“Over? What do you mean it’s over? I know you love him, but what kind of asshole screws you and then dumps you? Fuck him. You don’t need him.” I stuffed my book into my bag and stood up to lead Wavy to my car.
I unlocked the passenger’s side first so Wavy could get in, but as I was walking around to the driver’s side, Kellen’s truck rolled to a stop behind my car and boxed it in. He got out of the cab and came around the end of it. Up close, he was a lot bigger than I expected. Not as fat, but taller and more muscular. Built like a bulldozer. Instead of the shaggy hair and the ’70s sideburns, he had a crew cut. That picture on Wavy’s nightstand had frozen him in my mind at my age, but he was at least thirty.
Over, my ass. Wavy jumped out of the car and ran to him. Hugging and kissing commenced. As much as I wanted to eavesdrop, I got in the car and settled for watching them in the rearview mirror.
Seeing them together as the sun went down and the stars came out, my heart did a little leap of joy. I wanted a fairy tale ending for Wavy, because if she could find happiness, there would be hope for me, too.
11
WAVY
Kellen’s hands were shaking, so I squeezed them harder in mine, to tell him it was okay. We hadn’t said anything, but he was there.
“The Evening Star.” That was the first thing he said. I looked up at it, felt him watching me. Not just watching me, but drinking me up. “You told me before, but I forgot. It’s not really a star, is it? It’s one of the planets, right?”
“Venus,” I said.
“Where I am there’s too much light from the city to see the stars. I want to go out and look at the stars with you. I missed that so much. I missed you.”
He kissed me before I could say, “Cassiopeia.”
When he let me breathe again, I said, “Come home with me. Renee and I have an apartment. Down in Norman.”
He closed his eyes, squeezed them tight.
“I can’t. It’s across state lines. I can’t leave the state without my parole officer’s say-so.”
I kissed him again, thinking we had time to sort that stuff out. We had all the time in the world, now that he was free. It turned out we had too much time. Only a few seconds for me to lift my hand, longing to remind him, to have him kiss my ring the way he used to. A few seconds more for Kellen’s eyes to go wet, for his lip to tremble. He didn’t kiss the ring. He let go of me and, from the way he leaned against the side of the truck, I knew he was having a hard time standing up. I leaned my head into his chest and held on. Held him up.
“Oh, goddamnit. I can’t be with you. If I break parole, they’ll send me back to do the rest of my sentence. If I could be with you after, I’d do those four years in a heartbeat. But I go back, and they’ll parole me with the same conditions.
“And it’s not just my parole. You know, I ruined my whole life. I’m gonna be on the sex offender registry for the next fifteen years. Have to put my conviction on every job application I fill out. Have to ask every landlord how far is the nearest school.”
“I was selfish to wish for you,” I said. All I’d ever thought about was how much I wanted him. Needed him. I never thought of what it would mean for him.
“You’re not selfish, but you’re better off without me. I made nothing but trouble for you.”
I shook my head against his chest.
“It’s true. You were too young and I messed things up for you. It’s like your aunt said, you weren’t even fourteen really when I raped you.”
I reached up and clamped my hand over his mouth hard enough that I felt his teeth through his lips. It wasn’t nice, and I didn’t care. I wanted to shove those words back down his throat. He pulled my hand away, and his soft eyes said everything was broken. I’d broken him.
“You didn’t rape me,” I said.
“Okay. Okay, but listen to me. I already ruined my life. I don’t want to ruin yours.”
“It’s not ruined.”
I wanted that to be true, but I couldn’t imagine what six years in prison would be like. Four years I’d been Aunt Brenda’s prisoner, but even when I promised not to sneak out, I went on doing it. That’s why it’s called sneaking. Kellen had spent six years in a cell. Six years among people who hurt him. Six years without the stars. Looking into his eyes, I knew he would stay with me. He was waiting for me to give him the look that meant stay. He wanted me to say, “Stay.”
It had been so long since I had the ring resized that I had to spit on my finger to get it off. When it came loose, I put it in his hand.
“No more prison. You’re free,” I said.
12
RENEE
When Wavy opened the passenger door, I thought she was coming to tell me what she and Kellen were doing. Instead, she got in the car and slammed the door.
“What’s up?” I said. She didn’t say a word, just sat there in the dark. “Are we leaving?”
“Yes.” Her voice was raw from crying. Had he dumped her twice in one day?
I started the car and put it in reverse, but Kellen’s truck was still behind me. Jackass. I waited for him to move, but he wasn’t even in the cab. I couldn’t see him at all.