“How is she?” he asks, and he looks briefly at the bed.
“Fine. We had a fun day. I took us to lunch at the restaurant with the golf cart, we watched a movie, played on the beach, took a walk, and then I gave her a bath and she fell asleep when I was reading her a book.”
His eyes glaze over a bit, and he looks at me with wonderment.
“You are amazing, Evi.”
I shoo him into my room and close the door quietly.
“You can sleep in here. I’ll sleep with Bria tonight. I’ll just tell her that you came home late and didn’t want to wake her.”
“Okay,” he acquiesces, and he goes to pour himself a glass of wine. I raise my eyebrows. “Don’t judge me,” he adds, sipping the ruby-colored liquid. “It was a looooong day. I deserved a drink. Plus I knew I’d be coming home to…” He trails off, but his eyes scan my body candidly.
I balk at him, watching him as he stares down at his feet. He kicks off his shoes unsteadily, clutching the dresser for support.
“So you decided to get drunk?” I accuse, but I’m really just entertained.
“Yes. Easy solution.”
“Okay, then.”
I cross my arms and stare at him. He’s still looking down at his feet.
“I miss her, Evi.”
I feel my heart start to ache, and I go over to him and hug him.
“I know. I know you do. It’s okay to miss her.”
He looks up at me tenderly, and a thin sheen of sweat is accumulating on his forehead.
“But I don’t miss her like I used to. It used to hurt so much, Evi... you have no idea. Every single second ached without her. Now it’s a distant ache, and it comes and goes, but mostly, it’s gone. All of my best memories used to involve her. Now they’re fading, and new memories are being made with…” He slurs, stopping mid-speech, and I catch him before he falls over. “My memories of her are being replaced with memories of you.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I just take his glass of wine and start to sip. He looks at me, amused.
“I’ll never replace her, Nick. But I hope I can bring something positive to the table. I hope I can make you guys happy again…”
“You already have,” he says, brushing my cheek with his fingers.
“As Bria’s nanny,” I add. I don’t want to have this conversation with him right now. He’s drunk.
“It’s a good thing you’re sober, Evianna. I have no inhibitions right now. Wait,” he stops and points an accusatory finger at me. “You were supposed to be drunk.”
I laugh and shrug. “Maybe I’ve been drinking so much during the day that my tolerance is getting better.”
“Maybe,” he says through his hands. Then he looks up at me through his fingers. “Jesus, Evi. What are you doing to me?”
“Whatever it is, you’re doing it to me, too,” I say, looking away. It’s not like he’ll remember this tomorrow anyways.
He slowly walks to my bed and crawls in, even though he’s wearing all of his clothes. I walk over and get him to drink a glass of water, and then I refill it and set out some Advil for the morning.
“Good night, Nick,” I whisper, brushing his hair away from his forehead. It’s slightly wet from perspiring.
“Night, Evi,” he murmurs.
Before I know it, he’s asleep.
Thirtyfour.
Nick
I don’t think I’ve ever felt like such shit. Luckily, Evianna took Bria to breakfast and then the beach this morning, so I was able to sleep in. Evianna left me a bottle of Advil and a large bottle of water on the nightstand. I take two Advil and drink down half the bottle, and then I stand to shower.
Yesterday is fuzzy. I vaguely remember the conference, coming home… I might’ve said something inappropriate. It’s getting harder to hide my feelings. I try not to think about it too much, and I turn the shower temperature down to bring my excited body back to reality.