail spared. Addison was floating on cloud 9, so elated that when her father walked her down the aisle, she burst out in giggles several times. She was certain many probably thought she was intoxicated, but it was simply pure joy.