She walked in, her expression set. Her hair was still pinned high, but she had shed the golden costume. Like him, she wore black—black riding boots, trousers, quilted vest. Even her gloves and cloak were black.
She tore off her gloves and slapped them on the table. “You were going to leave, just like that—with no goodbye?” Her gaze fell on his pen and paper, and her mouth took on a bitter twist. “Well, maybe a note. Wulf, it’s going to be a long time before I forgive you for that.”
Gods, he needed to kiss her, and kiss her. To tear off her clothes and make love to her with all the anguished hunger in his heart until it wrecked them both.
Spinning away, he ran his hands through his hair. “I was going to talk to you tonight.”
“At the Masque.”
“Yes, but I should have realized how inundated you would be by everyone. So yes, I was going to write you a letter.”
“Asshole,” she whispered unsteadily.
When he looked over his shoulder, she had tears in her eyes and she looked so betrayed it felt like he took a knife to the chest.
Good. Let her feel betrayed. That might put a quicker end to this torture.
“I love you,” he said.
“I know you do!” she snapped. “So what? I love you too, and I would never leave you like this!”
The distance between them grew intolerable. Striding over to her, he gripped her arms and said fiercely into her face, “I love you, and I’m in a war that has only just begun, and this camp? Lily, this camp is the best you will ever see it. It smells clean, doesn’t it? It smells fresh, because everything is frozen. Over the next few years, there’s going to be more mud and blood, and danger and stink, than you can possibly imagine, and the battles are going to be brutal and gut-wrenching. Meanwhile, you have an amazing home filled with a richness of history that you love passionately, and a people who adore you. You have a place, and a function, and your hearth is here.”
As he spoke, the tears in her eyes spilled over and slipped down her face. “Yes, I do,” she said. “I love this place passionately. That’s why I’ve been grooming Margot as prime minister for the past six months—because I wanted to leave the abbey and Calles in the best, most capable hands when I left.”
Stricken, he whispered, “Lily, what are you saying?”
She slapped his chest and cried, “I’m saying you don’t get to take my choices away from me, and I choose you, Wulf! I choose you, and not over Guerlan. Over my home.”
The enormity of that silenced him.
Then he said simply, “You can walk away from the abbey, just like that?”
“Not quite just like that.” The light threw deep shadows under her eyes. “I was up all night, but… yes.”
“My gods, love, that’s so much for you to sacrifice.” Her shining hair was beginning to slip out of the pins. He brushed the fine strands back from her face. “When I began that letter, I was going to ask you to wait for me. If you couldn’t, then I would have to accept it, because this is going to take so gods damned long—”
Nodding, she swiped at her nose. “So I should take my bags and tent, my twenty-five healer priestesses, two assistants, and my two hundred and fifty Defenders, and I should go back home, get over you, and fall in love with another man. Sure, Wulf. Okay.”
Wait, what?
What other man?!
“What are you saying now?” he roared. For the first time, he took in the implications of her outfit. She walked everywhere around the abbey and town, but she was dressed in riding boots. Realization struck. “You packed. You prepared for this. You’re ready to go.”
She met his gaze, her mouth set. “That’s right, Wulf. I’m ready to go. And I’m not going to wait for you. Either I come with you now, or I walk away. I’m not going to sit at home and worry and pine over you for years. You’re a stupid man, so I hate to say this, but it’s your decision.”
“Lily,” he breathed.
Forget about the miracles that danced like fireflies around her. She was a miracle so enormous he clenched her against his chest for fear she might disappear on him again. Her arms wound around his waist, and she clenched him tightly too.
Burying his face in her hair, he said, “You make me want to be better than I am. So I was trying to be a better man.”
“I didn’t fall in love with a better man,” she whispered. “I fell in love with you.”
Faced with the enormity of her choice and the depth of her feelings, there was only one thing he could say. Only one thing he had ever wanted to say.
“Stay. It’s going to be hard, but stay the course, you beautiful, brave woman. Stay with me.” He tilted up her face and kissed her. “You’re so much more than I deserve.”
She slipped a hand to the back of his neck. “That goes without saying.”
He kissed her again, and again. The soft, rich curves of her mouth captivated him. “Are you going to be scolding me for a while?”
She met him kiss for kiss. “That too goes without saying. It might take me a month or two.”
“Whatever you need to do, my love.” Unbuttoning her jacket, he cupped her soft breast and gritted his teeth. “Gods, I want you.”
“I want you t—” she began, but just then the tent flap lifted.
“Sir, we’re ready to go,” Gordon said as he stepped in. “Did you know we also have quite a few priestesses and Defenders waiting at the edge of… camp…?”
Wulf froze, then withdrew his hand slowly from her breast. Looking deeply into his eyes, Lily smiled. She said telepathically, This is only the first of many, many interruptions I foresee in our future.
Thank the goddess I’m in love with a woman who knows how to protect her boundaries. As her smile widened, he turned to Gordon and said aloud, “Change of plans. We will head out in the morning with the rest of the troops. Please see that the priestesses and Defenders are given a suitable area to camp for the night. Her grace will need some of her people nearby, but we’ll figure out where everybody belongs in formation tomorrow. That will be all for tonight, Gordon.”
Ducking his head, Gordon said to the ground, “Good night, sir, your grace.”
Wulf looked at Lily. “I just disposed of you again.”
“Clearly you’re going to need some training…” She gasped as he hauled her against him and drove his mouth down over hers. He delved deeply, spearing her with his tongue, while urgency beat in the drumming of his blood.
Her tongue dueled with his as her fingers flew over him, first unbuttoning his coat, then his shirt. Pulling away, he yanked them off. The tent was cold, the braziers unlit. His bed had been stripped, the blankets and furs rolled. Everything about this was raw and inelegant, and none of it mattered.
While he grabbed a rolled-up blanket and shook it out, she tore out of her clothes. She turned to him, completely nude, and the sight of her gorgeous body made the flames of his hunger leap hotter, higher.
Wrapping her up in the blanket, he grabbed both their cloaks and steered her backward to the bed pallet while her hands roamed greedily over the bare expanse of his chest.