The ascent of Taylor Swift and the reclamation of the “crazy ex-girlfriend” moniker as a term of power are indeed triumphs for women who have been unfairly labeled insane for even the slightest act of retribution. But she is not the quintessential crazy ex-girlfriend. Her particular madness is something most of us can relate to. We, too, have fantasized about the public humiliation of our exes and building reputations and fortunes out of the slights they have visited upon us. These types of “crazy” all seem so pedestrian when compared to the more substantial forms of retribution visited upon deserving husbands and lovers. It is a madness characterized not by brazen outbursts but by calculated silence. Their cunning and ability to play the long game to get what they want goes undetected. Their patience is formidable and their fortunes end up far more vast and real than the momentary pleasure of their ex’s humiliation. But first, a close runner-up in the insane ex hall of fame: the espionage ex.
“I’ll put you in a fucking rose garden, you cunt! You understand that? Because I’m capable of it. You understand that?” are among the more terrifying words that Mel Gibson had for his ex-wife Oksana Grigorieva in a 2010 phone call she recorded. During the call, he more or less admits to hitting her while she held their baby. Grigorieva recorded several conversations with Gibson, each one riddled with racial slurs and sexually violent degradations he fantasized about visiting upon her during the prolonged ending of their relationship. Gibson accused Grigorieva of editing the tapes and he pleaded for the public to understand the context of his anger, as though threatening murder and vocalizing gang rape fantasies is part and parcel of a typical breakup.11 Many commentators agreed with Gibson and derided Grigorieva as an opportunist and a sexual manipulator. She was branded as the deeply loathed type of crazy ex-girlfriend concocted in the minds of men who believe that the mere fact of being a sexually desirable woman is a hostile act against men.
“Who anticipates being recorded? Who anticipates that? Who could anticipate such a personal betrayal?” Gibson would ask the following year in an interview with Deadline Hollywood.12 The answer, of course, is a woman who knows that her word and even her wounds might be insufficient evidence at trial. A more reflective question might consider who anticipates having their safety threatened by someone they love. But Mel Gibson apparently had little time for logic or empathy. He would go on to plead no contest to a battery charge against Grigorieva, who was awarded a $750,000 settlement and a house to live in until their daughter turned eighteen. It was a paltry settlement compared to the size of Gibson’s fortunes and an anticlimactic ending to the chaos of the preceding years. Throughout this turmoil, Mel Gibson’s first wife lingered quietly off the radar.
Robyn Moore has a face that is familiar but difficult to place on its own. Few people would recognize her in a photograph if she was not standing next to Mel, the man to whom she was married for thirty-one years and with whom she had seven children. Mel Gibson enjoyed decades as a Hollywood favorite, accruing a massive fortune and a firmly rooted position on the A-list. That image began to fall apart after he was recorded spewing misogyny and anti-Semitism during a DUI arrest in 2006.13 During the rant, he famously blamed all of the world’s troubles on Jews and called a female officer “Sugar Tits.” He then appealed to his own power when he sneered, “I own Malibu… I am going to fuck you.” When news surfaced that he’d had two previous encounters with law enforcement that were dismissed by local police, it became clear that this was not a sad one-off but the case of a man accustomed to getting what he wanted and raising hell if it was not given to him.14 He and Moore quietly separated after the incident, the emphasis on quiet belonging to Robyn entirely, as Mel made the media rounds apologizing and excusing his behavior.
Though many were shocked by the recording, Mel’s bigotry and the cheap shots and bullying in which it manifested were not well-kept secrets so much as they were tolerated truths. In 1991, he made homophobic comments that were printed in the Spanish newspaper El País, pointing at his own ass and saying, “This is only for taking a shit.”15 Four years later, after considerable time for reflection, he told Playboy that he would apologize for this and other comments, “when hell freezes over.”16 When Frank Rich at the New York Times gave The Passion of the Christ a negative review, Mel said he wanted to have Rich’s intestines on a stick and to kill the man’s dog.17 Yet Moore stood by her man throughout this time, smiling on red carpets and presumably running an impeccable household. After three years of separation, Robyn filed for divorce when news of Grigorieva’s pregnancy became public in 2009.
From the outside, it appears to have all been a quiet, dignified proceeding. Moore has been a paragon of silence except in one instance where she signed a sworn statement, declaring that Gibson had never abused her or their children during their marriage, that was presented in proceedings for Grigorieva’s case against Gibson.18 During their own divorce, Gibson and Moore made joint statements about maintaining their family’s privacy and integrity in a difficult time, but the final judgment was certainly a blow to Mel Gibson’s finances. Robyn walked away with $425 million, half of her ex-husband’s fortunes, making it the largest divorce settlement in Hollywood history. Robyn is also entitled to half the film residuals Mel Gibson earns for the rest of his life on films made during their marriage.19 Once the divorce settlement was finalized, mentions of Robyn vanished almost entirely from news media.
What indignities the demure and attractive wife endured during their decades of marriage will likely remain unknown. Her silence makes it tempting to project ideas onto her as a calculating plotter, lying in wait for the right moment to walk off into the sunset with almost a half billion dollars, never to be heard from again. I consider the unbridled anger of a man like Mel Gibson as he took it out on individual reporters and police and entire racial and religious groups. I have doubts that such frothing rage can be so easily extinguished when crossing over the threshold of his home, rendering it a tranquil sanctuary.