People immediately broke out into groups, clapping and laughing as they spanned across the fire in a familiar folk dance. Most of the apprentices watched but a couple joined in. Alex wasted no time taking Ella's hand, and as I watched the two of them spin I felt a hot wave of jealousy sweep over me. I wanted to dance. I wanted to be swept up in the long desert night, sending a farewell to the fallen and embracing the living.
I looked one more time to Darren. The prince was emotionless, numb. I thought back to that night two days ago, under the shade of the palms. What had he started to say? "If things were different." They would never be different. Knives stabbed at my chest as I watched Priscilla embrace him, giving him a long kiss on the mouth and wrapping her arms around his neck while he stared into space. She was beautiful, rich, and he was hers. Not mine. Darren would never be mine.
I looked to the other side of the circle. Ian sat next to Lynn, listening patiently as my mentor chattered away. He was smiling – but the smile never reached his eyes. Something was missing. Was it me?
He wanted me. I knew it. He had almost kissed me in that canyon, and I had seen the way he looked at me that night in the Academy halls. "If you really want Ian, you will find a way. It's an easy thing to want someone – it's another to love them."
Ella was right. Ian was right. I needed to make a choice now: the cold, distant prince or the laughing friend. And once I chose I needed to fight for it. I would never win the former, and maybe not even the latter… But I could try.
Picking up the hem of my trailing orange and gold-beaded skirts, I stood, brushing the dust out of my loose red hair as I walked across the sand. I stopped when I was in front of Ian, suddenly nervous and not at all myself.
"Dance with me."
Lynn stopped talking to stare at me. My mentor had confusion and outrage written across her face. I felt horrible. I should stop. She didn't deserve this.
But I had said I would fight. I was tired of wanting something I couldn't have. There was someone I could have, maybe, but in order to know that I would have to try. Even if that meant hurting someone else.
I remained stubbornly still, ignoring Lynn as I smiled down at Ian.
The curly-haired third-year studied me – a question in his eyes. I could see the fear, half-hidden between flecks of gold. A small grin tugged at the side of his mouth. Then the laugh lines took over and he was smiling wide, mumbling an apology to my mentor as he led me to the floor.
"I don't really know how to dance," I muttered as he placed one hand on my waist and lifted my arm with the other.
"Then why did you ask me?" His eyes caught mine and held them.
"Because I never want you to dance with anyone else."
The music started up again. A wonderful tune, full of stomping beats and carefree whirls. Ian abruptly spun me, and the two of us launched into a makeshift dance with the rest of the crowd. I was reminded of that night we met at the Academy ball – the night he had made me feel like flying.
My dress shimmered as I spun, the beads reflecting the light of the fire and creating a heady rush of glitter while I slipped in and out of his arms. I couldn't stop laughing and Ian's eyes were two embers aglow. My cheeks burned with the fervent rush of the dance and I found myself unable to stop, trapped in an endless feeling of right.
Nothing had ever felt as sure as when Ian caught me and slipped, the two of almost falling to the ground in a dizzy rush. He barely pulled us up before we returned to the floor, the two of us unable to keep the silly grins off our faces as we spun around the campfire light.
"Are you really mine?" he whispered. His mouth was close to my ear.
"You were all I ever wanted."
He chuckled and dipped me, spinning me around once more. And again. And again until I was a twirling mess of color and gleam.
Then he caught me.
Two green eyes locked on my own and I was unable to breath.
My heart caught in my ribs, a frantic beating in my chest. I was falling, flying, safe.
It was the best night of my life.
****
The next couple of months passed in the blink of an eye. No sooner had we arrived in Ishir we were called back into the desert. Each time we returned to the outpost we were summoned for another patrol. Thankfully, these ones were a lot less difficult than the first.
Eventually we reached the end of our term and headed out to Devon for the yearly ascension ceremony. It was time for the fifth-year apprentices to become mages.
For Alex and I, this was the first time we would see the capitol and its infamous palace. Everyone always said it was more stunning than the Academy, but I had always found that hard to imagine. Especially after spending two months in its grand chambers as an apprentice.
But the others weren't lying.
"No. There is no way that can be the palace." My jaw dropped as I stared out into the distance.
"Really, Ry, you act like you've never heard anything about it."
"But it's just so huge-"
"I told you that.
"And high-"
"Again, I-"
"And high!"