My stomach clenches nervously every time I think of our impending trip. I don’t want to think about how Nick went from this abstract person to… the guy whose hands I stared at. The guy who made me stutter and mumble. But it happened, and the sooner I face it, the sooner I can try and reverse it.
It’s ridiculous. Really, it is. I’m only reacting this way because he is attractive. Had he been old and ugly, I would’ve continued with my day like normal. Wouldn’t I? But it was more than that, too. It was the way he looked at me on the Wheel yesterday, after suggesting we play Would You Rather. It was the way he cornered me against his car afterwards, unintentionally affecting me more than it should’ve. It was the way he came to say good night last night, and the way he made me breakfast this morning. It was the silent gestures, like getting me coffee and passing me the morning paper.
It was how much he adored Bria. That was a big one. Probably the biggest of them all.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t let my new feelings for Nick get in the way of my job. I had a very important job—to look after this little girl, to take care of her. Ogling after her father was not going to help anyone.
I know they say you can’t choose who you connect with, but I made a decision then and there, right on the floor of the fort as Bria napped beside me, that I was not going to let Nick get to me anymore. I had to put on a poker face.
And, hopefully, my feelings would just go away.
Hopefully.
Fifteen.
Nick
Evianna seems to be getting along well here, which pleases me. Bria adores her already. I’m happier when she’s around. She’s—usually—upbeat and witty, as long as we don’t talk about her ex.
So I don’t understand it when she starts to ignore and avoid me. She thinks I don’t notice, but she walks in five minutes before nine, and then I have just enough time to say good-bye to Bria and leave. It’s like this every day. I made her breakfast for a couple of days, just in case, but both days it went uneaten. So two meals went right into the trash, and I just had to assume that she was eating in the guesthouse.
And not only that, but she goes straight to her guesthouse every night, even though I always make it a point to invite her to eat dinner with us.
I hope she’s happy here. I know it probably has nothing to do with me. It’s Dan, her ex, but I can’t help but wonder if she doesn’t like me. I asked some pretty intrusive questions the last time we had a real conversation. I don’t know why I felt compelled to talk to her about her ex, but for some reason I wanted to make her feel better. She looked so broken.
And she’s really easy to talk to.
I kind of miss her… in a totally platonic way, of course.
It’s just nice to have adult conversations with someone other than Cecelia. I’m around kids all day at work, and then I come home to Bria, so I’ve started to kind of look forward to talking to Evianna.
Even if I don’t see her in person, I always make sure to text or email her good night.
Always.
Sixteen.
Evianna
My plan worked, more or less, but it involved avoiding Nick at all costs. I do stop thinking about him most of the time, but I also hardly ever see him. Luckily for me, he doesn’t take any more days off, and in the mornings I make sure to eat breakfast by myself, in my guesthouse. He is always really tired when he gets home at the end of the day, too, so that makes it easier to leave quickly.