“Kelly O’Connor?” Madeleine asks behind me, clearly in shock.
I try to set my hand on the window sill, miss, and hit my forehead on the window. Kelly looks up, startled, and I jump away from the window.
“What the hell is she doing here?!”
Kelly O’Connor. KELLY. O’CONNOR. First grade teacher. Chairman of the Hamilton Pumpkin Patch Festival. Beautiful. Sparkly. Has no enemies.
I need to have a word with my mother.
Fortunately, she’s in the kitchen pouring chips into a bowl. I corner her against the counter.
“Kelly O’Connor? Seriously?!”
She spins around, beaming. “Oh perfect, has she arrived?”
The bell rings, and I hear Madeleine go to greet her.
“What were you thinking inviting her? I can’t stand Kelly.”
“Oh c’mon, Kelly isn’t so bad.”
“She insisted on playing the baby Jesus in the church nativity play until she was thirteen. Even worse, everyone was happy to give her the part because she was so angelic. Am I seriously the only one in town that thought braces on the Lamb of God was a bit of a stretch?”
My mom laughs. “Well I thought she did a fine job as Jesus, and anyway, I didn’t invite her for you.”
It dawns on me like a slap in the face: my mom invited Kelly for Lucas.
If she hadn’t birthed me, I would have murdered her right then.
I can’t breathe. My dress was flirty, but now it’s just constricting. I want to tear it off and expand my lungs to max capacity.
“Uninvite her,” I demand. “Tell her there’s been a death in the family.”
In fact, there might be.
“She’s in our living room, Daisy.”
I squeeze my eyes closed and try to think. Kelly is as dumb as a doorknob. Maybe I could tell her the first game is hide-and-seek and convince her to hide in a bush for six hours. You’re the best at this game, Kelly. That’s right, just curl right up, like you’re in a manger half your size.
“I’m confused. What exactly are you upset about?”
“You’re trying to set him up with someone.”
“And why does that upset you?”
“Because I want Lucas alone! Sad and miserable and defeated.”
“Daisy…”
“Fine. Whatever. I just don’t see him with Kelly. They’re nothing alike.”
“Oh? So who do you think I should have set him up with instead?”
“How about you try to, I don’t know, set up your single daughter? It’s not like I have guys banging down my door now that I’m home!”
A knock on our door comes a second later.
Knock-knock. Knuh-knock-knock. It’s a chipper little song, which means it’s not Lucas.
My mom is giddy. “That must be Patrick!”
Patrick? Who is Pat—
“Patrick Brubacher?!” I hiss as she slithers out of my weak hold. I’m so caught off guard that she slips right around me and into the living room. She completely ignores my question, but it doesn’t matter. I hear Patrick’s voice as soon as Madeleine lets him in.
Patrick is the male equivalent of Kelly O’Connor: weak, blond, blandly handsome, like a well-built shoe. He’s a veterinarian who once rescued a dog from a well and nursed him back to health. You’ve seen the photo collages: day 1, the dog looks like a goner; day 30, he’s wearing a spiffy red bandana and smiling alongside his new owner. Patrick is that owner.
“Daisy Bell? Goodness, is that you?”
Naturally, Patrick is delighted to see me. He’s never felt an emotion other than delight.
I let him hug me and I smell his cologne. It’s good. He’s tall and his blond hair is cut short. His smile is his most prominent feature and I think that’s fitting. Kelly stands behind him, waiting to get to me.
“Hi Kelly,” I offer, immediately wishing I could try again with a bit more enthusiasm.
She doesn’t notice though. How could she? She’s programmed to carry out a binary existence: be pleasant, or be dead. And she’s still breathing.
“I have to admit, it was a blast from the past when your mom invited me to a game night. It’s been ages since I’ve seen you or Lucas.”
My heart sinks. That means she agreed to come prior to seeing Lucas 2.0. The tall, hunky, man version will arrive any minute and I’m sure she’ll be pleasantly surprised. With that realization, I hate my mother even more.
I step back from Kelly and Patrick as a firm knock sounds from the front door. Madeleine answers it and I stand frozen as Lucas strides into my house with his parents and Dr. McCormick in tow. I barely register the fact that my mom has invited our boss because Lucas is wearing jeans and a cobalt blue sweater. The cobalt blue is shocking, the color of Superman’s suit. What the fuck, Lucas. What the fuck.
“Wow,” Kelly whispers under her breath, blushing like a schoolgirl. She looks to me for support and then realizes I won’t be joining her in lusting after Lucas. I’m his rival. “Oh, nevermind.”
I let everyone finish introductions while I make myself a drink in the kitchen. I don’t realize it’s a Jack and Coke until Lucas comes up behind me and plucks it out of my hand.