I should have known he wasn't going to apologize. The tightening in my chest deflated, just a little.
"-And while I know I was right, I still find myself thinking I was wrong. Because of you, Ryiah." His gaze fell away and he was staring at the back of his hands. "I hurt you by hurting him, and for that I'm sorry."
My jaw dropped.
"You want to know something ironic?" Darren's lips were twisted in a grimace. "Until you, I'd never really had a friend. Not really."
"But Priscilla and the others-"
"Priscilla? Our lives are forever bound because of her parent's wealth and the fact that my father covets it. I understand her, but I don't respect her. Most of the highborns are like that." He laughed, but it was bitter. "Eve is different. Her father is the commander of the Crown's Army and we grew up to similar expectations. We aren't close, but…" Darren exhaled slowly. "But I'm close to you. Or I want to be, but I keep making a mess of things every time I'm around you. I respect you, Ryiah. I told you last year you were the one good thing about the Academy and I meant it. You aren't like anyone else here, or any person I've ever met. You've overcome so much and yet at the end of it you are still kind. You still care." He ran a fist up his jaw and through his hair. "I'm not like you. I've never cared about keeping relationships or sparing people's feelings. All I've ever cared about is power: how to get it, and how to keep it. I told you as much when we met."
"Darren," I said softly, "you don't have to explain yourself."
"But I do." His jaw clenched. "See, Ryiah, I didn't care that Ian was your friend. I knew what I was suggesting. I knew it would make things difficult for you and I'd be lying if I said there wasn't more than one motivation in mind. Even after you did it I was happy. We'd won. I'd got what I wanted."
Darren's eyes locked on mine. "I was fine right up until you stopped talking to me. All of sudden I cared what someone thought of me. Because we are friends. And making you miserable and angry makes me miserable and angry. I don't want to be the person to make you mad or cry, Ryiah. I want to make you laugh. I want you to make me laugh, because gods know you are the only one who can. So, yes, I am sorry, I am sorry because even if I was right, I was also wrong. And I'd rather lose a silly battle than your friendship."
"It would take more than that to lose me." It was the only thing I could think to say. I'd never seen this side of Darren before. For all the time I'd known him he had kept his feelings bottled up under a layer of sarcasm and wit. I'd never heard him speak so openly. I knew I cared for him – probably more than I would ever admit - but to hear what I meant to him – even if it wasn't what I wished - still touched me.
His eyes flared in the shadows. "Do you really mean that?"
I nodded and then bent down to adjust a bootstrap, more to busy my hands than anything else. When I finally straightened I saw Darren watching me, a strange expression on his face.
It made my blood pound loudly in my ears. I bit down on my lip, hard. My eyes were glued to his and I was hit with an overwhelming desire to close the distance between us, to reach out and take his hand in mine…
"You still have feelings for the prince."
"It's Ian that I want."
Was it? Was it really?
"Ryiah." Darren suddenly dropped my gaze, looking anywhere but my face. "If things were… If they were different-"
"Help! Help!" The silence was broken by screams coming from the other side of camp. Darren and I immediately broke into a run.
We caught up to the rest of our faction to find several Mahj soldiers retreating from the northern trail, large burn marks up and down their arms. And blood. Lots of blood. It was pouring down their faces, chests, legs, everywhere.
I immediately felt sick.
"The raiders," one of the men wheezed, "they have magic!"
"O-only ten of them," a woman soldier coughed. "But too much power! And t-too many!"
"Where's Master Byron?" Caine's cold voice rang out clearly. "We have to help!"
"He's with the Ishir regiment." Darren took a step forward. "They needed help recovering the southern mines."
"I-it's not the southern ones the raiders are a-attacking now!" another soldier choked. "We can't hold them off – not without mages of our own! We can't wait for reinforcements and they are destroying our mines!"
"Then we will help you." Darren spoke decisively.
"Thank you." The man collapsed to the ground.
****