How his face softened when he learned that Bria had had a nightmare.
How I was so mortified and surprised at how good-looking he was.
It looks the same as last time. I walk over to the bedside table, and I spy a Dr. Seuss book and another self-help book, by the looks of it. I tilt my head to read the title. Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again after a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One, by Dr. John Gray.
What?
I back away.
I’m not supposed to be seeing this. This is definitely private. Just as I’m backing out, I glimpse a picture on Nick’s nightstand. I recognize Bria’s wide smile, and I realize it’s an old family portrait.
I’m just going to look at this one last thing.
I take a step closer, and I get my first look at Isabel.
My god, she was absolutely beautiful.
She had long, blond hair, big, blue eyes, and naturally red lips that were full and plump. Her straight, white teeth show in her smile for the camera. She looks so carefree. She’s wearing a baseball hat in the picture, and she’s holding Matthias. All four of them sit on the ground—it looks like some sort of outdoor concert or event. Nick has his arm around her, and he’s pulling her in close, as if he can’t get enough of her.
My heart pounds.
If I thought there was any chance of something between Nick and I, this picture proved that would never happen.
I’d never seen him look that happy.
Not even with me.
He would always be comparing me, and there really was no comparison.
She was stunning.
I wipe away a tear from my cheek, not because I know that Nick and I will never happen. But because he had it all and lost it. And Isabel… poor Isabel. God… here I was freaking out about Dan and Mia, and how Nick punched Dan, and how Nick’s leg touched mine last night, and how my feelings for him confuse me… and poor Isabel is dead. Nick loved her so much, and now she’s just gone. I know Nick tried to convince me otherwise, but my problems were so trivial compared to his.
This whole thing is so stupid. He lost everything. He only has Bria. My only job is to care for Bria. I have no right to feel this way about Nick.
I leave the bedroom and go straight downstairs, making sure to take the DVD box with me. If I didn’t already have plans with Bria, I would’ve left, but I do, so I stay, picking at a banana until I hear the front door open. I hear Bria’s footsteps running on the wood floor, and I stand up to greet her. She flies into me, wrapping her arms around my legs. For some reason, the gesture makes me want to cry. She’s so open to love, yet she’s lost so much.
“Hi, baby girl,” I say, bending down for another hug. “How was brunch?”
She stands back and looks at me. “Fine. Why are you sad, Evi?”
She’s perceptive.
“I’m not sad, just a little tired.”
I let myself look up at Nick, and he just looks at me blankly. Whatever emotion was there last night is gone.
She drags me upstairs before I can say anything to him, and I notice that he doesn’t follow us upstairs. I take my flats off by her door and put the DVD in, and then I crawl into bed with her, and we get all snuggled up under the covers. I’m excited to show her this movie. It’s one of my favorites.
As the movie progresses, I try not to think about Nick, but it’s impossible. I expected him to say something about last night, but he just looked at me indifferently. I hate myself for it, but I secretly wished he would watch the movie with us. I can’t help but enjoy his company.