Once everyone is gone, it’s just Nick, Bria, and me.
“Leth go, leth go!” Bria says, bouncing up and down. We doing a walk-through of the house, making sure we don’t forget anything. I know it’s hard for Nick. He and Isabel bought this house together, and leaving it means leaving a lot of the memories of her behind. I reach out and find his hand as we walk towards the front door.
“Any last words?” I say as we stand under the threshold of the front door. Nick looks inquisitive, so I just walk away slowly and leave him to his thoughts. He needs a few minutes alone.
I’ve stopped comparing myself to Isabel. In fact, I welcome any and all thoughts and memories about her. I don’t want Nick or Bria to ever forget the memories they share with her and Matthias, so we make it a point to talk openly about memories and thoughts of them. I know I’ll never fill the same spot in Nick’s heart that she did, and I’m fine with that. I like the idea of carving my own little hole in there to burrow in.
As I glance at Nick from the passenger side of the moving truck, I know he’s saying some parting words to the house he bought with her. I know it’s sad for him. I hope it is, in a way, because I think that’s why I love him so much—because he has the capacity to love so hard. Nicholas Wilder loves things very intensely. I admire him for that.
“Wath Daddy doing?”
“He just needs a minute. He has to say good-bye.”
“To the house?”
“Yeah. Among other things.”
I pull her into my arms, and she rests her head against my shoulder. The motion causes me to ache, but I don’t want to pull away just yet, so I deal with it.
“Are you going to be my new mommy, Evi?”
My hands grip her shirt, and I pull her closer.
“You only have one mommy, Bria. I don’t intend to ever replace her, but if it’s okay with you, I’d like to try being more of a mother figure than a nanny figure. Maybe one day, I will become your stepmother. Do you understand?”
I feel her nod and look up at me.
“I’m sad you won’t be my nanny anymore,” she says quietly.
“I’m sad I won’t be your nanny anymore, too, but you know what? You’re going to have so much fun in preschool. And I will be with you every day when you’re home. We can still do all the things we did when I was your nanny, but this time, it’s not my job. I’ll do those things with you because I want to. Does that make sense?”
“Yeth.” She looks out the window. “I hope you marry Daddy.”
“I do, too,” I whisper into her ear. “I love you, Bria.”
“I love you too, Evi.”
As Nick walks back into the car, I notice his eyes are slightly wet with tears. I give him a gentle smile as the big truck starts, and I reach out my free hand to rest on his leg. He looks at me gratefully, and then we’re off.
It’s just the three of us now.
*
We get to the new house just before dinnertime, and I can’t help but want to jump up and down when I see it.
It’s perfect.
The pictures Nick sent didn’t do it justice.
It’s a cottage-style house with a white fence, and the house is painted a light yellow, and it has white trim. It’s nice, but not overtly massive. It’s a normal house. A perfect house. The inside is just as wonderful—wood floors, a new kitchen, and a fireplace. It’s the kind of place I would’ve picked out myself. The backyard is spacious, and there’s a large balcony on the second story—presumably the master bedroom—my new bedroom.