Max swallowed. Whatever was whirling through him damn sure felt like it. “I think so,” he said quietly.
It was strange, though. When he’d fallen in love with Lizzie, it was like being hit across the head with a sledgehammer; he’d known it from minute one. This feeling with Grace, however, was more subtle, less obtrusive, less flash-bang, and more like a gentle tingle that covered his entire body and warmed him from the inside out, as though, over time, she’d snuck quietly, carefully, and planted herself into all the dark, barren parts that Max hid for fear of being hurt all over again. It was an altogether satisfying feeling that, until that moment, Max hadn’t realized he’d wanted.
“I . . . I miss her,” he admitted. “Shit, I can’t stop thinking about her and when Lizzie kissed me all I thought about was Grace and how I wanted it to be her.”
“What the fuck?” Riley exclaimed at the same time Carter shouted, “Lizzie kissed you?”
Max groaned, flailing and lifting his arms to the heavens. “Focus, guys. Jesus!”
Carter held his hands up in an effort to calm himself and Riley, who suddenly looked murderous. “Fine. Fine,” Carter said, rubbing his hands across his head.
Max sat forward, his hands dropping between his knees. “I just . . . the thing that keeps coming back to me is, what can I really offer her?” He looked up at his friends. “I mean, how do I know if I can even give her what she wants? If I’m still what she wants.” He thought back to the horrible things he’d said to her the day he left and cupped his hands to his face. “Fuck.”
Carter sat back and cleared his throat. “Tell me somethin’, when you were together, doin’ your thing, did she ever say how she felt or tell you what she wanted?”
Max smiled toward the floor and nodded. “She said all she wanted to do was love me.”
Riley shrugged. “Then let her. That’s a gift right there, man.”
“I want to,” Max agreed. “I do.”
Carter shifted again, moving closer to the edge of the couch. “I know you think you’ve nothing to offer anyone, Max, but trust me, you do. If this year has proved anything, it’s that you’re a strong son of a bitch who can get through just about anything.”
Max’s chest warmed. “But a relationship?”
Carter lifted a shoulder. “Why does it have to be called that? No labels, huh? Just talk to her and see what you both feel. Take it a step at a time.”
Max’s stare drifted back to his cell. “I have to find her first.”
He sat back dejectedly at the same time Riley stood. “Then what the fuck are you still sitting there for?” he asked before slapping Max on the shoulder. “Let’s go get your running girl.”
That afternoon, Max, Riley, and Carter scoured the phone book and the Internet, trying to track down Grace’s brother’s club. It was the only lead Max had. It took nearly two hours of searching, the name Kai and DC being the only things they had to go on. Once they had four possible addresses, the three of them piled into Riley’s Jeep and headed out. Max had to admit, the whole thing was kind of exciting. The thought of seeing Grace again was as terrifying as it was exhilarating, and Max spent the majority of the car ride going over in his mind just what he intended to say to her.
The first club they arrived at was boarded up, and had been for a while from the looks of the graffiti sprayed across the brickwork. Determined, they reached the second club by the early evening. Kai’s name on the owner plate was clear above the door of the place, filling Max with a ball of nervous energy so large he all but barged his way in. Nevertheless, all they found was a sassy woman with an incredible Afro and bright red lips behind the bar who, once she’d divulged that Kai was in New York, and upon hearing who it was they were also looking for, told them they had to leave before she had them thrown out by security. That was pretty much all the confirmation Max needed to realize that the woman knew Grace, but what more could he do? Even Riley couldn’t seem to coax anything from her despite his wide smile and charm.
Undeterred, Max left his cell number and a note to Grace asking her to call along with the silent hope that the woman would pass it on, and tried like hell not to let Carter and Riley see the disappointment that tensed his shoulders and squeezed his heart.