“NOW DON’T GO following him around like a sad puppy,” Chantal says as she’s typing on her laptop.
“What? No way!” I say. I try not to giggle, because I feel guilty that Chantal knows.
“I know you’re not. But if I’m right about Kasim, he’s the one who’ll be following you around like a sad puppy.”
“He’s coming over soon. He’s bringing pizza. Want some?”
“Thanks, but no thanks,” Chantal says.
“Why don’t you have a boyfriend, Chantal?” I finally ask, because Donna is still in love with Dray and Pri likes Taj.
“Like I said, thanks, but no thanks.”
“Is it true? You would make love to a book?”
“Yep.” But she can’t hold back her laugh. “For real, though, I hope you never end up in a place where you feel ugly.”
“Feel ugly? Somebody told you that?”
“No one had to tell me, I just felt it. And don’t give me no ‘but you’re beautiful on the inside’ bullshit.”
“No, you are beautiful on the outside,” I say.
“Don’t give me that bullshit, either. I’m beautiful when I say I’m beautiful. Let me own that shit,” she says. Her eyes have not left the computer screen this whole time, but I know she’s paying attention to everything I say.
“Okay, then you are ugly.”
“Thanks for being honest.”
“Seriously. That’s what we say in Haiti. Nou led, men nou la. We are ugly, but we are here.”
“We are ugly, but we are here,” she says, almost whispering. “I hear that.”
Chantal goes back to her typing and I stand in front of the dresser mirror with a pair of scissors. I’m ready to cut out this stupid weave. But I don’t know where the fake hair starts and my real hair ends. So I call for Donna. In an instant, she’s in the room with her own pair of scissors.
“You can’t just cut it. That’s one hundred percent human hair,” she says.
Soon, I’m on the bed as she carefully cuts out the strings that were used to sew the fake hair into my cornrows. When she’s done, I’m so relieved to have my head back that I scratch my scalp for a whole ten minutes. I have to hurry up and wash my hair and get dressed before Kasim gets here.
I text him for an exact time, then get into the shower. My body feels brand-new. Every part of me is open and ready to let the world in. I use all of Donna’s soaps that smell and look like cake. I spray on her perfumes—I can’t decide which one I like best, so I use all of them. My hair is back to normal, and while it’s wet, it sits high and round on my head. I use some moisturizing cream to gather it all up, brush it, and pin it into a neat bun. My scars from the fight are fading now, but my face still looks different. Older, maybe. Wiser, definitely.
I check my phone.
8:00 p.m.
Kasim has not texted back. I don’t want to seem like a sad puppy, so I don’t send a text, either. Back in the room, I stare into the mirror again. I like this me better. No fake hair, no thick makeup, just my clean, simple face and my bun.
I settle on a pair of gray sweatpants because it will be a cozy TV night on the couch. I wear one of Donna’s sweaters and notice that the neckline is wider than usual. It’s meant to slide off one shoulder. So I let it do that. One shoulder is naked and sexy. I add some oil. Maybe he will kiss me there.
9:00 p.m.
He should’ve been here by now, or at least called or texted. So I type in, Hey? and a sad face. I send it.
I want to take it back because that sad face is the sad puppy I’m not supposed to be. I think of something else to text. Music comes on downstairs. So I type, Party at the Four Bees house! You coming? and a happy face. I send it.
I pull out a book from Chantal’s shelf to read—something about a brown girl who wants blue eyes. Chantal passes me a bag of potato chips. I don’t take any. I want to eat the pizza Kasim brings.
10:00 p.m.
Fab, I won’t be coming tonight.
Are you okay?
Just got some business I need to handle right quick.
It’s so late. You working?
Maybe I could hit you up after I’m done. Will you be up?
I’m going to sleep. I will talk to you tomorrow.
Cool. Can’t wait to see your face again.
I leave him alone to his business, throw the phone on my mattress. I grab Chantal’s bag of potato chips and look through Kasim’s last text. I read the line Just got some business to handle right quick over and over again.
What business would Kasim have tonight anyway? Tonight is the night of the party. Tonight is when Dray is supposed to go and sell those pills. I shake the thought from my head, but now that the thought is here, I cannot shake it away.
I quickly run out of the bedroom and down the stairs.
Pri is still on the couch watching TV. I grab her coat from the closet and throw it on. The cold wind almost knocks me off my feet when I open the front door. Chantal is right behind me, but she just stands in the doorway.