“If the House wills.” The expected answer, so little choice in giving it that it meant the same as Shara’s wordless singing.
“I’ll need help.” Shara dropped Grace’s left arm and picked up her right. The knife slid in just before the cluster of small bones in the wrist. “There will be more sacrifices, a stronger House.”
Grace’s gorge rose, and she bit hard at the inside of her mouth, forcing her lips together. She could not speak, could not react, did not have the option of screaming her rejection, of vomiting her sickness at the thought.
“There is power to be found here.” Shara finished her work and cleaned Grace’s blood from her knife. “Consider what I offer. That will be all.”
On her way back to her room, Grace stopped before the House’s doors. She held her hands up—almost, almost touching them. Soon, she promised herself. Soon.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Sydney sat next to Laurent at his kitchen table. “Like I told you before, when you first started doing magic, before you were part of the Unseen World, before they got you in school and changed what you did, you were relying only on your own power, not what came from Shadows. Which means you can learn to go back to that.”
Laurent drummed his fingers on the table. “Good. I mean, I’d miss having magic, you know? I don’t know if I’d even remember how to be a person without it. But I won’t use something that comes from hurting people. I can’t, not and live with myself.”
She nodded. “The first thing I’m going to teach you to do is break yourself of the habits that the Unseen World taught you. Think back—what’s the first thing you do when you’re setting up a spell?”
“It depends on the spell, really. Sometimes it’s knowing the words, and sometimes you build in gestures, or there are pieces that you can set up in advance—”
She cut him off. “I don’t mean that. I mean the very first thing, the thing that’s no different from spell to spell.”
“Oh, you mean the focus,” Laurent said. “I don’t even think about that anymore. It’s like breathing.”
“Then yes,” Sydney said. “That’s exactly what I mean. That’s what you need to get rid of. How did they teach it to you?”
Laurent tipped back in his chair, eyes half-closed. “This takes me back. Freshman year. Ms. Elizabeth Dee’s Elements of Magic class. I was in there with a bunch of really little kids—I was an outsider, so I had to learn the basics way after I would have if I’d been born here. It was annoying because I was with these, like, kindergarteners, but it was also kind of cool because Ms. Dee was cute, and she let me borrow her comics. There was this whole series about magic keys. . . .” He trailed off.
Sydney looked deeply amused.
“Moving back from that tangent down memory lane before I fully embarrass myself, she said that it should feel like reaching for a connection. I was supposed to imagine that I was stretching out my hand, and then someone else, someone strong, holds it. I could pull as much strength as I want through that other hand as long as I was holding it.
“Grey used to give me such shit about it, because when I was first learning, my left hand would do this straight-fingered jazz-hands sort of deal at my side whenever I was starting a spell.”
“Okay.” Sydney nodded. “That’s good. We can work with that. We’ll start with relearning some spells that don’t require any hand gestures. Stand up and put your hands in your pockets.”
Laurent did.
“Pick a spell that’s easy for you and not likely to burn down your apartment if you do it wrong.”
Laurent nodded. “Levitation. I’ll use the oranges in the bowl.”
“Good. Now, think only about that spell. Not the focus. Don’t reach your hands for anything. And cast.”
She could see him tremble, see him fight to keep his hands in his pockets, not to reach out for magic that should never have been his.
Laurent spoke the words of the spell, and one orange rolled from the bowl and landed on the table. He watched it in silence until it stopped moving. “Wow. I mean, really, wow. With power like that, I can’t believe I didn’t try to represent myself. Float cars—hell no. I can roll oranges.”
“I know,” she said. “Everything is weak and awkward right now, but those things will both improve—it’s not an indication of weakness inherent in your magic; it’s just part of the process of relearning. And you did it. You cast your own magic without reaching out for what comes from Shadows. How do you feel?”
“Like I have a headache coming on, but nothing bad.” He rolled his head from shoulder to shoulder, shook out his hands.
“Okay. Let’s keep trying.”
By the end of an hour sweat dampened Laurent’s hairline and his shirt. By the end of two hours he was shaking. “And the headache is full-blown.”
But also, by the end of those two hours he could reliably levitate an orange out of the bowl. He could control the height it rose to and set it gently back down again. He could do all of these things without reaching for the magic from Shadows.
Sydney filled a glass with water, handed it to him. “I know it seems frustrating. Like you’ve taken a huge step back and only baby steps forward. But you are doing great. And it will get easier every time.
“It means a lot to me, the most, that you’re doing this. Thank you.”
“I’ll keep practicing on my own. Now that I know it’s about not reaching for the focus, I can keep this up. Try different spells,” Laurent said. “It’s kind of a good feeling, headache aside, to know that I’m doing this completely under my own power.”
“Talk to Ian, maybe,” Sydney said. “He relearned his magic too—he might have better advice than I do, since he knows what both versions feel like.”
“Thanks. I will.” He picked up his phone to enter the note in his calendar, then clicked his other notifications. He stared at the email he’d just opened. Refreshed the screen. Read it again, because surely it had to be a joke, or at the least a mistake. “You’re not going to believe this.”
“Oh, I bet I will,” she said. “There’s been a challenge. I’m surprised it took this long.”
“You’re right, but how is that even possible? I mean, honestly, if it were me, I’d want to stay as far away from you as possible. Before all that shit happened, it was clear Ian was toast, and it’s not like anyone sees him as a pushover,” he said.
“Fortune’s Wheel keeps turning.” She paused. “If anything, you’re likely to get more challenges than otherwise, now that I’ve stepped into things at Prospero. Word is out that I came from Shadows, which makes exactly no one comfortable. The people who didn’t like Miranda will consider whether they can hurt her by coming after me, which may mean that they come after me through you. I won’t hold you to the contract, if you want to terminate it.” It would be tricky, this late in the process, but there were circumstances—misrepresentation, malfeasance—that would allow Laurent to get out of his contract with her and maintain his status in the Turning.